School kids and church choirs are fine picks for scorching weekday games in July. So are amateur performers. As long as none of these folks go much over two minutes, they're good. They time this type of stuff in the press box when reporters have nothing better to do.

But teams have to think big for the first home game of the season. Even though nobody is buying a ticket to the game to hear the Star-Spangled Banner, a legitimate celebrity singing it on the field sends a message. This team is big-time. This team is all about class.

Dodger Stadium wanted a peaceful atmosphere after a spring of listening to Gary Sheffield. Nothing emits peacefulness like Barry Manilow. With a piano. And doves.

Barry Manilow (right) resurfaced from Vegas for his opening day performance at Dodger Stadium.

And fireworks exploding around the doves. Pardon? Maybe Charleton Heston bought season tickets this year.

If that wasn't retro enough, try Luke Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard doing his rendition at Camden Yards. Tom Wopat, as he's known outside of the General Lee, now performs in musicals and has an album out. He once forgot the words to the anthem at Yankee Stadium, but he apparently fared fine Monday.

The Giants, never to be topped by the Dodgers, tried their best. They inked Engelbert Humperdinck for their opener. He did not sing anybody to sleep. Still, I thought I heard somewhere that San Francisco was built on rock n' roll.

Speaking of rock, or pop, teen singers are usually safe choices. Jessica Simpson, Anastacia and Ashley Ballard all lent their voices. No word from Britney Spears this year. Christina Aguilera performed around last year's Pirates opener and nearly froze to death.

Broadway performers without TV show fame are also acceptable. Country singers should be used on Opening Day only in the south, so Kansas City (Mark Wills) broke with tradition.

But for a major-league club, nothing beats tradition, and that goes with Opening Day. St. Louis will trot out Hall of Famer Stan Musial with his harmonica alongside St. Louis Symphony Pops conductor Richard Hayman.

Wayne Messmer is a Wrigley Field tradition. And even better, the Tribune company doesn't have to pay him extra since he's the public address announcer. Thanks, Wayne, for saving the Cubbies enough cash to re-sign Sammy Sosa. Keep those vocal cords warm; it looks like the list of 7th-inning stretch signers is getting low.

Not only has Cleveland native and trained opera singer Rocco Scotti performed at Indians games since 1974, but he has sung the Star Spangled Banner more times live than anyone in U.S. history. People Magazine once rated him one of the best five national anthem singers. When he sings it, his tenor voice resonates through a stadium to the point that little kids plug their ears. He had the honor of performing at the last game of the Indians' 455-game sellout streak. Rocco Scotti can work without a microphone, thank you.

The lesson: Pick your anthem performance carefully for Opening Day, or else you end up with fireworks scaring the bird excrement out of doves while Barry Manilow tries to do his job.

Pick your own punchline

Among the people scheduled to throw out the first pitch at the Marlins game Friday were Rolaids brand manager Rob Cheek and Indy car driver Al Unser Jr., which raises the two questions. First, where was the Rolaids man Wednesday when Brian Hunter was tagging up from second with the game-winning run to fry the Fish? Second, did Little Al bring his pit crew to restart the stalled Marlins offense?

As a footnote, Hunter's switch into high gear for that run earned him a stint on the DL with a strained hammy.

Political perks

Exactly what took the Phillies so long to retire Jim Bunning's number?

The problem is that two other great players have worn No. 14. Del Ennis was the club's best power hitter not named Mike Schmidt, and Pete Rose is the hit king no matter what the commissioner's office says about the Hall of Fame.

Still, Bunning outranked them all for his play in Philly. And 30 years after his retirement, he finally had his honor Friday at the home opener.

"I never thought this would happen," Bunning said. "It's special in that it's the end of a baseball career. What else could you get done? I'm in the Hall of Fame. My number is retired. The next thing to do is die. ..."

Ouch. That ought to bring a ray of sunshine to the Senate budget talks.

Speak softly, but carry a big microphone

Not that serious illness is a laughing matter, but Cubs play-by-play man Chip Caray's rapidly disappearing voice was painful to hear during Thursday's broadcast against the Expos. It brought back memories of the 1992 ALCS, when Jim Kaat's voice grew so hoarse during a nationally televised game at Toronto that Johnny Bench had to fill in from the radio booth in mid-inning.

Give credit to Caray for his toughness, though. His froggy tones lasted the whole contest as well as the postgame show before pulling himself out of the lineup for Friday's game at Philadelphia. No one may have appreciated Kevin Tapani's quick pitching masterpiece more than Caray, whose voice still rose when the Cubs took the lead.

It was nothing out of the ordinary for English-speaking Expos fans, though; they haven't heard a play-by-play voice for about two years.

Short hops

• Which looks more fake -- the new turf at The Vet in Philly or the real grass on the ground in Cincinnati?
• How did umpires in Philly not catch Kerry Wood disguised as Todd Van Poppel Friday?
• The Expos lowered Michael Barrett down a rope from the rafters as part of their home opener ceremonies. Mike Piazza promptly homered in the top of the first, which suggests the Expos should leave an outfielder up there instead.