Satellite imagery of Mars shows what might have been baseball park

AREA X38T78, MARS, SOLAR SYSTEM (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- NASA scientists and baseball historians issued a joint statement Thursday that indicated that an ancient race of interstellar beings might have played an advanced form of baseball on the planet Mars some 11 billion years ago.

"What we're seeing looks very much like the baseball fields we're all familiar with here on earth," said Constantine Breslow, NASA's chairman of Intergalactic Studies. "The alignment is uncannily like something you'd find in any small American town. However, there are structures we can't fully account for. They might have possibly been used for locker rooms or facilities to house species from other planets with the intent of draining them of their life force -- you know those Martians."

Satellite imagery shows what could be the longest running men's softball complex. (Provided to CBSSports.com)

"I'm convinced this is a real baseball field," said Sabremetrics guru Bill James. "I'm particularly impressed by the signage near the right field wall -- some advertising slogan touting men's grooming. I'm paraphrasing of course, but I believe it went -- 'Five o'clock shadow -- What's it worth? Just two crazarts a klim -- Now, let's bomb Earth. Burma Shave.' I'm speculating here, but a crazart must have been some form of currency or barter, and a klim was apparently a container of some kind. The bombing Earth part is pretty clear."

NASA and the baseball historians will try to determine over the next few days if the form of baseball played on Mars was similar to what's now played on Earth.

"If this is true, the whole birth of baseball thing goes right down the crapper," said X.D. Kniffen, conspiracy theorist and author of The Dodgers Left Brooklyn: and Other Lies My Father Told Me. "I feel like everything we know, or think we know, is manufactured somewhere in an underground compound so that some mega-corporate entity, secret society and/or extra-terrestrial race can somehow benefit. It's a lot like how they told us 50 years ago that the Dodgers left Brooklyn, which was the focal point of my most celebrated book. I have lots of hard-hitting innuendo that clearly illustrates they're still in Brooklyn."

When asked if he can explain the existence of Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles and the demolition of Brooklyn's Ebbets Field on Feb. 23, 1960, Kniffen became reticent. "Uh, OK. I'm ... just read the book."

NASA Photo Z9925T depicting the field complex is quickly making its way around scientific circles and is an Internet phenomenon.

"I guess this answers the age-old question as to whether there's other life in the universe," said Kevin Manusky, a White Sox fan from Evanston, Ill. "There is life, or at least was. And it seems evident they probably had to pay 20 bucks for parking too."

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