FOMM: Summer of Love Edition

1. The Mystery of Mathieu

So here's a great premise for a movie: A 24-year-old tennis player gets suspended for gambling on his own sport. Though he wasn't caught betting on his own matches, he was believed to have "influenced a number of outcomes." Then one day after the biggest tennis event of the year, at a time when every media outlet is consumed with the sudden deaths of an enormous pop star and former NFL MVP, this 24-year-old athlete is found dead in the stairwell of his apartment. Crazy story, right? Even crazier: it's true.

In case you missed it, the body of French tennis player Mathieu Moncourt was found the day after Roger Federer and Andy Roddick's legendarily lengthy Wimbledon final. The initial report was that Montcourt suffered a cardiac arrest -- which sure seems like a strange fate to befall a 24-year-old professional athlete.

Is it a coincidence? Perhaps. But what if it's not? Betting scandals have marred tennis over the last few years, and who's to say Montcourt didn't get caught running with the wrong people. Either way, this is a wild story that's being buried by the deaths of some higher profile celebs, and I can only hope -- for better or worse -- that someone leaves Michael alone long enough to get to the bottom of it.

2. Nickelbatter Up

A job I've always been intrigued by is that of a "Music Supervisor" for movies. From what I can tell, all this person has to do is have a vast knowledge of music, and the desire to watch movies months before they come out in order to figure out which songs would fit perfectly in each scene. If they offered this as a major in college, I'd consider quitting my two jobs and heading back to school to get in on the action.

Similarly, if any athletes out there need help choosing their own theme music, consider my services available. Last Friday I was at Fenway Park and some of the pre at-bat selections were truly perplexing. For instance, I can understand why someone would want to step up to the plate to the music of Pearl Jam, but Jason Bay chose to get pumped up for his at-bat by blasting Alive, a song that not only isn't that intimidating sonically, but also happens to be about a Mom telling her kid that his Dad is dead. Batter up!

For every fitting choice like the pint sized Dustin Pedroia swaggering up to the plate to Dre Day, or Jonathan Papelbon rushing out to the Dropkick Murphys, there's still a reliance on mediocre tunes by the Nickelbacks and Seethers of this world. Jocks, it's time to branch out -- and I'm just the man to help. You concentrate on your batting eye, and I'll concentrate on your iTunes.

3. Ronny, Ronny, Ronny, You're My Singa!

Speaking of athletes and music, this past week one of the strangest songs ever appeared on the Internet. Ron Artest's eerie, profanity-laced tribute to Michael Jackson. Forget for a minute that it features an NBA small forward doing his best to sing, or that it's a tribute to a guy he's never met ("You used to show me love. I know you didn't know me, but you showed me love."), and instead focus on the fact that the truly bonkers Artest, who just signed a five-year, "about" $33 million deal with the Lakers, uses the song to happily foreshadow his impending death.

"I know you're in heaven, I hope to see you next year," sings Artest. Huh? If you were the Lakers, how would you be dealing with this? I don't get the feeling that the recently dispatched Trevor Ariza is hoping to spend 2010 trying to die. Instead, the recent World Champs signed a guy responsible for one of the biggest fights in sports history, who'll now be wearing number 37 in honor of the amount of time Thriller spent at the top of the charts. At least when he's not busy hoping to die. Wow. Not even the Clippers would do something this dumb.

4. Rise of the Film Critics

If you're a fan of a) giant robots beating the crap out of each other, b) masturbating or c) all of the above, then Transformers: Rise of the Fallen is probably right up your alley. But there are definitely more than two reasons to be excited about this film that's cleaning up at the box office. And the best part? You don't even have to see it to take part in the action.

I'm referring, of course, to the reviews for this film. Yeah, big summer movies don't often fly with the snooty film critics of America, but Transformers 2 has really raised the bar for vitriolic hatering:

What did you think of the second 'Transformers' movie? Never even saw it As bad as they say Megan Fox is hot Loved the action Loved the movie

"Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan."

-- The Guardian

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together."

-- Roger Ebert

"I have to salute [director Michael] Bay for helping to create two of the most offensive bots in screen history -- Skids [Tom Kenny] and Mudflap [Reno Wilson], Chevy concept cars who do black stereotypes in ways that would shame Jar Jar Binks ... I know there are still 17 months to go, but I'm thinking Transformers 2 has a shot at the title Worst Movie of the Decade.

-- Rolling Stone

See, bad summer movie reviews are a great way to stay entertained. They're free, funny, and best of all -- G.I Joe hasn't even come out yet!

5. All-Stars, all the Time

The other day I had ESPN on the TV with the sound off, and a graphic superimposed upon the talking heads of Baseball Tonight asked, "Should the best players go to the All-Star Game?"

This question can be answered in a number of ways, including; laughter, eye rolling, mocking, farting in disbelief, and finally, changing the channel. As a baseball fan, I'll watch the game regardless of who plays. If fans voted for Dustin Pedroia to start over the more deserving Aaron Hill, I'll somehow find a way to enjoy myself. It's called the All-STAR Game for a reason! If it were the best player game, it would be called the Best Player Game, and voting would be done by computers and not drunken fans looking for a fun way to spend a rain delay.

So what if Hill has over six times as many home runs as Pedroia. He's not 5-feet-4, which is what makes Pedroia so appealing in the first place. The All-Star Game is an exhibition, and everybody in the game is there because somebody somewhere wanted them to be. And if somebody having a great season misses out? So be it. It's not like anyone ever remembers who played in the game anyway.