Critiques of the new jerseys for Atlantic Division teams:
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The guy: So long as the green stays away, we're A-OK. I'd like to see the team eventually go all-in and throw a picture of Satan out there. I think it would get a nice reaction.
The chick: It looks phallic. Like a crooked, uh ... Red is a good color, but the white sissies it up.
The collector: A smart move by the Devils to keep their classy-looking jersey just like their old ones. Fans are already emptying their pockets for tickets at the new Prudential Center... and the bodyguards they'll need to escort them through downtown Newark.
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The guy: Where's the fisherman? I miss him, he kind of had that Sea Captain-Simpsons thing going on. Somehow the Islanders make orange and blue work. Take note Syracuse.
The chick: Oh, another orange one. However, the laces look the best of any so far. I like that the "y" has a hockey stick at the bottom.
The collector: Yikes. Why couldn't New York have stuck to a more bland look like they had in the 70s and 80s? With those orange arms, they look like they could be serving as traffic cones on the Long Island Expresway.
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The guy: You can only tinker with that shield so many times before you need a new look. The diagonal Rangers text is clean looking, at best. Just please keep those horrid Statue of Liberty sweaters buried below Penn Station.
The chick: Makes me dizzy with the diagonal writing. I feel like I would throw up if one of the players was racing toward me. Sorry, but reading letters diagonally isn't easy.
The collector: Another Original Six jersey left untouched. Good. But they also suffer from the "apron" problem the Blackhawks have.
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The guy: October 31 be dammed, black and orange still look good on the ice.
The chick: That's hideous. I don't even know what that is. Brown and orange and white; you couldn't pick worse colors. I don't even know what that symbol is. It's not flying, it's not a P; it's a meaningless circle. It's a circle with a mullet.
The collector: I think the Flyers are the only team that could look good in orange. I don't know why, but they make it work.
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The guy: If a penguin were to play hockey, would it need skates and gloves? That pewter-beige color needs to get back to bright yellow ASAP. C'mon Crosby, make it happen.
The chick: I like this one a lot. I love the Penguin. It's so cute. He's even on one foot, which is pretty amazing for a penguin.
The collector: It works, but I miss the old gold. Actually, does it really matter what Pittsburgh's jerseys look like? The only thing fans are going to care about when buying this one is that it has "Crosby 87" on the back.
