COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Until it turned special, this game was gross.
It rained for most of three hours, often coming down sideways. The wind was blowing. The quarterback for Penn State was sucking. The kicker was worse.
And still Ohio State was struggling to stay No. 1. Meanwhile, Penn State coach Joe Paterno was struggling with No. 2.
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| And there goes Joe Paterno, bolting for the locker room in the second quarter. (AP) |
Getting in touch with his inner Bobby Hurley, Paterno twice had to leave the game to make a bathroom run. He missed more than a quarter of action, some in the first half and some in the second. He said he had a little virus. He said he had a little bug.
He said, and I quote, "I got off the field and did a couple of things, and then I got back on the field."
No. 24 Penn State had just given No. 1 Ohio State more of a scare than the 28-6 final would appear, but the media was more interested in discussing Paterno's trips to the boys room than Ohio State's two interception returns for touchdowns in the final 2½ minutes.
Why the fascination with Paterno's (bowel) movements? Paterno explains nicely.
"Sixty years I've been on football fields," he said. "This is the first time I ever walked off."
Paterno picked the right day to ditch. Ugly, this game. Ugly. Neither team produced more than 253 yards of offense. There were five interceptions. The Ohio State band, which so delicately dotted the "I" before kickoff, produced a putrid, guitar-riddled halftime show. PSU linebacker Paul Posluszny was led off the field by officials in the second half because, as the official with the microphone unnecessarily told the crowd of 105,266, "his jersey is saturated with blood." Struggling PSU kicker Kevin Kelly missed two field goals, including a 23-yarder that lurched over the line of scrimmage like a leather boot.
Ugly? This game was ugly. Both head coaches prefer a boring brand of ball, and the rain gave Paterno and Ohio State's Jim Tressel the right excuse. Penn State put its most dynamic player, receiver Derrick Williams, into the witness protection program, where he found himself on the same anonymous cul de sac as OSU receiver Ted Ginn Jr. Between these two NFL-caliber athletes, they touched the ball six times from scrimmage for 36 total yards.
The game turned for good on a false start, for God's sake. Trailing 14-3 with 7½ minutes left, Penn State was going to go for it on fourth-and-goal from the 1 before the penalty. Instead, Kelly kicked a 23-yard field goal.
Congratulations. The game is over.
Yes, Saturday at Ohio Stadium was repulsive. But then, when the game ended, it turned beautiful.
Joe Paterno started to walk off the field, and all the other junk ceased to matter. This might be his last trip to Ohio Stadium. It might not. He's 79, so who knows? Whatever the deal, Joe Paterno is a Hall of Fame coach -- he'll be inducted into the college football hall in December -- and the people at Ohio State understood that.
That's why, with Paterno trying to make a quick getaway for any number of valid reasons, Tressel first wanted to make sure he was OK during their postgame handshake. Then other OSU coaches came over for a brief word. Then several OSU players, walking in the opposite direction of their locker room, got into position to shake Paterno's hand.
When Paterno finally reached the tunnel leading out of the field area, OSU fans were waiting. At most places, the visiting coach is about to hear curses or jeers. Saturday, Paterno heard a standing ovation.
At times like this, you wouldn't mind if Paterno actually did coach forever. He's the Bobby Knight of college football, minus Knight's abject cruelty. Paterno is crusty and somewhat out of touch -- witness his awful choice of words before the 2006 Orange Bowl regarding the A.J. Nicholson fiasco. But he graduates his players, he gives millions of dollars to his school and he avoids NCAA inspectors.
Paterno won't win another national championship, but by and large he's going to win more than he loses, and as long as Penn State is OK with that -- with the once-mighty Nittany Lions simply winning more than they lose -- Paterno should hang around. This summer he quoted his doctor as saying, "You can coach 10 more years."
Imagine that. Joe Paterno, coaching at 89. It's better than imagining other topics from Saturday's game. Paterno tried to cut off the physiological inquisition by asking the media at large, "You all writing for the medical journal now or what?"
That didn't stop the body questions. But this did.
"Can we drop that?" he finally said. "Because I'll say something that'll make headlines."
Please, Joe. Don't be gross.
