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Within hours of Sen. John McCain tapping Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to run for the second most important job in the free world, the Internets were all abuzz about Palin's original dream job: SportsCenter anchor. By now the video has been removed from most websites, but for a few days back in late August, you had the opportunity to see McCain's running mate announcing basketball highlights with ice hockey hair. You know, just like John Adams once did.
But ESPN's loss was Alaska's gain. Sarah said "thanks but no thanks" to moving to Bristol, Conn., and instead stayed in Alaska to raise Bristol Palin and the rest of her kids. Sarah got her first taste of politics by joining her local city council, and the rest is history.
But what if she had decided to stick with sportscasting? Would Sarah Barracuda have been another Linda Cohn, or another "Boom goes the dynamite" guy? Here's how I think her career would have played out.
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| Palin's on-air debut was a smash hit, but then they fixed her microphone so you could hear her. (Getty Images) |
1989: While reporting highlights of the Stanley Cup finals, Sarah announces a spectacular Mike Vernon save by saying "I said thanks but no thanks for that slap shot!" It will be the first of many times she uses this signature catchphrase.
1990: With two young children at home, Sarah tells KTUU that she won't travel to Russia to interview the men's world ice hockey championship team. Instead she writes interview questions on bed sheets and places them on her roof, assuming the team can read them from Russia. She gets no response.
1991: Sarah becomes embroiled in controversy for the first time. While covering the Iditarod from the KTUU helicopter, Palin believes she spots a wolf and starts shooting at it for sport. Unfortunately for Sarah, the "wolf" is actually Goose, the lead dog of Rick "King of the Iditarod" Swenson's race-winning sled. However, five-time Iditarod champ Swenson had no problem outrunning an Alaskan news chopper.
1992: After Anchorage loses the 1992 Winter Olympics bid to Albertville, France (coming in sixth of seven possible host sites), Palin refuses to travel to the Games, and instead creates the "Anchoraglympics" in her hometown. Husband Todd is the big winner, going home (conveniently located right down the street) with gold medals in snowmobile, ice fishing, hockey and general hunkiness.
1993: Palin gets her first taste for politics. During a sportscast, she demands that the NCAA investigate why Michigan's Chris Webber is not allowed to use the timeout he asked for during closing seconds of his team's championship game loss to North Carolina.
1994: With the "nearby" Vancouver Canucks playing for the Stanley Cup, ESPN taps Alaska's favorite hockey mom/sportscaster to provide sideline coverage during the games. Highlights included Palin asking Vancouver coach Pat Quinn, "Can you answer for me, what exactly does a hockey coach do all day," showing Rangers captain Mark Messier a picture of her 5-year-old hockey playing son, Track, and asking if he'd consider letting him play a shift and running for cover when Gary Thorne announces a Pavel Bure interview by saying, "Please welcome the Russian Rocket!"
1995: Palin finally makes the jump to the big leagues, as she's named co-host of ESPN2's NHL 2Night. For two years she shares a haircut and shoulder pads with Barry Melrose.
1996: Ultra-conservative Palin irks NHL 2Night producers for refusing to say certain player names on the air, including Ron Tugnutt, Miroslav Satan, Anatoli Semenov, Alexei Zhitnik, Sergei Federov and Ron Francis.
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| This bulldog in lipstick won't cover the olympics until Alaskans are no longer forgotten. (Getty Images) |
1998: ESPN asks Palin if she would like to cover the Winter Olymics in Nagano, Japan. She instead boycotts the Games, citing the fact that the Olympic Committee is prejudiced to Alaskans for once again not adding snowmobile as an event.
1999: After the United States wins the women's World Cup, Palin spoils the mood by reacting negatively to Brandi Chastain's bra-bearing post-goal celebration. "That is a disgusting act by Brandi Chastain. And it's unfortunate that we have that on our air live. That is disgusting by Brandi Chastain," she tells everyone, predating Joe Buck by a good few years.
2000: Starved for players, the WNBA's expansion Seattle Storm ask former high school standout and current ESPN analyst Sarah "Barracuda" Palin to play for the team. She averages 3.6 points and 1.7 assists, doing little to help the Storm as they stumble to a 6-26 record.
2001: While doing sideline reporting during the World Series, Palin has her first interaction with Sen. John McCain. Spotting his Diamondbacks hat, Palin kicks off the interview by saying, "So, I've heard great things about your Big Unit!" McCain is smitten and begins sending her correspondence via telegraph on a regular basis.
2002: In an effort to lure older, female viewers, Fox Sports recruits Palin to co-host The Best Darn Sports Show You Ever Did See. Her diverse and wacky co-hosts include Chris Evert, Florence Griffith-Joyner, Delta Burke and Judy Tenuta.
2003: Palin is once again embroiled in controversy after she tries to ban Martina Navratilova's Being Myself from the "Best Darn Book Club" segment of her show. After a fight that includes Palin nearly being decapitated by Tenuta's accordion, she leaves the network indefinitely.
2004: While on hiatus from TV, Palin spends time shuttling her kids to and from hockey practice, and catching up on the news by reading most news sources out there.
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| Palin reacts to the stench of Bill O'Reilly, sweat and Depends undergarments from the Fox studio. (Getty Images) |
2006: Thanks to Newsacuda, Palin becomes a superstar back home in Alaska, and is referred to affectionately as "The Governor." Taking her nickname to heart, Palin moves back home and decides to run for actual governor. She wins.
2007: Former sportscaster Palin travels with her state's junior hockey all-star team as they face off against teams in Washington State. Palin uses her executive clout to introduce her daughter's boyfriend, team captain Levi Johnston, to the Seattle Seahawks cheerleaders. Six months later, eight members of the cheerleading squad are forced to take mysterious leaves of absence.
2008: In a shocking move, McCain picks Palin becomes the first ex-sportscaster to join a major presidential ticket. In her first speech, Palin tells the world she's just doing her part to shatter the glass ceiling once and for all, and make it OK for people like Woody Paige, Stephen A. Smith, and Jillian Barberie to one day run for president.
