National Columnist

Hate Mail: Apparently, there's no way to avoid getting ripped


I called Jim Boeheim the Coach of the Year and got ripped. I urged Joe Paterno fans to ignore anyone who tells them how to remember their hero, and got ripped. I wrote a touching story (shaddup) on the 49ers punt returner who blew the NFC title game by fumbling in the fourth quarter and overtime -- and got ripped!

What's wrong with you people?

And how about this first guy? Let's start Hate Mail with him. Probably scored 430 on his SAT ...

From: Bill

I quit reading your material. Just wanted to stop by and say that I hate your work.

Thanks for the click, sucker.

From: Rick Mows

You win as a team and you lose as a team. I bet you never even played a sport (1987 ... and '88). If you have any, I would like to find out how your friends felt about you throwing 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams under the bus.

You read that story and concluded I was "throwing Kyle Williams under the bus"? Really? Sir, with all due respect, you're not bright.

From: Gary

Not sure who to ask, but I thought you may know or could get an answer: What if that Kyle Williams muffed punt had happened on the 49ers' first possession, and the Giants recover and kick a field goal. Would the 49ers get a chance to answer under the new OT playoff rules? In other words, is a muffed punt considered possession?

Great question, and nobody here knows. OK, that's not true. Maybe someone here knows, but I'm too lazy to ask. I suggest you contact referee Ed Hochuli -- but only if you have a lot of time. That's a guy who likes the sound of his voice.

From: Chris

Writers on Twitter were killing Ed Hochuli for his explanations. Why? I kind of like him doing that.

Hochuli is the guy with the microphone who doesn't know when to shut up. Every wedding reception has one. The 1980s station on SiriusXM radio? It has one. Hochuli is the NFL's Mark Goodman. He talks when he has to, because that's his job ... and then he keeps talking, because that's his ego.

From: Lawson Lambert

You are a sad, sad man.

Your name is an anagram for "abnormal welts." Might want to have that looked at.

From: Jim

Speaking of people who shouldn't have jobs ... I put you at the top of the list.

Damn right. It doesn't matter what the list is -- if I'm on it, I'm at the top. Or second, at worst.

From: Bob

Your call to have Jim Boeheim fired was wrong and I find your journalism boring.

We can debate your first point all day long, but your second point? That's just silly.

From: R.K. Carter

I am an older Texas Tech-ex who hates Craig James for what he did to Mike Leach and our program. I don't do Facebook, but I would like to sign up to contribute to anything that is anti-Craig James. Can you tell me how?

Sure. Send a check to CBS. Make it out to "Gregg Doyel." He'll know what to do with it, promise.

From: Samuel Johnson

I read your little article. I think you're an IDIOT!!! If Peyton Manning doesn't play next year, the best man for the job is not Andrew Luck. Luck is not that good -- I've watched him on more than one occasion on television. When is Graham Harrell of Texas Tech going to get his chance? He still holds Texas high school records, and he was running the spread before you even knew what it was. Matt Stafford isn't that good, either. Did he dominate at Georgia? No!

Where to begin ... On a per-keystroke basis, that was about as much stupid as I've ever seen in one email. Instead of mocking every word you wrote, I'll just say this: I wrote on Graham Harrell in 2009.

From: Matt

Seriously, what's up with Parrish's skin?

A lot of this.

From: Jon

Thanks for the most pointless story on JoePa I've ever read. I could have went on Wikipedia and gotten the exact same information. You are my least favorite columnist.

If I was your least favorite columnist, you wouldn't have read my story. Dummy.

From: Jim Finn

Yeah, let us commoners decide what we want to think about Paterno. You realize without media control, there is chaos. Is that really what you want?

I thought for a day I would let you commoners think for yourself. Not to worry, though. I'll make you my puppet tomorrow.

From: Agnes Smith

I'm not smart enough to think for myself. It is YOUR job as a professional columnist to tell me what to think. Your Paterno article is yet another example of your failings as a sportswriter. Your good looks can't save you.

My good looks? Do you have any idea how worthless your email is without a picture of yourself?

From: Frank D.

Sometimes you can be a real ass-clown, but the article on Paterno was brilliant. That's what separates you from other writers. You can actually write.

"An ass-clown who can actually write." Well, Paterno has his legacy -- and I have mine.

From: Richard Helm

And your legacy will be ... Hate Mail?

Dammit, I hope so. It beats "an ass-clown who can really write."

From: Jeff Stirnaman

I think Hate Mail represents the pinnacle of the evolution of the Internet.

"The pinnacle of the evolution of the Internet." Not bad, as far as legacies go.

Gregg Doyel is a columnist for He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.

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