Red Sox DH/warrior-poet David Ortiz is of course in the midst of the final season of his big-league career. It is, of course, a very excellent season, especially as swan songs go. As is so often the case with all-time greats, Ortiz has been feted during his final game at various ballparks and given team and civic mementos that will possibly wind up in an attic -- that kind of thing.
All of that plus preexisting hostilities brings to mind what might possibly await Mr. Ortiz when he makes his likely final visit to Yankee Stadium on Sept. 29. Ortiz has previously said he'd like to be given a standing ovation in the Bronx, but even in these softer times that seems unlikely. Regarding an alternative tribute, we now call attention to the world-championship domain name and web site, MoonBigPapi.com. Let's let said web site explain for your this rousing grassroots movement ...
Fifty thousand moons.
Yes, moons! We're not talking about celestial bodies. We're talking about the idiotic, immature, sophomoric and utterly crude display of hostility that is commonly known as "mooning." It requires two physical movements.
1. A fan turns his/her posterior to the person or thing being mooned.
2. He/she drops trow for five to ten seconds, signifying the span of time it takes Big Papi to run to first base.
Fifty thousand full moons.
Imagine David Ortiz's great surprise as his Yankee Stadium tribute abruptly turns into an avalanche of red-cheeked butts. (In a perfect world, each bun would have a hypodermic needle poking from it, commemorating Papi's rise to greatness.) Imagine the moment, caught for posterity - or "posterior-ity" - the greatest mass mooning since - well - Moonies!
All we need is your fanny and five seconds.
Obviously, a late September affair between the Yankees and Red Sox, both presently contending, is sure to be a well-attended affair. Throw in the Ortiz factor, and enthusiasm shall surely abound. Will said enthusiasm be enough to yield 50,000 moons? Surely not, especially with a consequential number of Red Sox rooters in attendance. Still, moons numbers in the thousands would be a great source of uplift for all who should bear witness.
So, yes, in point of fact we are ready for this jelly.