Jan. 22, 2007

Hey Rush, when it comes to sports ... shhh!

By Mike Freeman | CBS SportsLine.com National Columnist

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Please, Rush Limbaugh, do not let any discussion of sports ever leave your lips again. Each time you do, you sound like a moron.

Just shush when it comes to topics of football. Go talk about how global warming is a myth, or bash Hillary, or discuss the blissful joy of alleged long-term happy pill use.

Maybe this is where Rush Limbaugh gets his information on the NFL. (Provided to SportsLine)

Do whatever you want except one thing -- talk sports. Because you know as much about sports as I do about eliminating the federal deficit.

Every time Limbaugh discusses the NFL he sounds like a raging buffoon. No one in such a position of influence has ever appeared so unknowledgeable about sports as Limbaugh. Yet he constantly talks about the NFL like his words carry weight or intelligence.

The latest example comes from comments that recently originated on Limbaugh's radio show. He begins with this.

"There is a cultural problem in the NFL that has resulted in a total lack of class on the part of professional players," he said. "I love the game of football, but after every sack players are acting like they've won the Super Bowl; they're prancing around with these idiotic dances."

We will leave the dissection of how he uses the word "culture" in the same sentence as "lack of class" for another day.

But OK, fine. You think they dance too much? Cool. Hall of Famer Jim Brown has said as much. Hall of Famer Jerry Rice has agreed. I think they are both wrong. I think Limbaugh is wrong.

The larger issue is that these celebrations are covered more by the media and thus there is an appearance of a celebration epidemic. There are more shots of them on SportsCenter and YouTube.

When Mark Gastineau did his sack dance in the 1980s no one said celebrations would lead to the end of civilization as we know it. That's because there was truly no 24-hour news cycle.

But cool. You hate when someone does a little exuberant jig. Raging against celebrations is not an original premise but it is at least an arguable one.

What Limbaugh stated after that is where he takes a long scenic drive off a very short precipice.

"Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons," Limbaugh stated. "There, I said it."

That is possibly the most irresponsible statement ever made about professional football. There, I said it.

Limbaugh is comparing an entire group of people, most of whom are law abiding, to murdering gang members.

Just curious, though. Which NFL player reminds Limbaugh of a killer gangster? Is it Donovan McNabb in one of those soup commercials? Or maybe it is Eli Manning? Or could Limbaugh be speaking of Tom "Crips" Brady, that notorious member of the Boston Irish mafia?

Don't know about you, but when I see Indianapolis wide receiver Marvin Harrison I think: Crip. No, I think Blood, definitely Blood.

Numerous articles and government statistics show that over the past decade alone, there have been thousands of murders committed by vicious gangs across the country. The Bloods and Crips in Los Angeles have been particularly bloody.

My memory stinks but I am trying to remember the epidemic of gang murders committed by professional football players. If anyone can recall such a spree, send me a note.

Many New Orleans Saints players have dedicated their time and money to helping rebuild their city and someone calls them gang members.

Better watch out because according to Limbaugh that notorious Drew Brees will bust a cap in your ass.

Wait, I get it. The Patriots are the Bloods and the Colts are the Crips. Limbaugh is a genius.

No sport resembles the carnage and bloodshed of gang life. But if, in my wildest crack-cocaine-induced dreams I wanted to compare one sport to gangs, it would be hockey.

The way those guys bash each other's faces during some of the ugliest brawls you will ever see might intimidate even the most bloodthirsty of the Bloods. Hockey fights look like scenes out of Escape from New York.

Limbaugh's comments are not only absurd, not only offensive to anyone who knows anything about the vast majority of players in the NFL, they were also ill-timed. He made them just before the conference championship games that featured Indianapolis, Chicago, New Orleans and New England.

There have not been numerous arrests of Patriots players. The Colts do not have members on a gang watch list.

The Super Bowl will feature the Colts and the Bears. Again, no committers of rampant drive-by shootings. Chicago's starting offense has never taken out a few dozen rival Green Bay Packers.

Of all the serious issues to discuss in the NFL postseason and weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, one of the most significant media voices in the country chooses to compare a whole league to murderers.

Just unbelievable.

Next on the Limbaugh show: Are those Girl Scouts at your door really selling you cookies?

Or plotting a home invasion?

There, I said it.