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In a world where Chris Henry and Pacman Jones can still secure NFL contracts, I believe that I, too, can do the impossible.
How wonderful would it be if studio hosts could cram their boring analysis into 17 syllables per team? Just 272 syllables for an entire conference.
The melding of two ancient and beautiful arts -- Haiku and sarcasm.
NFC East
Washington Redskins (11-5)
Toughest division?
The league's most underrated.
Will ambush the rest.
Dallas Cowboys (10-6)
What shall we call this?
Chemistry experiment?
Put on your goggles.
New York Giants (9-7)
Not a hangover.
Just have the same weaknesses.
They'll take "underdog".
Philadelphia Eagles (8-8)
A McNabb riddle.
Of the two, which is weaker?
Receivers or knee?
NFC North
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Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
Nice equation.
Good run game -- great run defense.
And bad division.
Green Bay Packers (8-8)
Goodbye soap opera.
Cheeseheads focus on new things.
"When are the Jets on?"
Detroit Lions (6-10)
The team that cried wolf.
Call us when you have eight wins.
Then win a few more.
Chicago Bears (6-10)
No QB in draft?
Or Leftwich or Culpepper.
Maybe Hester throws?
NFC South
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New Orleans Saints (10-6)
Scoreboard fireworks.
Because of Brees and defense.
Team with ball last wins.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8)
A real contender?
If old Garcia survives.
We kind of doubt it.
Carolina Panthers (7-9)
Remember these guys?
Super Bowl five years ago.
Not even a sniff.
Atlanta Falcons (3-13) How much rebuilding?
A trip to Blank's Home Depot.
Nearly an expansion team.
NFC West
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Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
Lame duck Holmgren's gift?
A cakewalk of a schedule.
One more playoff trip.
Arizona Cardinals (8-8)
Communication?
Boldin and coach are silent.
Can't be a good sign.
San Francisco 49ers (6-10)
QB factory.
Is Alex Smith defective?
Time to prove himself.
St. Louis Rams (6-10)
Greatest show on turf?
It's Steven Jackson's show now.
Defense needs help though.
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NFC Championship Game: Dallas 21, Washington 10
AFC Championship Game: New England 35, Jacksonville 21
Super Bowl XLIII: New England 35, Dallas 31
Sonny Amato is a SPiN Contributor and contributor to The Meaningful Collateral.
