The Bobblehead Project: Randall Simon vs. Racing Sausage
Almost exactly 10 years ago, Randall Simon of the Pirates assaulted one of Milwaukee's Racing Sausages. Let us now commemorate that moment.
It was also almost 10 years ago to the day. The principals were Randall Simon of the Pirates and the Racing Italian Sausage of Milwaukee, Wisc., USA. The scene of the crime was the Miller Park visitor's dugout ...
As harrowingly implied above, yes, Mr. Simon did indeed konk the encased meat in question on the head, which caused a two-sausage pile-up and pretty clearly altered the outcome of that particular race. Here's the local news dispatch from the time, delivered in appropriately solemn tones ...
As this Pittsburgh Post-Gazette piece from two days after the merciless assault points out, Mr. Simon was actually arrested and charged with battery. He wound up being fined $432.
Simon, it should be noted, was fully apologetic in the aftermath and even reached out to the "victim," 19-year-old Mandy Block. That above-linked Post-Gazette piece also has some fairly championship quotes regarding L'Affaire Beaten Sausage. For darn instance ...
- "We've all probably done some things with mascots at one time in our careers." -Brewers outfielder Geoff Jenkins.
- "It just seems ridiculous -- it's like a big sausage getting hit by a bat causes all this controversy. It just seems kind of funny to me." -- Ms. Block, the victim, who requested that Mr. Simon autograph the bat he used to "assault" her.
- "[The incident was] one of the most despicable things I've seen in a ballpark in a long time. This is in no way a reflection on the Pirates. It's an insane act of a person whose conduct is unjustifiable. It sickened me to see it." -- Brewers executive VP for business operations Rick Schlesinger, who was apparently in need of some perspective.
- "I didn't see what happened. I looked and saw the weenies in a wad over there." -- Brewers manager Ned Yost.
- "And they've passed the Pirate dugout safely!" -- Brewers PA announcer Robb Edwards, calling the Sausage Race the day after Simon's smite.
As always, big thanks to our artist, Jarod Valentin, for his continued amazing work on the Bobblehead Project.
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