So Pac-10 fans have united in their hate for me and the SEC. At least several of them have. This hate crested last week when I received a series of e-mails with a subject of "Pac-10 rules!" and a message included that said, "Pac-10 rules!" Nothing else. Delicately put. Rather than further inflame the passions of an overrated conference with only one good team, I'm going to be the bigger man.
By the way, does anyone else notice how Pac-10 teams seem to take a perverse pride in losing to USC and then bragging about USC to every other team? This makes zero sense. Like getting beaten up by another guy at school -- having him take your girlfriend on a tour of all the bases and then some -- and then sitting on the front steps at school eating a Fudgesicle saying over and over again how awesome the guy who completely upstaged you is. It's a little too much like Stockholm Syndrome for my liking.
But, like I said, I'm going to be the bigger man here and not escalate the feud. At least for eight days. Then come Sept. 1, my response to Pac-10 fans will be written in the heavens above Berkeley. I'll say no more. Just stay tuned. It will be every bit as tasteful and responsive as the "Pac-10 rules!" e-mails have been. Only more so.
Now for our beaver pelt trader of the week. It goes to the UT alumni lacrosse team which, upon drawing the Florida Gators as an opponent, agreed to play the game clad in jorts. If you don't believe me, check out this photo.
Now on to All That and a Bag of Mail.
Mike Jenkins writes:
"If you were back in elementary school now, what lunch box would you carry, Bear Grylls or The Man, The Myth, The Legend Tim Tebow (yes I am a Gator Fan, and no I don't wear jorts). Also, loved the book, it was great on my flight."
Mike,
My answer is Bear Grylls. But this might only be because it would be illegal for there to be Tim Tebow lunch boxes. Thanks to the NCAA's rules on non-professionals, you'd just have to carry a lunchbox with Tebow's No. 15 on it. Which would look a bit like a racecar sticker. Whereas you could have a picture of Bear Grylls eating a dead zebra. No contest.
T Dale writes:
"The Dawgs have let us down. Our Khaki Army has given into all that is unholy in this world. As to how Jesus felt when Judas betrayed him, so as I feel now. We must take up a new fight in our quest to rid the SEC of all evils, and it is the eradication of the Tennessee orange 'jump suit.' It mirrors the common everyday painters garb but with the color of Tang induced vomit. Why should we hate on it? Not only is it the article of clothing most Tennessee football fans wear to work Monday thru Friday picking up cans, but also on Saturday to the game, and then Sunday to the hunting lease. Also, if one were to get arrested and put in jail, they wouldn't have to change suits. Yes, LSU fans do smell like corndogs, Georgia fans wear jorts, and Mississippi State girls are ugly (why do you think the guys are always ringing cow bells). But those pale in comparison to some hillbilly with new shoes on, dressed up in an orange jump suit blowing the Rocky Top tune into a brown jug."
Please, Tennessee fans don't wear our new shoes to football games. We wait until the first frost to break those out. And then only for church on Sunday. Until then we're barefoot. Please don't spread scurrilous rumors otherwise.
Kevin Greene writes:
