Red Bull recently purchased the MLS soccer franchise New York/New Jersey MetroStars and the new name of the team is going to be "New York Red Bulls."
So first there were ads on the actual field of play in stadiums and arenas ... and then there were stadiums and arenas named after corporations ... and now there are actual teams named after corporations.
This is just plain ridiculous and the first of what will doubtless be many takeovers of teams by corporate entities that will choose to name the team after themselves. But for the first company to be Red Bull?
Do you even know anyone who drinks Red Bull without alcohol? OK, OK, once during the first season of MTV's My Super Sweet 16, this kid, who was throwing a Sweet 16 party, got into a Red Bull chugging contest with his friends. Predictably, this ended poorly because, get this, Red Bull without alcohol tastes like liquid exhaust fumes and is a dead ringer for urine in appearance.
In fact, there may not be a single adult on earth who chooses to drink Red Bull without liquor accompaniment, or without being paid to do so. For instance, now that New York general manager Alexi Lalas has a new boss, it took him all of about 10 minutes for the New York MLS site to be redesigned and feature Lalas swigging from a can of Red Bull.
As if this wasn't enough to do, Lalas went further, "I don't think there's a fan out there who will see this as a negative. People are going to be pleasantly surprised. Many will be utterly amazed."
Utterly amazed? He's got to be kidding. If many people are legitimately and truly amazed, these would doubtlessly be the same people who are utterly blown away by the good ole disappearing thumb trick. Here are utterly amazing things: Man walking on the moon, polio being eradicated, Ed Norton breaking up with Salma Hayek, and the fact that man has decoded the human genome. Red Bull sponsoring a soccer team ... not so much.
It's not that I'm anti-Red Bull. The product makes perfect sense when used for its primary purpose: Mixing it with vodka so you can stay out drinking at the bar later without getting tired. As a product, Red Bull in conjunction with vodka has probably led to millions of additional bar hours, millions of additional hours of awkward dancing and has probably led to Americans spending untold more money than we otherwise would have on a night out.
Here is what could occur that would make me support this team name: In games featuring the New York team, the MLS should implement a Red Bull and Vodka chugging contest between the goalies after a score. If they did this, I might actually watch the MLS. Can you imagine how much more entertaining the game would get after a few goals were scored?
My primary question about the renaming of the former MetroStars is twofold:
- Who hasn't already heard of Red Bull?
- Why is the MLS (a league which spends an inordinate amount of time attempting to attract a young audience) allowing the equivalent of an alcoholic drink to sponsor a team?
I don't begrudge Red Bull the decision to paste its name onto a sports team with a young fan base. But can you legitimately imagine any other major sports league allowing its product to be diluted by a company that often markets its beverage in conjunction with liquor? I mean, next thing you know the NFL will have an official beer ... wait.
I guess this is just a sign of the marketing times. Pretty soon we'll have the Indianapolis Colt 45's and the Milwaukee Bucks or Less. But somehow, as a sports fan, I like to think that there's something about a name that can't be bought. Even if teams, players and stadiums can all be sold to the highest bidder, the last refuge of the fan should be the team name itself.
Unfortunately, it sounds like that boat has passed in the night on waters the color of urine. Meet your newest favorite team, the New York Red Bulls.
