The NFL's abrasive push towards pretending things are actually normal continued Thursday with the release of the 2020 season schedule for all 32 teams. Fans can now meticulously analyze every week's matchup to determine how their favorite team will pull off 11, maybe 12 wins this season--provided their eyes aren't already on Trevor Lawrence in 2021.
As is tradition lately, the social media teams of most NFL teams decided to not just host a live stream where they themselves analyzed the schedule, but also found a creative video to present every game of the regular season. Here are all the teams that dropped schedules.
The defending AFC North champions went with a gameshow theme as a nod to offensive coordinator Doc "Wink" Martindale, who's nicknamed after the longtime host of shows like Tic-Tac-Dough, Gambit, High Rollers, and Debt.
The Steelers went a bit more serious, showing team highlights from the last time Pittsburgh faced off against every team on their 2020 schedule.
The Browns do not have a video showcasing their schedule, but instead have fallen back on a generic hype video from a season where they fell quite short of expectations.
After kicking things off with a Rick Roll like it's 2011 again, the Bengals lean hard on the image of No. 1 overall pick Joe Burrow smoking a cigar. The schedule is revealed through individual cigars getting labeled with the corresponding opponents of each week -- including one that just says "Bye."
The Packers use a stop-motion video to reveal their schedule, with some sort of icon to represent each opponent. The food ones will almost certainly make you hungry.
The Vikings base their video on a call between a team executive and a league executive revealing the schedule.
This video was produced by music video director Cole Bennett, and uses the beat from "WHATS POPPIN" by Jack Harlow, which Bennett also directed the video for. No clue where the creepy art design comes from.
The Lions ran with a Planet Earth-inspired idea and decided to stretch out their schedule reveal over eight minutes.
To way-too-serious Patriots did not put out a video for their schedule release. The brand commitment is strong.
This will be the first of a few teams that decided to use medical workers as props for their schedule release video.
The Jets went with a video that was more explicitly sponsored than the other teams who released videos. Drawn images were used to represent the essence of their opponent, or highlights from previous matchups.
Sympathetic to what their fans likely did during halftime of their games, the Dolphins went with a channel-flipping theme that included a TV or movie clip associated with each opponent.
The Eagles took the channel-flipping idea and modernized it by having their mascot switch through the clips on his tablet.
This video alternates between Cowboys players thanking frontline workers who are battling the coronavirus and the frontline workers themselves. Of course, Jerry Jones appears first.
There's a mix of former Giants stars, super fans, and professional athletes revealing this schedule, all shot to look like they're passing the same sheet of paper.
Player workout highlights are shown with a different week's matchup on them.
The Texans used adorable drawings from kids of each matchup on their schedule. Not only is it kind of cute, but it also prevents clueless pundits like me from making any snide remarks about the final product.
The Titans have been transformed into a cartoon hero who goes through a spate of 16 trials to reach a mountain top.
Colts players showed how they were social distancing as each one that was featured read off an opponent and the week the team will play said opponent. Someone get Nyheim Hynes a new phone.
The Jaguars used videos of cats doing weird cat stuff. There's not much more to say if you've been on the internet at any time since 2009.
There's no schedule release video from the Saints. Instead, the team put out a video of food being delivered on behalf of the team to frontline workers in the cities of their upcoming opponents -- so Philly cheesesteaks were delivered to hospital workers in Philadelphia on behalf of New Orleans. A very charitable form of trash talk.
The Falcons give their take on the "using some funny clip to represent each opponent" idea and twist it with whatever theme they based their new uniforms on.
The Bucs had players guess what their upcoming schedule was.
This video is shot like it's going through a day in someone's life with hints of Tiger King and TikTok references to boot.
The Full House theme isn't novel, but it still never fails to put a smile on someone's face -- particularly the final clip of John Elway on a scooter.
You know what this video won't do? Get you to internalize the Raiders' new hometown any quicker.
The Chargers are another team that used frontline workers for their schedule release video, kicking things off with a heartfelt message of encouragement of all those who read off opponents and offering to cover $1,000 worth of groceries on behalf of the team.
The first truly creative approach to this reveal comes from the 49ers, who based their video off of the opening to Westworld.
In another frontline workers video, Seahawks players and coaches video call different individuals to thank them for their work and give them season tickets for the upcoming year.
The Rams put theirto good use and used it to reveal their 2020 schedule.
Our 2020 schedule in GIFs: a thread— Arizona Cardinals (@AZCardinals) May 8, 2020
The Cardinals revealed their schedule through gifs.