OK, as I sit on my front porch and watch the horizon for January tornadoes (people are doing this all the way up to Wisconsin), I've prepared a further explanation for what winter not coming actually means. For the record, winter is defined in the dictionary as "the season between autumn and spring comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of December, January and February."
I accept this definition as legitimate. After much thought, I've defined the absence of winter as follows:
1. There will not be three days in a row where the high temperature is below freezing. (Note this does not apply in Canada or any other place where hockey is considered a worthwhile way to pass the time.)
2. Average temperatures for December, January and February will be at least four degrees above normal.
3. School will not be closed for snow.
We need someone with a better grasp of weather to see how well this meshes with actual weather results, but I'm pretty confident in this prediction. Especially below the Mason-Dixon line. It's important to remember that the year without summer in 1816 featured, "Rapid, dramatic temperature swings were common, with temperatures sometimes reverting from normal or above-normal summer temperatures as high as 95 F (35 C) to near-freezing within hours." So a mere cold day does not mean weather has arrived. That's simply an aberration in an otherwise winterless year.
Our beaver pelt trader of the week goes to Kerri, who e-mailed me this link of Korean school kids singing Dixie and ending with the Georgia bulldog bark. It's clear that colonialism Mason-Dixon style has arrived in Asia. On to All That and a Bag of Mail:
Mark Lexington writes:
"Clay, one question: How does the West Virginia human mascot Daniel Boone/Davy Crockett guy get his rifle to the BCS game? This obviously would get security going wild at an airport. Would they drive it out to Arizona with a random fan? Or simply send it FedEx/UPS/DHL and hope for the best?"
This is a superb question. It's one of those things I've wondered about before but never managed to write down. They have to go with shipping or driving, right? Or is there some exception to TSA rules for gun travel related to mascots? For football, the shipping or driving is fairly easy because you have a week and a substantial amount of time to turn around. But what about basketball? NCAA Tourney sites have really fast turnarounds. Or what about one of those exempt tournaments in Alaska or Hawaii or Puerto Rico. Then you have to go with shipping, but I know from experience that shipping something to Puerto Rico is about as efficient as swimming it yourself from Miami. So the gun could arrive after the tournament. It's not just West Virginia either. There are lots of teams with mascots who carry dangerous weapons.
Remember when Barry Switzer got busted by airport security for carrying the gun? What if his legal defense was: I was carrying it for the Dallas Cowboy mascot? Would a jury of his Dallas peers have convicted him then? Of course not. The attorney who came up with this defense would have been a genius.
I'm baffled though. Some day, mark my words, an airport is going to get shut down because the Duke Blue Devils pitchfork goes off. Until then we need TSA clarification on the travel rules regarding mascot weapons. Then everyone can blame me when the next airplane terrorist attack features armed mascots.
Joe Tiger writes:
