Residents of Delaware and Virginia who wondered when Maryland was going to get showcased on Worst State for Football can breathe easy, because the home state of John Wilkes Booth is now on the clock.
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| There's a lot of good baseball players from Maryland, like Havre de Grace's Cal Ripken. (Getty Images) |
How can the nation's seventh-oldest state, home to one of the nation's oldest large cities, Baltimore, not have produced a single all-time great football player? Frankly, it's something of a mystery.
You want great baseball players? Maryland has given us Babe Ruth, Lefty Grove, Jimmie Foxx, Cal Ripken and Al Kaline. You want great racehorses or lacrosse players or basketball players? The Old Line State has produced those, too. But football greats? Nope, the Land of Mary is totally soft.
Perhaps it has to do with the odd shape of the state. Check out Maryland on a map. It's how somebody might draw Florida in Pictionary if they were blindfolded and drunk.
Anyway, let's review the history of pigskin in the state bisected by the Chesapeake Bay. We'll look at its best players, its best prospect(s) for induction to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and its best excuses for sucking at America's favorite game.
Remember, place of birth is how the Hall lists its members, so please don't bring up Johnny Unitas (who was born in Pittsburgh) or any of the 11 Baltimore Colts who are enshrined in Canton. Unlike Spiro Agnew, none of those gentlemen were born in Maryland.
Maryland (population: 5,616,000; 19th in the nation)
Entered the union: 1788.
Number of NFL players all-time: 189, according to Pro-Football-Reference.com.
Most career games: Sean Landeta, 284.
Most career games, non-punter: Trace Armstrong, 211.
Some foreign countries with more Hall of Famers than Maryland: Italy (Leo Nomellini), Guatemala (Ted Hendricks), Honduras (Steve Van Buren), Mexico (Tom Fears) and Bavaria (Ernie Stautner).
Number of active players: 15.
Best active player: Julian Peterson. The Seahawks linebacker, a native of Temple Hills, Md., has been elected to four Pro Bowls. He graduated from Valley Forge Military Academy, the place that drove Tom Cruise insane (in Taps).
As a native of Maryland, Peterson can rightly be called ... a Marylander, yes.
Other Marylanders you'll occasionally see mentioned on SportsCenter: LaMont Jordan, E.J. Henderson, N.D. Kalu, Leigh Bodden, Darnell Dockett, Visanthe Shiancoe.
Most likely to be seen naked on television: Shiancoe.
Pet name for his penis: The shank.
Can he ride that to the Hall of Fame? Have dog will hunt.
Former player who sounds like a death row inmate: Waine Bacon.
Best football player in state history: It's a close race between three running backs, Chuck Foreman, Calvin Hill and Chris Warren, but we'll give the nod to Foreman. The Frederick native was a true all-purpose back and made the Pro Bowl five times between 1973 and 1980. The former Vikings great was the 1973 Associated Press NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year, twice led the league in total touchdowns and came within 6 yards of leading the NFC in both receptions (73) and rushing yards in 1975, when he had 22 total touchdowns. Injuries derailed his career, and he finished with 5,950 rushing yards and 53 rushing touchdowns, averaging 3.8 yards per attempt, while catching 350 passes for 3,156 yards and 23 receiving touchdowns.
Why isn't he in the Hall of Fame? Because the Vikings always choke on the big stage. (Note: See yesterday's game.) Foreman was the Vikings' main offensive threat in the 1970s, but Minnesota never won a title, and Foreman laid an egg in three Super Bowls. In 13 career playoff games, he rushed for more than 100 yards on four occasions, scoring seven postseason touchdowns. Unfortunately, none of those games (or touchdowns) happened during a Super Bowl. Look away, these are some ghastly stat lines:
• In 1974 vs. Miami, he rushed seven times for 18 yards, and caught five balls for another 27 yards.
• In 1975 vs. Pittsburgh, he rushed 12 times for 18 yards and caught five balls for another 50.
