The Buccaneers finally had their Super Bowl parade on Wednesday and Brady threw his TB12 diet out the window, which probably shouldn't have surprised anyone, because he was throwing a lot of things during the parade, INCLUDING THE LOMBARDI TROPHY.
Brady got so hammered during the parade that there's a 60% chance "Tom Brady Super Bowl parade drunk" is going to enter the national lexicon by the end of next week. I mean, I can promise you right now that after COVID is over, I will be going to a party and getting "Tom Brady Super Bowl parade drunk," which is now how everyone in America should describe anyone who's really hammered, but also having a ton of fun.
That being said, I had to stay sober while writing this newsletter, but I definitely felt mentally drunk by the time I was done writing about the parade. The parade will be one of many things we'll cover in today's newsletter, so let's get to the rundown. As always, don't forget, you can sign up for the newsletter by clicking here, we encourage all sign-ups, even if you're "Tom Brady Super Bowl parade drunk" while signing up.
1. Today's Show: Way-too-early NFL Power Rankings
During the regular season, Pete Prisco is the one who handles the power rankings around here, but since no one can get a hold of him in the offseason, we decided to bring in someone else to handle our way-too-early Power Rankings for 2021 and that someone was Tyler Sullivan.
Sullivan joined Will Brinson for Thursday's podcast and the two of them ranked each team based on how good they're going to be in 2021. The reason these are called "way-too-early" power rankings is because there's a lot that could change between now and when the season starts in September. We still have to go through free agency, the draft and there could even be another blockbuster trade like the one we saw with the Rams and the Lions.
Speaking of the Rams and the Lions, I'm going to unveil Sullivan's top-five and bottom-five teams here, and um, one of those teams was on the good list and one was on the bad list. I'll let you guess which one was which.
Due to the disrespect that he showed the Bengals in his rankings, I had to unfollow Sullivan on Twitter. No hard feelings, Sully. If you want a total breakdown of Sullivan's rankings -- and trust me, you do -- you can listen to the entire episode of the podcast.
2. Florida men get drunk at parade
If you've ever gone day-drinking on a boat, then you probably already knew that things were going to get crazy when the Buccaneers decided to hold a BOAT parade to celebrate their Super Bowl win and let me just say, they did not let us down.
For the first six Super Bowl parades of his career, it was so cold that Tom Brady had to dress up like he was on a vacation to the North Pole. For parade No. 7, Brady got to go full Florida man.
Here are the highlights from Tampa Bay's celebration:
- Brady started things off by pulling the ultimate power move and, in this case, that means showing up for the parade in a $2 million boat complete with a police escort.
- At some point during the parade, Brady decided it would be a good idea to try and THROW the Lombardi Trophy to another boat, so that's exactly what he did and, let me just say, he should get another MVP award just for successfully making the throw. If you haven't seen the throw or just want to watch it again, I've tracked down multiple angles for you. Click here for the side view of the throw. Click here to get the view from the boat that Brady threw it to. And finally, click here if you want to see Brady's point of view on the throw.
- After a couple of hours on the water, Brady entered the "Weekend at Bernie's" portion of his celebration, where he needed a few friends to prop him up so it looked like he was still somewhat functional. Here's a wobbly Brady walking back to land after the celebration was over. Brady also made a joke about avocado tequila on Twitter that may or may not have been a joke, because the way he was walking, I wouldn't be surprised if he took 9 or 10 shots of something with avocados in it.
- Brady wasn't the only hammered person in the parade. Buccaneers coach Bruce Arians was literally drinking during his speech and like most people, a few cuss words slipped out once he got a little inebriated. If you want to see Arians cuss a few times, be sure to click here.
- Not to be outdone by Arians, Buccaneers general manager Jason Licht was dropping F-bombs during his speech, which I guess shouldn't be that surprising since I'm pretty sure he showed up to the parade with a case of beer all for himself. If you want to hear Licht's VERY NSFW speech, be sure to click here.
- You know Tom Brady had a crazy day when he overshadowed the ultimate party guy, Rob Gronkowski. Well, let me assure you that Gronk was at the parade, Gronk was drinking and Gronk had no shirt.
- Also, I should probably note that Buccaneers players showed up to the parade with a T-shirt that featured Brady's famous shirtless photo from the 2000 NFL combine. Solid selection of wardrobe by those guys.
- In what might be my favorite part of the Buccaneers' Super Bowl celebration, Devin White brought his horse to Raymond James Stadium and did a victory lap with the Lombardi Trophy and you can check that out by clicking here.
If you want to read more about the parade, be sure to click here.
3. Ranking Russell Wilson landing spots
I think we've covered the Russell Wilson situation every single day this week and that's because there's SOMETHING NEW to mention every day. The new development over the past 24 hours is that the Seahawks are not happy about the fact that Russell Wilson has been publicly airing his grievances.
