As the final days of training come to a close here in Nashville, players are looking for ways to relieve the tension and stress of their upcoming trip to Indianapolis for the NFL combine.
Some guys are spending extra time walking through the steps of the three-cone drill to make sure their foot and head positions are correct, others are getting massages to relieve tired and aching muscles and ensure their legs are as spry as possible, some are sleeping a ton and reclusively avoiding all contact with the outside world -- and two Pac-10 football players are going to Civil War battlefields with a bearded writer who also happens to be a Civil War buff. Bang, welcome to the first ever column to tie the NFL Combine with the Battle of Franklin. DDT style.
1. Our Sunday field trip to Franklin gets off to a rough start for me when my wife deposits Fox in my lap at 7:30 Sunday morning. "I'm sleeping. You've got him." Then she leaves. I can barely open my eyes because I was out at the bar drinking until after 2. Fox is spinning. Or not. He's definitely not sleeping.
2. Already Fox has evicted me from my own bedroom. We have a nicely designed nursery for him. The walls are painted green and there's a huge map of the world on one wall. He has a brand new crib, enough books to make the Owensboro, Ky., public library jealous (honestly not that hard), and sundry other baby accoutrements that I can't name or properly utilize. Oh, and about 35 puppy outfits hanging in the closet. Which would seem to make for a perfect room for an infant. Unfortunately, I'm the one who has been sleeping in here on a day bed for the past three weeks.
3. Fox cries for two straight hours. The only time he stops is when I can get the pacifier to stay in his mouth. Which isn't often. For some reason all pacifiers are made for babies with giant mouths -- perhaps the spawn of giant men and women who produce newborn babies capable of swallowing an entire snow cone in one bite. Unfortunately Fox can't swallow an entire snow cone in one bite. Ergo Fox's pacifier only stays in when I hold it inside his mouth. He can hold the pacifier for about 10 seconds on his own -- 15 if I'm lucky. This is not enough time for sleep.
4. Things get worse when I put Fox in his Aquarium Bouncer -- so called because when activated it features a dancing starfish (smiling), two dancing fish (also smiling), and assorted bubbles (not smiling) that make up for their lack of smiles by being the happiest bubbles on earth. I'm sure there's a greater hell than being hung over early in the morning, holding a crying baby and being unable to figure out how to turn off the Aquarium Bouncer, but I have not yet experienced it.
5. To put my experience into Civil War terms, I'd almost rather charge the cotton gin at Franklin and then have my arm cut off while biting on a minie ball. Almost. After barely surviving the morning I head for Franklin to meet my two Pac-10 homies for our trip back to Nov. 30, 1864.
6. Craig Stevens is a tight end from California. We met early in training when I identified myself as the person responsible for flying the "SEC Rules Pac-10 Drools" banner over the UT-Cal game. He was very impressed. "That was you?" he asked. For most of training camp Stevens has been ridiculed for pointing out that Cal's mascot is Oskie the bear. Early on Stevens described him as a "business bear" because he was dressed up. Recently Stevens returned to his combine workout folder and found this written in the margin of a page, "Stevens is a business bear." "All right," he said, slamming down his notebook, "who wrote this?"
7. Geoff Schwartz has previously been introduced to readers of the column as the 6-foot-7, 330-pound offensive tackle from Oregon who beat me on a slant-and-go route for a winning touchdown in two-on-two football. I hate him.
8. At some point I enticed both of them to explore both the Carter House and Carnton (two historic homes associated with the Battle of Franklin) by mentioning the blood soaked into the floorboards. I completely forgot about this conversation until Schwartz called me Saturday night and said they wanted to go with me Sunday. So we go.
9. In case you're wondering what the Battle of Franklin is. Here goes from Wikipedia: It's the most incredible and least famous of all Civil War battles. Sort of the pink dolphin of Civil War battlefields. Almost no one has ever visited any site associated with the battle. Few even know about it. Six Confederate generals died, and in mere minutes, more Confederate soldiers died than in two days of fighting at Shiloh.
10. Anyway, we're riding in Craig Stevens' rental car. I'm in the back. Schwartz has the front seat leaned back so far it's touching the back seat. This makes seating myself difficult. Stevens has purchased a Garmin device, which has so far led him astray several times. But today it's working well. While waiting for me, both men have been playing with the device, and Schwartz has changed the driving narrator to the voice of an English woman. "This voice is just so much better," says Stevens. "I told you," says Schwartz.
11. Our destination is the Carter House. The Carter House has more bullet holes than any other structure in America. It was the center of the Yankee line on the day of the battle and it's currently located near a grocery store amid a collection of suburban sprawl. Accompanied by the melodic voice of our English map guide, we pull up at our destination.
