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NFL analysts, Fantasy players and bettors spend so much time telling you who the elite teams in the NFL are, they always forget the other side of the equation.
For every Fantasy running back who wins you a week by himself, there is poor-tackling secondary that allowed him to bust off a few huge touchdown runs.
For every huge favorite that covered a 19½-point spread, there is an inept underdog that can't score a late touchdown against a second-string defense.
The truth is, while great teams fluctuate from week to week, the awful teams are the dependable ones.
Our obsession for finding the best has led us astray from the real pigskin truths: An awful quarterback is more likely to lose on the road than a good one is to win at home. You always want to be on the right side of a legendary NFL coach, but wouldn't you rather be on the opposite side of an amazingly incompetent one?
In that vein, Sonny's Side has put together a formula for tabulating the Bottom 8 in NFL futility as you line up your Week 1 fun.
Lack of Power Calculator
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Gaping Hole: Teams can get away with being mediocre at a few key positions, but in the age of digital game films, a team with a glaring need will be exploited Sunday after Sunday.
Awful Adjustments: Bad teams make one of two mistakes. They make broad, sweeping changes that make it impossible to improve or they stubbornly do nothing and wait for it to get better. Neither works.
QB IQ: There are a few unheralded quarterbacks (think Jon Kitna) that never get their due for making awful teams mediocre. This is harder than making a good team great.
Crappy Coaching: A staff that knows a team's limitations and plays to its strengths is worth four to five wins per year. One that doesn't, and spends the year banging its head against the wall, has the opposite effect.
Precedent for Putridness: As Newton said, an object that sucks tends to continue to suck. Or something like that.
No. 25: Jacksonville Jaguars (38 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (10): Attitude. Did the '08 version quit?
Awful Adjustments (12): The traditionally stout defense made no upgrades and the Jones-Drew and Taylor one-two punch was downgraded to a one-punch.
QB IQ (3): One of the league's most underrated quarterbacks needs to hoist the team on his shoulders.
Crappy Coaching (8): American Dad, Jack Del Rio, seems better than his one playoff win in six years, doesn‘t he? After a flop last year, this might be his last dance.
Precedent for Putridness (5): The Jags have always been a hard team to peg, but featuring a small back is risky business.
No. 26: St. Louis Rams (40 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (12): With Donnie Avery leading a group of inexperienced receivers, these are the artists formerly known as The Greatest Show on Turf.
Awful Adjustments (5): The Rams made good moves by building from the inside out rather than picking up star power in the free agency or draft. Their only true star, Steven Jackson, will benefit.
QB IQ (10): The question still remains as to whether Mark Bulger's ups and downs were his own or the supporting casts'.
Crappy Coaching (5): After a season when the coach wore the "interim" tag for much of it, bringing in Steve Spagnuolo seems to be applauded everywhere.
Precedent for Putridness (8): Transitional year in a really weak division just feels like seven or eight wins.
No. 27 Buffalo Bills (50 ineptitude points)
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Gaping Hole (5): An offense that never can seem to get out of its own way because of no push from the offensive line.
Awful Adjustments (5): They only needed an offensive spark and made a good call by adding T.O.
QB IQ (12): The 2-8 end-of-the-season slide was largely the fault of their signal caller. It's do or die for Trent Edwards.
Crappy Coaching (18): When your fired offensive coordinator says he was fired because his offense wasn't simple enough for the head coach, you might have some issues.
Precedent for Putridness (10): The Bills curse is good talent with average results. This year, a tough division will be their biggest obstacle.
No. 28 Kansas City Chiefs (55 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (20): Another fact that illustrates how little bad teams get analyzed: The Chiefs had an NFL-record low 10 sacks last year? The previous low were the 1982 Baltimore Colts -- in a nine-game strike-shortened season. That's amazing.
Awful Adjustments (10): Adding some veteran linebackers was a decent first step, but spending a truckload of money on a guy who has played one NFL/college season is too big of a dice roll.
QB IQ (10): Matt Cassel might be the best quarterback on this bad team list, but we have no idea, do we?
Crappy Coaching (5): Haley and company seem to be plugging the gaps for now and building for the future -- something missing from past regimes.
Precedent for Putridness (10): Teams with ridiculously bad defenses like K.C.'s benefit on both sides of the ball from adding some stability. It won't be as bad. But it won't be too good, either.
No. 29 Cleveland Browns (57 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (15): Outside of Braylon Edwards, the Browns have nothing in the way of difference makers on offense. They're lucky Jamal Lewis has been serviceable this long.
Awful Adjustments (12): A change of attitude was needed, but not as bad as an overhaul in personnel -- which didn't really happen.
QB IQ (10): Is there a case where the secret quarterback strategy ever worked? When you've got two, you've got none.
Crappy Coaching (5): Mangenius' no-nonsense approach seems right here. But it made sense with the Jets too, right?
Precedent for Putridness (15): The Mistake by the Lake is full of them since their expansion rebirth. It's hard to forecast sunnier days anytime soon.
No. 30 San Francisco 49ers (62 ineptitude points)
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Gaping Hole (10): Lack of production at quarterback overshadows a mediocre defense.
Awful Adjustments (20): None? The only true upgrade was the choice of Michael Crabtree, who still isn't signed.
QB IQ (15): Alex Smith isn't a late bloomer. He's just not an NFL signal caller. J.T. O'Sullivan wasn't an improvement and neither is Shaun Hill.
Crappy Coaching (12): Pants or no pants, the staff needs to make the transition from motivators to teachers.
Precedent for Putridness (5): Rarely does a proud franchise slip into laughing stock category. The Niners are getting there.
No. 31 Oakland Raiders (67 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (15): A weak defensive line gives no help to a group of no-name linebackers. Trading for Richard Seymour was a cry for help -- and he is in no rush to be there.
Awful Adjustments (5): Good offseason. Put a good fullback in front of your stud running back and add some speed on the outside.
QB IQ (15): JaMarcus Russell is an inaccurate passer without a No. 1 receiver.
Crappy Coaching (20): When you're not willing to pay for an NFL-caliber coach, you don't get one. Excuse me while I duck.
Precedent for Putridness (12): Despite a fairly recent trip to the Super Bowl, the Raiders are quickly building up their whatever-can-go-wrong-will resume.
No. 32 Detroit Lions (68 ineptitude points)
Gaping Hole (20): When the bucket has dozens of holes in it, which do you plug first? Start with the defense that surrendered 32 points per game.
Awful Adjustments (3): The best offseason by a horrible team. They added veteran leadership on defense, offensive weapons and took another crack at a franchise QB.
QB IQ (15): When you lose 16, you hit the reset button. It makes sense to start the rookie, but it will be ugly at times.
Crappy Coaching (10): A team with no defense hires one of the best defensive minds. We'll wait and see to see if Schwartz can right a winless ship.
Precedent for Putridness (20): When you've won 15 games in four years and none in the past 20 months, "culture of losing" is an understatement.
Sonny's Side Bounceback: Are these the worst eight teams in the NFL? Does your team deserve to be on this list?
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