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Drew Magary is a self-described "32-year-old father of one with an ample bosom and no discernible talent."
He's selling himself short.
Magary, aka Big Daddy Drew, is a cofounder of Kissing Suzy Kolber, a popular website that satirizes the NFL. He's also a columnist for Deadspin, where his Thursday afternoon Jamboroo, a foul-mouthed mix of humor, NFL previews and random observations, has garnered a large following.
His first book, which comes out today, is Men with Balls: The Professional Athlete's Handbook. It's a hysterical send-up of today's athletes and the challenges they face, including how to manage an entourage, what drugs to take, what cars to drive, what women to sleep with and how to manage a successful retirement.
During the following e-mail interview, Magary touched on a range of topics, including his inspiration for the book, his disdain for the Green Bay Packers, his prediction for a hypothetical arm-wrestling match between John McCain and Barack Obama and how he lived down the incident when his college roommate's girlfriend caught him masturbating to The Price is Right.
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| Known by most as Big Daddy Drew, Drew Magary loves what a book deal can do for his vocabulary. (Provided to CBSSports.com) |
Drew: When I started blogging, I ran a small site called FKS. When I set up the template for the blog, it asked for a screen name. And so, of course, I entered the first and dumbest screen name that came to my mind. Because I'm big. Quite fat, even. And I'm a daddy. And my name is Drew. Hence, Big Daddy Drew. So very creative.
Now I'm trying to get away from the screen name to my real name, Drew Magary. It's always a blast to see all the new inventive ways people can mispronounce my name. Sometimes they throw a "k" in there for no reason at all. Crazy!
Cam: Drew, how did you come to cofound Kissing Suzy Kolber? Did you ever try to get a so-called conventional job in journalism at a newspaper or magazine? Please chart your career path from college graduation up to and including breakfast.
Drew: After I founded that first blog, FKS, I hooked up with Matt Ufford (of KSK and With Leather), who had his own small personal blog. We mutually admired each other's sites, which sounds far more latently homosexual than it really is.
He had set up his blog to chronicle a brief fling he had with a Brazilian girl, because people can't get enough of Penthouse Forum-style serial writing featuring ample-bottomed South American women.
One day, after the fling ended, he said to me, "Hey, what do I do with my blog now?" So I said, "Why don't you start a group NFL site? I've never seen one of those." So he latched onto the idea and came up with the name. Then we started the site, grabbed a few other writers we like, and off we went. No muss, no fuss.
I never tried to get a conventional journalism job. Because journalism requires lots of field work, and you can't swear. So that automatically disqualified me. I'm by trade an ad writer. I write ads for a company called SmithGifford. If you see a tray liner promoting Roy Rogers new Roast Beef and Cheddar sandwich, that's me. I can really make a tray liner sing.
Cam: What's the best sports book you've ever read? And who are some sportswriters you admire?
Drew: The best sports book I ever read, in complete honesty, was Friday Night Lights by Buzz Bissinger. And I'm not just saying that because Buzz blurbed my book. Or because we're clandestine lovers. It's just a great ... book. But, in general, I'd far rather WATCH sports than read a sports book or see a sports movie.
Among sportswriters, I admire Will Leitch the most, because he had the vision to set out and write about sports in a whole new way with Deadspin. I wouldn't be here without his influence. And, like all bloggers, I owe a debt to (Bill) Simmons, a debt I have repaid the man by heaping a small avalanche of healthy scorn atop him. You can only make so many 90210 references before everyone turns against you, you know.
Cam: In an arm-wrestling match between John McCain and Barack Obama, who would win? And why? (Please, no references to Sylvester Stallone, Over the Top, or Bill Simmons.)
Drew: Would they use the strap? I'm pretty sure Obama would start out the contest winning, except that McCain would have Sarah Palin behind him, giving a sexy wink and maybe a boob flash to serve as a distraction. Then Joe the Plumber would charge into the room riding piggyback on top of Sean Hannity and declare McCain the winner because the media had rigged the contest.
Cam: You work for an ad agency. What exactly do you do for them? At what point did your boss learn that you were writing for Kissing Suzy Kolber and (later) Deadspin? Were there any incidents where you wrote something that angered your employers?
Drew: I write headlines, TV ads, radio ads, billboards, web banners, and the legal copy that is tightly bunched into the corner of a newspaper ad that tells you the wireless plan advertised actually costs $200 more than you think. I only told my bosses about the sites I write for AFTER I got the book deal. A book deal can help legitimize ANY dick joke you make online.
Cam: Explain the genesis of Men with Balls. You mention in the book that it wasn't your idea, so how long did it take you to come around to the idea of this particular book? And did the idea evolve, or was it always conceived as "The Professional Athlete's Handbook"?
Drew: No, it was my idea. ALL MINE! I conceived the idea after three very intense minutes of brainstorming. Then my agent said I should "flesh it out," which sounded to me like she wanted me to include pictures from High Society magazine in it. Turns out she wanted a more detailed explanation. Who knew?
