Inevitably, the boyfriend will respond with a line that is something like this: "I guess he's OK ... if you like big dumb guys who don't bathe." If the girlfriend continues her appreciation, eventually the guy will start commenting upon how hot the cheerleaders are. If this happens, get ready for the real dirt to fly. Before long, your friend's predilection for wearing women's underwear is going to be fair game.
46. Guy who "knows" a cheerleader.
No, you really don't. Stop lying. Just because you caught the pom-poms she tossed into the crowd at the end of the season and you now sleep with them every night doesn't mean she knows who you are.
47. Guy who wears shorts to the Super Bowl party because, "It's not that cold outside."
Unless it was 60 degrees or more at kickoff, then it is too cold for shorts. The Super Bowl is in the first week of February. This means that for 95 percent of Super Bowl parties, it was that cold outside.
48. Guy who keeps saying with absolute seriousness, "I always run (insert play here) on third and eight in Madden."
Insist that the team is really missing out at offensive coordinator by not having the ability to take advantage of his video-game offensive pyrotechnics. At half-time, have whatever 10-year-old is in attendance smoke him in Madden.
49. Person who thinks the referees are trying to "give" the game to the other team. Unless the year is 1919 and the sport is baseball, you're an idiot. The refs don't care who wins and that false-start call you're complaining about is not going to decide the game.
50. Guy with a barbwire tattoo.
Even worse than the barbwire tattoo will be the fact that he's wearing a tank-top to the game. There is a 99 percent chance that this guy will flex his biceps without irony and say something like, "Welcome to the gun show," immediately after a big hit in the game.
Despite all this I'll be hanging out with you guys on Super Bowl Sunday. Well, at least those of you who are sober enough to get on a computer. Live from my own Super Bowl Party. Well, eventually live from my own Super Bowl Party. Before that I'll be watching the pre-game shows alone. Like everyone else who is watching the pre-games shows in America.
I promise we'll have hours of fun. I don't like to brag but the rumor is Jim Nantz almost turned down calling the game in Miami to live blog from his wintry home.
