Here are the five weirdest things from Herm Edwards' introduction at Arizona State

The pitchforks surrounding Herm Edwards as he stood at the Arizona State podium have immediately begun to feel like a metaphor. Edwards was officially introduced as ASU's new coach on Monday, and it was everywhere from funny to absurd to incredibly uncomfortable.

Arizona State fired Todd Graham after the 2017 season, $12 million buyout and all. It then released the most ambiguous, convoluted plan since Ocean's 13, detailing how it was going to follow a more NFL front office-like structure. Here's the operative excerpt of the plan.

The department's New Leadership Model will be similar to an NFL approach using a general manager structure. It's a collaborative approach to managing the ASU football program that includes sport and administrative divisions, which will operate as distinct, but collective units focused on elevating all aspects of Sun Devil Football. This structure will allow the department to form a multi-layered method to the talent evaluation and recruiting processes, increase its emphasis on both student-athlete and coach development and retention, and provide a boost in resource allocation and generation.  

OK, so that's pretty confusing, but surely introducing Edwards will begin to shed some light on what the actual plan is right? Rhetorical question. No. The press conference was a theater of the absurd where in his introduction, his agent Pete de Picciotto said that "I have no doubt he will put a lot of points on the scoreboard of life." Which is good, on a macro level, but Arizona State fans might have wanted to hear he's going to put a lot of points on the scoreboard of football, too.

The last time someone said something like this, Butch Jones declared Tennessee the Champions of Life. "That did not go well," is what someone would say if the situation in Tennessee was 1,000 times better than it currently is. In reality, it went more akin to calling the Titanic unsinkable.

That was right around the most sane thing de Picciotto said. I'm glossing over the fact that it isn't normal for a coach's agent to introduce him, because that's how bizarre this whole thing was, by the way. De Picciotto also pointed to some feel-good success stories from Edwards' past college coaching experience.

That should work when it isn't between two of the best high school prospects in the country. If only more coaches figured out that the key to 40 points per game is telling one guy to throw it to another guy, then telling the other guy to catch it. Also, "that's kind of football" is a pretty good microcosm of everything happening at ASU right now.

But, even though he seems intense, Edwards just wants everyone to chill, man. You won't see any hurry-up offenses out of Arizona State this year. They just need to slow down.

Edwards also got extremely worked up about the Rivals site name The Devil's Digest as a Christian man (friendly reminder: He coaches a team called the Sun Devils), so someone may want to sit him down and explain to him where he is.

Now, frankly, Arizona State presumably knew what it was getting into here. Herm Edwards isn't exactly known for his rational, not-at-all-weird demeanor. He's at Arizona State to win. He's playing to win the game, some might even say.

Everyone that thought the hire was weird on Sunday should feel pretty vindicated right now. However, one thing is for sure: It's going to be a real interesting season out of ASU. Edwards will make sure of that.

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