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If a coach says in a press conference "the millennials today," what follows will always be hilarious. Stephen F. Austin coach Kyle Keller didn't buck the trend, saying that his players weren't prepared for Texas Tech because they're always on their dadgum phones and their newfangled screens.
"…the millennials today, they don't even watch college basketball,'' Keller, 50, said after a 70-60 loss to Texas Tech in the first round of the tournament, via USA Today. "A lot of our guys didn't even know who those cats (TTU players) were because they don't watch the game. They're on their phone and doing that kind of stuff.
"I hate to say it, but as much as you or I or anybody in here watches the games, they don't. Or the NBA. They might watch the slam-dunk contest in February on TNT or whatever, but that's about the extent of it."
Keller has the hip lingo of millennials down, calling Texas Tech's guys "cats." However, Keller will bravely soldier through and try to reach out to the kids.
"If I don't read it and study it and learn and try to figure these kids out, I have no chance to coach," he said, per USA Today. "Because the way I was taught as a child was, 'Hey, you are going to eat what is on your plate, if not, you're going to sit here.' I had to sit at the kitchen table one Saturday afternoon because I didn't want to eat green beans or salmon patties.
"So we have a lot of green beans on our team meals, and I tell that story to our guys. But you have to adjust. You'd better learn to give and some take with these kids, I think.''
Keller also presumably mimics an airplane while feeding his players their veggies and shows tape on Magnascope film (there wasn't a slam dunk contest in 1926!).
Millennials were born between the early 1980s and the early 2000s, though when their reign of terror actually started is up for debate.
Perhaps that's why Keenan Evans dropped a 23-5-6 line on Stephen F. Austin. They literally didn't know who he was before Thursday. It's not like it's on the coach if his players aren't prepared. One of Keller's greatest hits came when he showed his players tape of teams celebrating beating SFA. Maybe he should have been showing them upcoming opponents instead.
So to recap, millennials are now killing jewelry, housing, fast food, chains and college basketball. How do businesses survive?
If you're a millennial and just cannot seem to get your nose out of your phone, you can anger Keller while doing what he wants his players to do. You can stream CBS and Turner through the March Madness App or follow games with the CBS Sports app. Bonus points if you show it to Keller and blow his mind that we can do both these days.