| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
With the MLB playoffs about to begin, many players are preparing for their first and (perhaps last) taste of postseason baseball. Though my loyalties ultimately lie with the Red Sox, there are players on other teams whose success I won't begrudge -- as long as their success doesn't come at the direct expense of the Red Sox, in which case I shall begrudge strongly.
I'm always wary of sounding too sentimental (not a real danger), so in addition to a list of guys I'll be rooting for this October, I've also put together a list of people I'll be rooting against. Unlike Stuart Scott and other people who bemoan the consumption of "Hatorade" (whatever the hell that tastes like), I'm not in the business of rooting for everyone in the whole wide sunny world.
When I watch a competition, I need rooting interests. Otherwise, why watch? To see "a good game"? Gimme a break. If you watch sports simply to see "good games," without a care for who wins or loses, then you need to find new hobbies.
Either that or you need to start betting.
Anyway, here are the guys I'll be rooting for and against this postseason, presented below in alternating fashion. I've listed ten For and ten Against, because that's all the love and hate I can muster.
(Note: Some of these guys haven't officially made the playoffs yet, because they play for the White Sox or Twins. No matter. As far as I'm concerned, the regular season ended yesterday, because anything played from here on out will have a playoff feel.)
 |
For: Jim Thome, White Sox. He seems like a fixture in postseason baseball, yet stints in Cleveland, Philadelphia and Chicago have never yielded a World Series ring for this future Hall of Famer. He probably should have won a title with the Indians in 1997, but Jose Mesa couldn't close out the Marlins. Then, in 2006, Thome arrived on the South Side -- one year after the Pale Hose won their first ring in 88 years. One of the most feared power hitters of his generation (540 home runs), Thome has never been tainted by steroid rumors. At least none I've heard.
Against: A.J. Pierzynski, White Sox. Have you ever met anyone you liked named "A.J."? Come to think of it, the only people I know with this name -- or sorry, this grammar school nickname -- are Pierzynski, A.J. Burnett, A.J. Hawk and A.J. Soprano. In order, that's a d-bag, an oft-injured d-bag, a Buckeye and a d-bag. Yes, I neglected to mention A.J. Foyt, but I wouldn't recognize him if I ran him over with my lawn mower.
For: Vladimir Guerrero, Anaheim Angels of California. He carried the Angels' post-2002 team for a long time, and I've always loved (and feared) his devil-may-care hitting approach. During the 2004 division series vs. the Red Sox, I was driving to Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut, listening to Game 3 on the radio. When I parked my car, the Sox were ahead 6-2. By the time I got inside and received my press pass -- to Game 1 of the WNBA Finals between the Connecticut Sun and the Seattle Storm -- Vlad the Impaler had tied the game with an opposite-field grand slam.
What, you thought I went there to gamble?
After Guerrero's home run I nearly abandoned my work assignment (seriously, I was hired to do this weeks earlier; otherwise I would have been watching my Red Sox, dammit!) and headed to the black jack tables.
Luckily, David Ortiz won the game with a walk-off home run ... something I learned from the Suns' public address announcer.
Let's just move on.
 |
Against: Jonny Gomes, Rays. Nice mohawk, ya cheap-shot artist. First he blindsides Shelley Duncan in spring training, then he blindsides Coco Crisp in the regular season. Note to his girlfriend: He probably kicks your cat when you're not looking.
For: Jamie Moyer, Phillies. For the most part, I'm not a fan of senior citizens. In fact, I'm pretty sure one of them will be the death of me someday -- most likely while I'm walking down the street, minding my own business, when some fossil confuses the gas pedal with the brake, jumps the curb and sends me through a plate-glass window. If, by chance, that senior citizen is Jamie Moyer, I hope he's wearing a World Series ring. The guy has been toiling/surviving in the majors for 22 years. He has won 245 games (for seven different teams), but he's never played in the World Series. But hey, that's what happens when you spend half your career playing in Seattle and Philadelphia.
Against: Jimmy Rollins, Phillies. J-Roll had been embraced by Phillies fans, but when the Phillies hit a tough stretch this year, he called them frontrunners. If Rollins had been a contestant on Hell's Kitchen, Gordon Ramsey would have thrown the risotto at him and yelled, "Donkey! Get out!" With luck, he'll bomb in spectacular fashion this postseason, and then Phils fans will shower him with something tasty.
 |
For: Ryan Howard, Phillies. Have you seen the Subway commercial where he recites that godawful poem? Yeah, this man has no freaking shame, and I appreciate that. He also seems like a genuinely nice person, so if you're into that sort of thing ...
