If you haven't yet watched Gilbert Arenas shooting one-handed college 3-pointers and DeShawn Stevenson shooting two-handed NBA 3s in a wager for $20,000, here's the link for the second time. Although the clip runs almost nine minutes, and we linked it way back in the Super Bowl blog, it's still worth watching. Primarily because it demonstrates just how good NBA players are.
After watching this clip, I had my wife, Lara, rebound for me while I attempted 100 college 3-pointers with one hand, a challenge I never would have considered before. My wife's rebounding was troubled to a certain extent by her insistence that she "didn't want to get hit by the basketball when it came off the rim." Charles Barkley she was not.
|
|
| Gilbert Arenas should've saved his accuracy during the Three Point Shootout. (Getty Images) |
Unlike Arenas, at no point did I hit any particularly successful rhythm or streak (I think once I hit three in a row) and I frequently had to chase down errant shots that ricocheted too far from my wife's limited rebounding area. So I consider this a bit of a handicap. Also, I shot quickly, which got my right arm pretty tired by the time I finished shooting. I'd submit that would be the primary challenge to most people doing this contest in 10 minutes or less.
But aside from teaching me that shooting 100 shots with one hand is pretty tiring, this contest primarily entertained me for its sheer absurdity. How many hours of athletic debates had to ensue before this competition arose as a fair option? Further, how in the world could one really be sure what the result was going to be and feel comfortable enough to wager $20,000 on the outcome? What other absurd shooting contests were discussed? Dunking while wearing two 45-pound plates strapped to the body (also known as the Michael Sweetney Experience) vs. dunking by jumping off a moving bicycle? Maybe backward halfcourt shots vs. straightaway jumpers from the opposite foul line?
Ultimately a competition like Arenas vs. Stevenson left me wanting more. Thinking, daring to dream, that maybe the absurdity of this gambling contest could transcend sports. Especially after watching Dick Bavetta and Charles Barkley race during All-Star weekend, I want more contests such as this. Feats of competition where the sheer unpredictability of the contest is paramount.
Well, fear not, I've plumbed the recesses of my mind to come up with similar challenges for a mix of 11 occupations. If anyone is willing to try any of these, contact me and describe the outcome. I'll share it with everyone to help establish legitimate betting lines. Also, feel free to share your own contest ideas for other occupations. Until then, here goes:
1. Dentists: Number of pushups a dentist can do after being given an average dose of laughing gas but before passing out vs. number of minutes a dentist can last before vomiting after swallowing a shot of that horrible fluoride treatment.
2. Firemen: Amount of minutes a fireman can hold himself upside down on the fireman's pole after sliding halfway down with a maximum holding time of 53 minutes vs. taking a shot from a fire-hose at full blast for 20 seconds and being sent spiraling 53 feet or less.
3. NFL quarterbacks: Number of passes from the knees out of 20 that can cover 40 yards or more vs. number of passes that can cover 60 yards or more while wearing a beekeeper's costume and being swarmed by a horde of angry bees.
4. Teachers: Distance the oldest teacher in the school can toss a wet eraser soaked in Elmer's glue and then covered in those woodchips they used to clean up puke vs. distance the youngest teacher in the school can throw an abacus.
5. Major league hitters: Number of times out of 100 a baseball player can hit the ball out of the infield with an actual wooden broomstick vs. number of times out of 100 a batter who doesn't switch-hit can switch sides and hit a home run.
6. Lawyers: Complete memorization and oral recitation of the first four pages of Marbury v. Madison vs. a paper cut from a printed page of Marbury-Madison being done to each finger and toe but only the first page has to be memorized (after each paragraph in the latter a pause in recitation would ensue after which a slicing would occur). Fewest errors wins.
