S.P.O.R.T.S. Cam: NBA playoffs mean I'm a Maverick man

When Patrick Ewing played for the Knicks, I rooted for New York, but since he left the team, my interest in the Knicks (and, in turn, the NBA) has ebbed considerably. As of this past weekend, however, I'm a huge Dallas Mavericks fan.

Here are the reasons why:

•  I want to watch the NBA again.

•  The NBA is only worth watching come playoff time.

• The NBA is only worth watching come playoff time if you have a rooting interest. The Celtics and Lakers last year? Yeah, riveting stuff (for those two fan bases).

•  If I had to be 7-feet tall and German, I'd want to be Dirk Nowitzki.

•  The Mavericks have won more than 50 games in nine straight seasons, and the only organizations to accomplish that feat (Lakers, Spurs, Celtics twice) have also won multiple titles. In other words, the Mavericks are pathetic underachievers, because they've never won a championship, so no one can accuse me of being a front-runner. After all, who else has picked them to win the NBA title this year? If I followed the team closely, I might be able to answer that question, but the reason I love the Mavs so much is because I don't follow them at all. Where was I in 2006, when they squandered a 2-0 lead to the Heat in the NBA Finals? Not rooting for them, thank god.

•  I can think of the Mavericks without thinking of the Cowboys. They're both run by loudmouth yahoo owners, but for some reason I don't equate these two Dallas teams, which is good because Cowboys fans are imbeciles.

The Yankees may have beaten the Indians yesterday to earn a split in the four-game series, but all that separated New York from an utterly humiliating opening homestand in their new stadium was a poor afternoon from the Indians' bullpen, who blew Carl Pavano's gold-plated eff you to the Bronx faithful.

Over six innings, the former Yankees whipping boy allowed one earned run on four hits, striking out four and walking one. Even when things looked the most tenuous, in the sixth inning Pavano came up roses. The Yankees had first and second and nobody out with Derek Jeter at the plate representing the go-ahead run. The Captain grounded into a double play. Johnny Damon, now batting, represented the tying run. Pavano drilled him with a pitch. After Mark Teixeira walked, the Yankees had the bases loaded and their best middle reliever -– Nick Swisher –- coming to the plate. Swisher whiffed for the third time against Pavano.

End of six, Indians ahead 3-1, Pavano done for the day and in line for the win: Every Yankee fan died a little inside, regardless of the day's outcome.

Jeopardy! might have discovered the second coming of Ken Jennings, the software engineer from Salt Lake City who won 74 straight times and netted more than $2.4 million in 2004. Kevin Joyce of Leominster, Mass., has crushed the competition so far, winning more than $111,000 in three episodes. The strangest thing? Joyce is a customer service representative.

Now, I know there are a lot of intelligent, friendly people in customer service. But the really intelligent ones always find a new line of work because they get tired of dealing with bedwetters who can't read instruction manuals.

Joyce either has the patience of Job or he works as a Maytag customer service rep, which allows him time to read up on opera, world geography and foods that start with the letter q.

Watch tonight as he makes the other contestants cry.

Dodger Stadium is the third-oldest ballpark in Major League Baseball, after Fenway Park and Wrigley Field, yet despite its history as a venue for championship teams and big events -- including concerts and the finals of the World Baseball Classic -- I can name few distinguishing characteristics about the place. It's the most non-descript big-name stadium in baseball.

When you think of Wrigley, you think of the ivy and the brick walls and the neighborhood around the ballpark. When you think of Fenway, you think of the Green Monster and the hand-run scoreboard and the small, intimate setting.

When you think of Dodger Stadium, what do you think of? I think of the last scene from Better Off Dead.

Dodger Stadium, finished in 1962, doesn't have the same cache as other big-name baseball parks. Diehard baseball fans will make a point to see games at Wrigley, Fenway or Yankee Stadium, but have you met anyone who waxes poetic about Dodger Stadium? What do they describe? Those bleacher stairs that allow fans to fetch home runs? When I think of Dodger Stadium, that's the only physical characteristic that comes to mind.

The old Shea Stadium was more or less indistinct, too. It had that lame, gaudy Big Apple, but little else of note. But Shea is now closed, while Dodger Stadium remains. And with no plans to replace it, it's simply going to age without charm or distinction.

Somebody plant some ivy in that dump.

Remember how recently it was that Seahawks fans were whining about the officiating in Super Bowl XL against the Steelers? Of course you do, because they're still whining.

Well, the NFL has had enough.

The Seahawks are one of six NFL teams that will not be playing any games on Sunday or Monday night next season. They join Detroit, St. Louis, Seattle, Cincinnati, Kansas City and Tampa Bay as the teams most likely to induce nausea.

Scheduling primetime games is always a dicey proposition, as sexy teams like the Browns sometimes go backwards. But the NFL has to feel confident about leaving these six teams in the dark, since three of them have never won a Super Bowl. Maybe when you stop whining (or start winning), the NFL will invite you back to the adults' table, Seattle. Now go get your shine box.

After Josh Beckett buzzed a fastball past Bobby Abreu in a game last week, Abreu threw a conniption fit, the two engaged in a yo momma contest and the benches emptied.

Beckett wasn't thrown out of the game, but Bob Watson of Major League Baseball still handed him a six-game suspension --- for making "aggressive actions."

Apparently Bob's had a second thought, however, because Major League Baseball ruled yesterday that Beckett's suspension would be reduced to five games, meaning he won't miss a start.

Just to recap: Abreu wasn't hit by the pitch, Beckett wasn't thrown out of the game, and Bob Watson wasn't admitted to Mensa.