EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACHES: Jimbo Fisher
2000-2006: Offensive coordinator/quarterbacks coach, LSU. When he announces he will leave to become Florida State's offensive coordinator, all of three Tigers fans are upset. Fisher replaces Bobby Bowden's son Jeff, who received a $537,000 buyout. FSU fans had accused Jeff Bowden of being in over his head from day one. Jeff Bowden announces he will use his time off to "spend more time playing with blocks."
2007: With Fisher as FSU's offensive coordinator, the Seminoles' rejuvenated offense just barely comes up short against Clemson in a Labor Day season opener on national television (24-18), and Wake Forest (24-21), and Miami (37-29), and Virginia Tech (40-21), and Florida (45-12) and Kentucky in the Music City Bowl (41-14). Seminoles end year 7-6.
Dec. 2007: Fisher is named Florida State's "head coach in waiting," with the assurance that when legendary coach Bobby Bowden decides to retire, Fisher will step up as the program's first new head coach since Bowden came aboard in 1976. Bowden maintains title of "head coach in waiting for bed time."
2008: Under Bowden and Fisher, Seminoles qualify for bowl at 6-6, but end year at 6-7 after losing Emerald Bowl to Pac-10's Oregon State Beavers. Bowden announces he refuses to end his career with a loss to a woodland creature, vows to return for one more year.
Nov. 2009: Upon news of the sudden passing of Bowden at age 80, Fisher is introduced as FSU's new coach. Press conference is interrupted when doctor discovers that Bowden was not dead but merely napping. Bowden announces that the nap was so refreshing, he will return for one more year. Seminoles end year without a bowl bid at 5-7.
2010: Bowden announces he will retire at the end of this campaign. In order to make sure Fisher is ready to take over head job, Bobby's son Terry Bowden is brought in as offensive coordinator. This frees Fisher to "job shadow" Bobby Bowden all season long. Mostly, Fisher tries on the different styles of high-tech sunglasses that are surplus from the Bowdens' annual supply. Seminoles continue their slide with a 4-8 record.
2011: Because son Tommy Bowden is fired as head coach of Clemson, Bobby reverses his decision to retire. He hires Tommy as his defensive coordinator to help him get back on his feet. Terry still has not relinquished offensive coordinator duties, and Fisher is beginning to feel locked out in his job shadow role. This is because his assigned duties are now relegated to bringing juice boxes to the Pop Warner games of the youngest generation of Bowden kids, and making sure their names are engraved on the end-of-year trophies. Seminoles in complete free fall with 3-9 record.
2012: Fisher's status as perpetual bridesmaid gains iconic status on episode of The Simpsons, when noted FSU fan Homer Simpson is excited that schoolyard bully Jimbo Jones is named head coach of FSU. Bowden family encourages Bobby to stay aboard and continue rebuilding effort that showed glimmer of promise in 5-7 improvement.
Summer 2013: During his three-week cross-country tour of America, Britain's King Charles stops in Tallahassee to extend condolences that Fisher has had to wait this long as heir apparent.
2013: Seminole fans have reached boiling point with Bowden family's control of the program. Seminoles end year 2-10, thanks to season's high water mark of beating Notre Dame in what has become the Irish's annual battle of 1-9 teams.
Summer 2014: Former FSU offensive coordinator Jeff Bowden has usurped control of the Seminoles boosters organization, and arranges payouts to Bobby, Tommy and Terry. Hires himself as FSU coach, but resigns within an hour after he has signed off on his own buyout.
2014: Despite a 6-0 start to the season, FSU fans have still not fully embraced Fisher as their new leader as they enter their seventh game of the season against undefeated Miami. It is only after the final play of the game, when a Seminoles field goal attempt to win the game sails wide right, that FSU fans storm the field in jubilation, knowing that they have found their man.
2047: Florida State honors the achievements of Jimbo Fisher's 10 Atlantic Coast Conference titles and four national championships by erecting statue of him in front of Doak Campbell Stadium. Statue is bigger than the one they constructed for Bobby Bowden, but smaller than the one they erected for university president Jeff Bowden.
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