Because the New York Yankees are super important and the last bastion of mid-century notions of propriety, they do not allow the grown adults in their employ to wear beards. This?

Apparently permissible and possibly even tacitly encouraged. Beards, though, are a hairy bridge too far. 

That long-standing policy brings us to the free agency of lefty Dallas Keuchel. Across parts of seven seasons with the Astros, Keuchel's put up a 108 ERA+ with a K/BB ratio of 2.76. Along the way, he won a Cy Young award and made a pair of All-Star appearances. No, Keuchel doesn't impress the radar gun, but he gets ground balls at a high rate and is perhaps the best fielding pitcher in the game today. He's also topped 200 innings in a season on three occasions. 

The Yankees, meantime, need starting pitching, and they're willing to find upgrades via trades and free agency. While Keuchel-to-Yankees rumors aren't necessarily in abundance, it's a theoretical fit. What is in abundance, however, is Keuchel's log flume of a beard, which makes it less than a theoretical fit. 

But wait! Per this story at Fox Business, Keuchel is willing to murder his whiskers in exchange for precious Yankee lucre. The goods ... 

"For the right opportunity, I would happily shave this beard off,"Keuchel told Fox Business' Stuart Varney on Friday.

Keuchel, who turns 31 on Jan. 1, also notes that he enjoys New York City and pitching in Yankee Stadium. However, before you assume any single-mindedness on his part, know that he also says, "I think everybody is in play right now."

If you're partial to idea of Keuchel in pinstripes, then console yourself with the knowledge that his beard will not render such a a pairing impossible. We've already lived through the foundation-rattling sight of beardless Andrew Cashner, so perhaps we'll be able to abide this, as well.