And the idea did evolve. It didn't start off as a handbook for pro athletes. The original idea was an "immigrant cookbook," and by that I mean a cookbook for people who want to eat immigrants.
Cam: Beyond the Vikings and Purple Jesus, aka Adrian Peterson, what sports teams and colleges do you root for?
Drew: I'm a VERY casual fan of all Minnesota sports teams, so casual that I will only root for a team like the T-Wolves if they are up by 45 points in the clinching game of the NBA Finals. You don't get much more casual than that. I find it's much more fun to root against teams than to root for them. Like the Packers. God, I hate the Packers. Are you a Packer fan? Because I'll kick you in the chest if you are.
Cam: In the book, you said your college roommate's girlfriend walked in while you were masturbating to The Price of Right. Is that story true? If so, what portion of the show had you so excited? The Showcase Showdown? How did you get beyond the incident? By the way, was she impressed or revolted? You never said.
Drew: The story was true. Barker's beauties, man. You got Janice Dickinson straddling a Jet Ski, you got a one-man party.
How did I get beyond the incident? I think I may need another two decades to recover fully. And no, the girl who caught me was not impressed. Judging by the look on her face, I may as well have been brandishing a bloody butcher knife.
Cam: I see Buzz Bissinger blurbed your book. After his run-in with Deadspin founder Will Leitch on Costas Now, you said he fornicated with horses. Given that, how did you get him to read your book and like it?
Drew: Because Buzz is a man who knows fine literature when he sees it. No one can resist the power of my Balls. NO ONE! Oh, and because I asked nicely.
Cam: Back in June on Deadspin, you discussed the benefits of online anonymity. Beyond the obvious -- not getting fired, like your KSK colleague Michael Tunison, aka Christmas Ape, who was fired by the Washington Post after "coming out" -- you said the guy who was Deep Throat should have remained anonymous, because he turned out to be boring. What was the reaction in general from readers when they learned your name and your back story? Did you lose any readers? Gain any stalkers?
Drew: For the most part, no one cared. I got a few old classmates who e-mailed me and said HOLY S---! YOU'RE THAT DUDE! I REMEMBER WHEN JEN CAUGHT YOU WHACKING IT TO THE PRICE IS RIGHT! So that was nice. Then there was one commenter who said in a post, "God, now that I know your name, for some reason you aren't as funny anymore." And I can almost kind of understand why. If you're anonymous, it all feels a bit more naughty. That's why I use the pseudonym "Harvey Wallbanger" whenever I frequent the Bunny Ranch.
Cam: Do you think your writing style has changed since shedding your anonymity? Become edgier? More tame?
Drew: No, I don't think it's much different. Same amount of gratuitous swearing. Same glaring lack of cohesion. I tell you, one typo in and you KNOW you've got yourself a vintage Drew post.
Sure, people now know that I look like an overgrown six-year-old, but I don't think that changes much of anything.
Cam: In Men with Balls, you have some valuable advice for professional athletes, including "the best way to remember the names of your illegitimate children is by getting a tattoo." In your estimation, what's the best piece of advice in this book?
Drew: Oh, that one. By a mile. I have one LEGITIMATE child, and half the time I couldn't remember her name if she spelled it out on a goddamn Lite Brite for me.
Cam: As research for this project, did you read other handbooks? If so, which ones? And what did they teach you?
Drew: I did read one other handbook, which was an old pamphlet from 1867 on how to grow sorghum. Did you know if you plant the sorghum seed in the spring, with an old corncob, you get a much more robust harvest? I did not.
But that didn't really end up having much application for this book. I did spend a lot of time skimming Wikipedia entries. Research is very tiring. I don't know how that Gladwell nerd does it.
Cam: You grew up in Wayzata, Minn. Now why would you do that?
Drew: I know! It's such a terrible place! With so much lush grass, and roomy houses, and friendly neighbors, and country club swim meets! TORTURE, I tell you.
It was a hard life. And let me tell you something: If you ain't ever been to Wayzata, don't ever come to Wayzata. Because you wouldn't understand Wayzata. So stay the (bleep) out of Wayzata.
Cam: If possible, please explain the popularity of Rick Reilly. If that's impossible, please move along.
Drew: Because he's so wacky! And crazy! And makes such cool punz! I don't know. People Reilly seem to like him!
Cam: Do you have any plans to write more books?
Drew: Not if enough people buy this one, I tell you that.
Cam: Can you envision a full-time job as a sportswriter? Or do you like the balance you have right now between the ad agency and your sportswriting career?
Drew: No, because I'm really a comedy writer first. Sports just happens to be the subject I cover. Would I prefer to be a full-time sportswriter, and spend days out on the road talking to naked players who will give me canned soundbites painstakingly crafted by their publicists? Um, no. I'll stick with the Roy Rogers ads.
Men with Balls comes out today and is available on Amazon.
Cam Martin also writes for BugsandCranks.com and Comcast SportsNet New England. Email him at cdavidmartin@yahoo.com