• In 1977 vs. Oakland, he rushed 17 times for 44 yards and caught 5 balls for another 62.
Total in 3 Super Bowls: 36 rushes for 80 yards, and 15 catches for 139 yards. (Maybe they should have just thrown to him on every play, because that's a pretty respectable average.) If the Vikings had won one Super Bowl in that stretch, Foreman probably would be in the Hall. He had 17 100-yard rushing games in his career, including a 200-yard game against the Eagles in 1976. He also had four 100-yard receiving games.
Will he make the Hall someday? Probably not. He ranks alongside players like Roger Craig, Ricky Watters and Terrell Davis -- great players on great teams whose peaks were a bit too brief. Besides, those guys actually won Super Bowls.
Other good Marylanders not invited to wear yellow blazers: Hill, Warren, Landeta, Tony Greene, Raymond Chester, Keith Sims, Tom Scott, E.J. Junior, Marty Lyons, Robert Griffith.
Best prospect for future induction: Conor Doherty, defensive end, Millersville, Md. He's in eighth grade, and he's my nephew. What, you're gonna pin your hopes on Julian Peterson? Good luck with that, he plays in Seattle.
Best Unitas: Pong Unitas, who played two games for Washington in 1921. Again, Johnny Unitas is from Pennsylvania, a state that doesn't suck at football.
Best ball-busting name: Michael Stonebreaker, who played at Notre Dame.
Heisman Trophy Winner(s): Doug Flutie. Sure, he's associated with Natick, Mass., but the 1984 Heisman winner was born in Manchester, Md. And while he might be an all-time great in Canada, he won't be polishing a bust in Canton anytime soon.
Notable runner up: Quarterback Jack Scarbath, University of Maryland, 1952.
Other Heisman winners who went to college in Maryland: Joe Bellino, Navy (1960); Roger Staubach, Navy (1963). But they weren't born in the state.
Respectable college team(s): University of Maryland, United States Naval Academy.
NCAA titles: One (Maryland, 1953). Coach Jim Tatum led the Terps to three unbeaten seasons in the 1950s, but the program has not been heard from since.
Some notable MD alumni: Boomer Esiason, Stan Gelbaugh, Neil O'Donnell, Frank Reich, Scott Zolak, Randy White, Shawne Merriman -- none of them were born in Maryland.
Best quarterback in state history: Flutie, mainly by default. Here's the top 10 in career passing yards for Maryland natives: Flutie, Jeff Komlo, Scarbath, Bob Clatterbuck, Bob Williams, Tom Flick, Chuck Pastrana, Calvin Hill, Tommy Mont, Tim Ward.
Wait, was Calvin Hill eightth on that list? Yes he was, with 204 yards passing on 13 career attempts.
NFL teams: Baltimore Ravens.
Super Bowl wins: One.
Murder trials: One.
Former NFL teams: Baltimore Colts.
Super Bowl wins: One.
NFL titles: Two.
Record in greatest games ever played: 1-0. The Colts won the fabled 1958 NFL Championship Game against the Giants, an overtime thriller that raised the game's profile in the national consciousness.
The game was played ... in New York.
Maybe Maryland can't produce a Hall of Fame player because ... forests cover approximately 2.7 million acres, or 43 percent of the state's land surface. Cut down the trees, build more apartment buildings, raise more children = improve your odds of producing healthy, skilled players.
Or maybe it's because ... the official state sport of Maryland is jousting.
Or maybe it's because ... the Irsays are dirty, back-stabbing humps.
Maryland may not be great for football, but it still ... has the highest median household income of any state in America ($68,080), according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
That helps explain ... the popularity of lacrosse, which is football for guys who can't take hits.
Coming soon on Worst State for Football: Nevada.
Cam Martin also writes for BugsandCranks.com and Comcast SportsNet New England. Email: cdavidmartin@yahoo.com
