Wiffle Ball should be on television. The responses to my column of a month ago about the official rules of Wiffle Ball have convinced me of this fact. There is absolutely zero reason why not. If darts, poker, the Soap Box Derby, paintball and NFL cheerleader auditions make the television cut, then leaving out Wiffle Ball is an outrage. Who wouldn't watch this?
Imagine grown men getting pegged by other grown men and controversies about whether said pegging actually made contact with the body. How about no umpires? Players will have to resolve everything. On really difficult calls, how about requiring that stand-by of Wiffle democracy, the do-over? There will be arguments about strikes and the delicate dance of whether it is worth the risk to make a long distance throw at a runner rounding third or be safe and try to keep the runners from advancing. Wiffle Ball offers an abundance of drama and is just begging to be televised.
How about the call for pitcher changes? Is there anything more athletically debilitating than getting yanked from a Wiffle game because you've got nothing left? How about the never-ending "was it or wasn't it a strike" debate? Check swings? And who could forget the intense pressure of waiting for a Wiffle hit about a hundred feet in the air to make its warbling descent into your hands? (Especially when there are two outs and everyone has basically scored before you even get the chance to make the catch.)
And this doesn't even take into account the players associated with the game or the ridiculous stats that you could keep. Someone might have a legitimate Wiffle slugging percentage of 14 million. Are you telling me tons of people wouldn't watch this? I'd love to be affiliated with producing Wiffle Ball for television. Someone please make this happen. I only wish I had a television production company ... or any legitimacy whatsoever in the world of sports. I'd work as an announcer for free beer. Here is my pledge to the ClayNation: I'm going to continue to advocate for Wiffle Ball on television and I promise that if it ever happens, I'll be there in some form or fashion for the first game.
Without further ado, here are some of the great e-mails we got about Wiffle Ball. Enjoy.
Jon Fetzner asks: "Clay, I've played baseball, softball and Wiffle Ball all throughout my youth and well into my 40s, but I've never heard the term 'pegging;' as in, 'No pegging in Wiffle Ball.' What is pegging? Thanks."
Jon, pegging is the lifeblood of Wiffle Ball. If pegging were an artery, it would be the aorta. If pegging were a planet, it would be Jupiter. If pegging were a comedian, it would be Sacha Baron Cohen. It is the alpha and the omega. Also, it's when one person throws the ball at the other person in an attempt to get them out. You attempt to peg an opposing player as they run in between bases.
The word "pegging" comes from an old pirate game when pirates would remove their peg legs and attempt to throw them at one another after drinking bottles of rum. Actually, strike that. I have no idea where the word "pegging" comes from.
The Captain, from North Adams, Mass. wrote: "What about using a chair for a strike zone?"
You must absolutely have a chair. Now the real argument is, how big of a chair?
Kurt Nordquist, from Houston: "Outstanding. As a Wiffle Ball player in the '70s, '80s, '90s and '00s, I loved this article. But as any other sport, even Wiffle Ball must have its adjustments made to meet the present day needs of the sport as it becomes more 'corporate' and 'commercial.' Who knew that batting one-handed with a beer in the open hand would become the norm at company functions? It is now. It might not be in the rulebook, but neither was celebrating touchdowns with props or vibrant celebratory dances -- now an NFL mandatory for almost any player (and even corporate CEO's when they hit a ball over 10 feet in Wiffle Ball). Off soapbox. Wiffle Ball rules. Batter up. Where's my beer anyway?"
The CEO took your beer and now you're going to have to pretend you didn't notice this fact. It sucks. Just be glad he's not giving your wife excessively long hugs this time. Also, I've always been partial to calling the 2000's the digits, but then I'm partial to lots of things that no one else is. Like the Japanamation series Robotech.
Michael Phillips, from Aurora, Ill.: "I'm not sure how much faith I can put in this set of rules when they don't even use the term 'ghost runner.'"
