Every year, sports fans of struggling teams buy jerseys of players who are supposed to "save the franchise." Whether it's the expensive authentic version or the bargain $15 Wal-Mart knock-offs, jerseys symbolize a fan's belief in one player's ability to take his/her team to "the next level" or improve from a long losing streak. Teams capitalize on those hopes and market the hell out of a product along the lines of P.T. Barnum's famous alleged quote: "There's a sucker born every minute."
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Last summer I was that sucker, when I bought a white and teal Daunte Culpepper Miami Dolphins jersey. I should have remembered caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware.
It was pretty easy for me to buy into the Culpepper hype in '06. After years of enduring quarterbacks like Jay Fiedler, Ray Lucas, Brian Griese, Damon Huard, A.J. Feeley and Sage Rosenfels, I was ready for someone with the statistical and athletic ability to finally step outside Dan Marino's shadow. If you overlook his '01 and '05 seasons with the Vikings, you can't ignore 20,162 yards and 135 touchdown passes. Granted, most of those TDs were lobbed to Randy Moss, but still. Despite my better judgment, I wanted to believe that could be replicated in Miami with Chris Chambers and Randy McMichael. Oh yeah, his knees. Nah, that shouldn't be a problem.
So, I'm out $84.95 plus tax. And I drafted him as my starting quarterback last season in our CBS SportsLine.com Fantasy football league. I bought into the entire package, line, hook and sinker.
We all know the beginning of the end of this story -- Culpepper was released by the Dolphins on July 17 after only playing four games in '06 and forcing fans to endure another season of quarterback carousel between Joey Harrington and Cleo Lemon.
Culpepper's less than stellar season as a Dolphin wasn't his fault. He obviously wasn't ready to play and probably needed another season to rehab his injured knees. Plus, playing a quarterback with bad knees behind a terrible offensive line was a criminal act by Nick Saban. However,
I know I'm not alone. I want to know your worst sports jersey purchase of all time.
Here are some regrettably purchased by CBS SportsLine.com staff members through the years:
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| Not only is it a Culpepper jersey, it's the Dolphins' orange alternate jersey. (Photo/CBS Sports) |
"The Browns were back after being hijacked to Baltimore and the only two options in the Browns team store were Tim Couch and Chris Speilman. Well, by the time of the purchase Speilman had been injured in the preseason and decided to retire so my option was clear. I should have held out for a Kelly Holcumb jersey I guess."
Project Manager Greg Bromberg -- Don Majkowski's Green Bay Packers jersey:
"Following the 1989 season, in which Majkowski threw for 4,318 yards, I went out and purchased an authentic jersey. Biggest mistake I ever made. Majkowski ended up getting injured in 1992 and eventually lost his job to Brett Favre."
Fantasy Writer Dave Richard -- Tanyon Sturtze's Chicago White Sox jersey:
"I bought a game-used Tanyon Sturtze jersey for $50. It's been collecting dust in my closet ever since."
College Basketball Producer Brian De Los Santos -- Penny Hardaway's Orlando Magic jersey:
"I have an authentic Penny Hardway Orlando Magic jersey when I though he was going to be a big-time star. I need to stop buying jerseys."
Video Producer Matt Brodsky -- Harold Miner's Miami Heat jersey:
"If you were a young Heat fan in the early years of the franchise, why wouldn't you get a Harold Miner jersey? The guy was dubbed 'Baby Jordan' because of his athleticism and he even won the slam dunk contest with a Jordanesque reverse jam. Too bad he didn't have his head in the game and couldn't play defense to save his life."
College Football Producer J. Darin Darst -- Terrell Buckley's Miami Dolphins jersey:
"I made a bet with a friend that if I lost, I would buy a Terrell Buckley jersey. To this day, I have no idea what the bet was, but because I despise the Dolphins, I thought it would be funny to make the bet -- especially since I figured I couldn't lose. Well, I lost, so I had to go to the store and buy one. My friend was nice enough to pay for half of it, because either he felt sorry for me or he wanted to take part in my misery. I wore the jersey for a few years, mostly as a joke, but after recently cleaning out my closet, I donated it to Goodwill."
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| Remember Harold "Baby Jordan" Miner? (Getty Images) |
"Well, 34 was always a cool number and I saw a nice little rebate on the Collins jersey in a clearance rack. It was listed at $5, but I saw some paint on it and got the guy to sell it to me for $2.50. So, while it was a worthless jersey -- especially because I am no Dolphins fan -- you can't complain about an official NFL jersey that cost just $2.50. In fact, Ricky Williams joined the Dolphins a little later and I had a Williams jersey before anyone -- even if it had Collins' across the back."
Hockey Producer Erin Brown -- Steve Emtman, Miami Dolphins jersey:
"I mainly stick to hockey jerseys, but I needed to round out my collection with jerseys from my favorite teams. The Dolphins were the last of the local franchises to be purchased. My dad had season tickets at the time and it was easy to notice just about every person in the stands wore Marino jerseys. While I'm a big Marino fan, I wanted to be different. So, about midway through the 1995 season, Emtman's first with Miami, I decided to go for the ol' 94. He lasted one more season with the Dolphins before being waived. It has since been replaced with an authentic, numbered -- but nameless -- 'Phins jersey."