If the two sides are at odds, it's not too crazy to think that a trade might actually happen this offseason. With that in mind, Cody Benjamin came up with 13 potential landing spots for Wilson.
If the Seahawks were to actually pull off a trade, I would have to think that they'd want Wilson out of the NFC, which is why I love that Cody has the Dolphins at the top of his list. They have a ton draft capital and could potentially give up three or four first-round picks for Wilson if that's what it took. It's also worth noting that Wilson has a no-trade clause, which means he could veto any potential deal (Sorry Eagles fans, but I don't think Wilson wants to play in Philadelphia due to the current state of your franchise).
For Cody's full explanation on why each of the team's would be a good fit, be sure to click here.
4. Raiders might make some headlines this offseason
Whoever is anonymously leaking rumors about the Raiders has been busy this offseason, because I swear that I've been reading something new about them every day.
We're less than a week into the offseason and already, we've seen at least four huge reports about the team, so let's take a look.
- The Raiders might be interested in trading Derek Carr. Apparently, Carr's name has been a hot one on the trade market this offseason, but all the talk has been one-sided. Basically, teams are calling to see if Carr is available, but so far, the Raiders have been shooting everyone down. For more details on this story, be sure to click here.
- If they don't trade Carr, they could deal Marcus Mariota. The former Titans quarterback only started one game last season, but he put up some impressive numbers. If a team wants to trade for a starter, but doesn't want to pay a huge price, Mariota would be a good fallback option and that's probably why the Raiders have been getting calls about him.
- The Raiders are interested in JuJu Smith-Schuster. With Smith-Schuster set to be a free agent this offseason, he could end up anywhere, but if the Raiders have it their way, he's going to end up in Las Vegas. NFL reporter John Clayton said this week that the Raiders are "very interested" in Smith-Schuster, so don't be surprised if the Steelers receiver ends up heading west this offseason.
- They could be Russell Wilson's top landing spot. Although Cody had the Dolphins as the top landing spot, CBS Sports NFL Insider Jason La Canfora feels like the Raiders would make the most sense. With the team trying to make a splash in Vegas, nothing would make a bigger splash than bringing in one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. The Raiders could also package Carr in any potential deal.
Basically, I think what I'm trying to say here is that the Raiders could be a team to watch this offseason.
5. Five teams that could make a major leap in 2021
When the Buccaneers won the Super Bowl on Sunday, they became just the fifth team in NFL history to go from a losing record in one season to a Super Bowl win the following season. With that in mind, Cody Benjamin put together a list of the top-five teams that could make a huge leap in 2021. This doesn't necessarily mean that they'll win the Super Bowl, but it's five teams that had losing records in 2020 that Cody thinks will be contending for the playoffs in 2021.
Here's the full list:
As the guy who writes the Wednesday newsletter here, Cody is well aware that the two of us always have to be on good terms, which is likely why he included the Bengals on this list. I mean, they should be at the top, but I'll take second. For Cody's full explanation on why each of these team's could make a big jump, be sure to click here.
6. Chiefs assistant Britt Reid out in Kansas City
Chiefs assistant coach Britt Reid, the son of Andy Reid, didn't coach in the Super Bowl after he was involved in a three-car crash in Kansas City just days before the game. According to police, Britt admitted to having two or three drinks on the night of the crash. Police also revealed that a 5-year-old child in one of the other cars suffered life-threatening injuries.
After being placed on leave by the Chiefs earlier this week, it appears he is no longer even associated with the team. According to ESPN.com, Britt Reid's contract expired this week and the Chiefs have decided not to renew it, which means he's no longer a team employee.
After the Chiefs loss in the Super Bowl, Andy Reid opened up his press conference by sending out his well-wishes to the little girl who was injured.
"My heart goes out to all those that were involved in the accident, in particular the family with the little girl who is fighting for her life," Andy Reid said. "Just from a human standpoint, my heart bleeds for everyone involved in that."
The little girl who is fighting for her life is hospitalized and in a coma. A GoFundMe has been set up to help her family and it's already raised more than $450,000.
7. The Kicker: Jerry Jones is just like us
If you've been buying gas station wine during the pandemic, then you have something in common with Jerry Jones. As we all know, gas station wine is the perfect alcohol for multiple reasons: It's convenient, it's cheap and if you drink enough of it, you can't even tell that it tastes bad. The Cowboys owner must be aware of all three of those things, because not only was he at a 7-11 in Texas this week, but he agreed to take a picture with a CHIEFS fan, and the best part is that Jones is holding his wine in the photo.
You can see the amazing picture by clicking here.
When you win the Super Bowl, you get a parade with champagne and avocado tequila. When your team finishes 6-10, you get gas station wine.