I've been getting quite a few e-mails from fans of both Kentucky and Florida State seeking advice on what to do while they're in Nashville for the Music City Bowl. This is because people trust my opinion about the city of Nashville. Which is, of course, a horribly flawed position to adopt, but I'm honored nonetheless.
Even if the local Chamber of Commerce is terrified by the advice I'm about to give.
So I was thinking I would do a column providing advice on what to do, what to see and whatnot while you're here for the Music City Bowl. I was planning on writing this column closer to the Dec. 31 game, but then I realized that thanks to heading up to the worst bowl in America, the Motor City Bowl, all of my columns are taken for the remainder of the year. So here's that column about 10 days in advance. I'm calling it 13 Music City Bowl tips.
The first thing is, don't be lame and drive or fly out of town on New Year's Eve after the game. If you're reading this column and you're planning on leaving rather than staying to celebrate New Year's Eve in Nashville, just stop reading and get back to plotting the quickest route home. Then you can burnish your message board credibility by continuing to analyze Billy Gillispie's substitution patterns against Houston on catspause.com, or debating whether Bobby Bowden is still actually alive or a life-size robot on warchant.com. We don't want you out in the city anyway.
For the rest of you, here goes:
1. The Music City Bowl is sold out, but scalping is legal in Nashville. I've yet to attend a game at the Nashville stadium where there aren't a ton of tickets for sale on the East Bank of the river (the stadium is directly across the Cumberland River from downtown). So if you don't have tickets, I'd be surprised if there aren't quite a few for sale at the stadium at reasonable prices. There always have been before, so don't let this keep you from making the trip.
2. Don't make fun of police officers who are riding on horses. Or try and touch the horses if you are older than 10. This will get you Tasered. Trust me.
3. I'm sure there are reasons why you would stay in a hotel more than five miles from the downtown stadium, but they're all idiotic to me. Nashville has an extremely vibrant downtown. Plus cabs get really expensive and are difficult to get if you stay out around Cool Springs and plan on going out at night. Basically if you're younger than 50 and looking to have a good time in Nashville, you have to stay near downtown. Unlike lots of cities where you go to the suburbs for the best bars or restaurants, Nashville's most vibrant social scene is within the downtown loop.
4. As such there are tons of options for bars both before and after the game. For a city of its size, Nashville has more bars within a mile of downtown than any other city in America. I just made that stat up, but I feel pretty comfortable that it's potentially true. From the stadium, any bar you'd want to go to is within four miles. If you're with someone and they're suggesting that you go more than four miles to a bar, call them an idiot and go somewhere else with someone else. All of these bars are safe and I guarantee you'll have a good time. Just be aware that on New Year's Eve there's probably going to be a pretty big crowd at most places so get there early.
5. Some people want to know what the weather is going to be like for the game. I've predicted that winter is not coming this year, so I might be the wrong one to ask. I outsourced this question to my friend Tardio, who is a Kentucky fan and pays a great deal of attention to the weather. His analysis: "I guarantee it will be 82 or 22."
6. One of my favorite places in the center of downtown is a recently opened dueling piano bar, Big Bang. Women love this place. Plus, there's a balcony overlooking Broadway where you can step outside and yell down at people in the street. Nashville is full of dueling college loyalties and things really get turned up when they get dueling fight songs going. If your wife or girlfriend is one of those people who only has one drink wherever she goes, take her here and she'll have six. Then everyone will have a better time.
7. I'm going to be out on Demonbreun Street, at either the Tin Roof or Dan McGuiness. Probably both. Each of these places is pretty decent sized and I guarantee you'll be impressed with Nashville's women at the bars here. You know how college teams have to step up their effort once conference play starts? This is how it is for Nashville women every night. Even good-looking women pick their most flattering outfits when they go out here. We've got Kentucky and Florida State coming to town this year, so people from both these schools are used to seeing good-looking women. I sort of wish Boston College and Minnesota were here again. You'd see these guys walking around from bar to bar and they'd have this glazed look in their eyes from staring at all the women. You could almost see them trying to rationalize the city they choose to live in. Put it this way, a good-looking woman in Boston is ugly in Nashville. Get in the cab and say, "Take me to Demonbreun." You'll have a great time.
8. Grow a beard so you can be a BGID for the 2008 New Year. It's scientifically proven that women want to sleep with men who have beards on New Year's Eve. (Note: By scientifically proven, what I really mean is not scientifically proven.)
