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Long before Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba and Megan Fox arrived on the Hollywood scene, males of a certain age and attitude were equally enthralled with Winona Ryder. If you're wondering when Scarlett, Jessica and Megan are finally going to get naked on screen, well, I was wondering the same thing about Winona throughout the 1990s.
And believe me, your dad was, too.
The cute, waifish actress played the role of alienated outsider to perfection in films like Heathers and Reality Bites. She earned Academy Award nominations for Little Women and Age of Innocence.
She dated Johnny Depp. She dated the guy from Soul Asylum. She dated Matt Damon. She was the Sweetheart of Generation X, and we all believed she'd go topless someday.
But then she went and pulled a Charles Woodson and failed to deliver on her early promise.
On Dec. 12, 2001, Ryder was arrested for shoplifting $5,500 worth of clothes and accessories from a Saks department store in Beverly Hills. She's since disappeared from the face of the earth.
You could argue that she has been in several movies in the interim, including Mr. Deeds with Adam Sandler and A Scanner Darkly, but I'm not having it. Her career died in that Saks in December 2001. She received three years probation and lifetime irrelevance on Mr. Skin.
The chances of seeing her naked now? About the same as seeing Charles Woodson in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
It's easy to forget this now, but when Woodson entered the league in 1998, he was like Reggie Bush -- except he actually delivered on the hype. After becoming the first (and, to date, only) defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy, Woodson was drafted fourth overall by Oakland. He made the Pro Bowl his rookie season, was All-Pro the next three seasons, and was widely considered a very bad man.
Fans loved the cornerback so much that his Raiders alternate jersey was the NFL's top seller in 2000. The Oakland connection, i.e., a fan base consisting largely of unemployed criminals, helped bolster his street cred, but Woodson was undoubtedly a premier shutdown corner who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty in the run game.
He seemed headed for Canton.
But then came The Snow Job.
On Jan. 19, 2002, in the fourth quarter of the Raiders' second-round playoff game against the Patriots, Woodson blitzed Tom Brady on the snow-covered field in Foxborough. He beat Brady about the head and caused the game-clinching fumble. (Not an incompletion, a fumble. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I was there -- in the stands. I was drunk and gazing through blizzard-like conditions, but I know a fumble when I sort of see one.) Regrettably, upon further review, the referee ruled that Brady's arm was moving forward, so the play was ruled an incompletion.
After that, Charles Woodson's career was never the same.
The next season, he was injured for the first time in his career, missing eight games. Then he battled health issues throughout the remainder of his time in Oakland, never playing another 16-game season. He played for the Raiders through 2005, never making another Pro Bowl while in Al Davis's employment.
Woodson is now in his third season in Green Bay. And while he did make the Pro Bowl the year before last, the 11-year pro missed two more games because of injury in 2007. He's still a good cornerback, but let's face it: He's the Winona Ryder of the NFL.
Perhaps it's unfair to lump Woodson, a cornerback whose play fell off due to injuries, together with Ryder, a convict who torpedoed her own career. But considering the career trajectories of these two figures, not to mention the fact they're still toiling in their professions, I feel comfortable with the comparison.
Besides, I spent a considerable amount of time wondering if other sports figures -- Nomar Garciaparra, Grant Hill and Eric Lindros, in particular –- were the Winona Ryder of professional sports. In the end, none of them matched up as well as Woodson, and not only because his downward slope started just one month after hers.
Nomar was beloved in Boston, but never as popular as Jeter or A-Rod nationwide.
Grant Hill went to Duke, so no one ever really liked him.
Lindros probably came closest to fitting the role, given his early dominance, movie star looks, concussions and championship shortcomings. But calling a professional hockey player the Winona Ryder of anything is like calling hockey a dying sport: People tend to want you dead.
So, why would I waste my time contemplating the athletic manifestation of Johnny Depp's former fiancé? Well, as someone who spent the past two decades watching sports and movies, what else am I going to do with my accumulated knowledge? Create crossword puzzles?
I sincerely hope Winona Ryder, soon to be 37, can revive her career. Hopefully she won't have to do something cheap and sensationalist, like pose for Playboy. I think some tasteful on-screen nudity would suffice. Either that or a sequel to Heathers.
At the same time, I hope Charles Woodson can get back on track for Canton. And hopefully the Green Bay cornerback won't have to do something cheap and sensationalist, either.
Like winning a Super Bowl without Brett Favre.
Cameron Martin writes for Bugs&Cranks and Comcast SportsNet New England. You can reach him at cdavidmartin@yahoo.com.