Against: Boof Bonser of the Twins, who legally changed his name from John to Boof in 2001. To be honest, no one on Minnesota annoys me. They're (more or less) yearly contenders in one of baseball's most competitive divisions, yet they haven't worn out their welcome like those A's teams from earlier in the decade, whose postseason implosions always seemed inevitable. Still, it doesn't seem right not to root against at least one person from every team, so I pick Boof Bonser, because Boof's from St. Petersburg, Fla., and that's a stupid place to be from.
For: Rocco Baldelli, Rays. He has never been on my Fantasy team, so I don't bemoan his yearly injuries. Moreover, he had to endure the Rays' down years, when he genuinely seemed like a superstar in the making. Now they've gotten their house in order, and Baldelli has some kind of rare, undiagnosed condition that leaves him constantly fatigued. If this guy didn't have bad luck, he wouldn't have any luck at all.
Against: Tony Gwynn, Brewers. The Hall of Famer couldn't win a ring with the Padres, so now he's trying to win one with the Brewers? Dude, hang it up, already, you're like 50 years old and morbidly obese.
 |
For: Brett Myers, Phillies. We all know people whose failure is hilarious -- people like Bill Parcells and Lou Piniella, whose tempers cause them to say stupid, amusing things after a gut-wrenching loss. Yeah, Brett Myers isn't one of those people. When he's upset, he's more likely to do something stupid, indefensible and completely unamusing, like punch his wife. For her sake, let's hope he has a nice postseason.
Against: Manny Ramirez, Dodgers. I'm a Red Sox fan, and while I certainly appreciate Man Ram's many contributions over the years, the fact is he quit on the Sox this year, forcing the trade to Los Angeles. Some moronic team will reward him this offseason, signing him to a four-year deal worth approximately $20 million per season; and hopefully that team will be the Yankees, because once Ramirez gets his next contract (the last big payday of his career), he'll expend as much effort in the next few years as inmates making license plates.
For: Nomar Garciaparra, Dodgers. If it seems hypocritical to root against Ramirez but to root for Nomar (both of whom essentially quit on the Red Sox), I can only say, "Nomar had to do those SNL skits with Jimmy Fallon."
Honestly, I've never reconciled myself to Nomar's departure from Boston. Even today, I don't really know who's to blame in that whole fiasco. Perhaps he was stupid to leave a four-year, $60 million deal on the table. And perhaps the Red Sox should have shown more appreciation for his skills and accomplishments and coughed up that $8 million signing bonus he wanted.
Everyone seems to remember Nomar sitting on the bench during that signature 2004 game -- ya know, the one where Jeter tripped over the tarp and was somehow credited with making a miraculous catch -- but mostly I remember a player who was as beloved as any Boston player in the era before the team started winning World Series again.
Now he ranks somewhere below Curtis Leskanic.
The Sox players awarded him a half share for the 2004 title, but it'd be nice to see this star-crossed, oft-injured player earn something in his own right.
 |
Against: Eric Gagne, Brewers. If Brewers general manager Doug Melvin had done his homework, i.e., called a single solitary Red Sox fan (outside the Red Sox front office), he'd have known that putting Gagne in his bullpen would lead directly to a spike in heart attacks among Wisconsin residents. I have to root against Gagne -- the man tried to kill me.
For: David Price of the Rays. Drafted No. 1 overall by the Rays in 2007, Price went to Vanderbilt, my alma mater. Till now, the best baseball player in Vanderbilt history was either Joey Cora or Scott Sanderson -- unless you count Mark Prior, who went to Vandy his freshman year, but then transferred to USC.
If this were 2003, I'd probably count him.
Against: Jim Edmonds, Cubs. Come on, Cubs fans, you're not really rooting for the former St. Louis center fielder, are you? Be honest: You hope he fails miserably, so then you can blame a Cardinals mole when the fit hits the shan. It's OK, I'm also rooting against Mr. No Need to Dive. He and Curt Schilling are charter members of the Glory Hound Hall of Fame.
 |
For: Ken Griffey Jr., White Sox. Best all-around player I've ever seen. Sure, he's washed up, and he has no business playing center field anymore. But he still has the sweetest swing in baseball. Well, at least when he hits the ball.
Against: Alfonso Soriano, Cubs. The kind of guy who makes a nice diving play and gets up giggling, even though his team is losing 11-2. Robinson Cano is his heir apparent.
For: The left arm of CC Sabathia. He just pitched his third consecutive game on three days' rest, basically carrying the Brewers into the postseason on the strength of that left arm. Hopefully it won't fall off.
Against: Fans who wave white "rally" towels. People, act like you've been here before, i.e., don't support your team by waving the international sign for surrender.
Cam Martin also writes for BugsandCranks.com and Comcast SportsNet New England. You can e-mail him at cdavidmartin@yahoo.com.
