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Tony La Russa, whose raven tresses have been known to both stop and start world wars, uses hairspray. He'll tell you so himself ...

(Image: Pitchers & Poets)

They call it Consort because the bountiful application of it allows a gentleman to "consort" with whomever he pleases and to whatever end he pleases. Consort is the Aqua Net of those inclined toward steely glares and arm-wrestling on cruise ships.

Tony La Russa uses it because it is the only holding product that can keep his hair from rising from his scalp, taking Angie Dickinson out for a steak dinner and then filing the necessary paperwork to run for president.

Consort is not Suavecito, but that is for a reason.

In conclusion ...