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We are back! Do you smell that? That is the stench of unseriousness. Don't let it stick to you. The quarterfinals of the Champions League is here and we are going to rank the teams in order of seriousness.

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Where should I start on this team? They are down right scary. After losing to Manchester United, they have run through teams like the 2012 Jamaican men's Olympic 4 x 100 relay team. They're solid in all phases on the pitch. Ruben Dias is immense. Kevin De Bruyne and İlkay Gündoğan are doing their thing, they barely play with a striker and quiet as kept, Fernandinho is turning back the clock; even at his big age. The problem with City in previous years, they go full unserious in the later rounds and Pep brings out funky tactics. Can this be the year that they get it right?
Bayern Munich are on track to win their ninth Bundesliga title in a row. Yes, nine. They are efficient. While the football may not look good at times, they are still Bayern Munich and they will remind you of it. Joshua Kimmich is one of the best midfielders in the world, Thomas Muller is looking like his old self. However, they do not have the great equalizer in Robert Lewandowski. How will they fair without their star striker?
A win in the league against Arsenal came at the perfect time. Diogo Jota is in form, Mo Salah scored, Trent Alexander Arnold was snubbed by England which should spur him on. The six time champs face a task vs. Real Madrid. Could they avenge their 2018 loss?
Since hiring Mauricio Pochettino, things have been up and down, including going full unserious over the weekend, losing to Lille. They have a host of injuries which includes Marco Verratti who is out after contracting COVID-19. They should be lower in the rankings but they do have equalizers in Kylian Mbappe and Neymar. PSG like City are another team who have not got over the hump, could this be the year that they do what they have tried for almost a decade and win the Champions League?
Kings of the Champions League they may be, but they've had a strange season. While they have not been at their best they are still churning out wins. It helps that Karim Benzema is scoring, while Luka Modric and Toni Kroos are turning back the clock. However they are missing their captain Sergio Ramos and here is a stat for you: Real Madrid in The Champions League knockouts since 2015 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 Sergio Ramos, 16 wins. 0 losses. 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 Sergio Ramos: 0 wins. 2 losses.
Losing to West Brom 5-2 at home is very unserious behavior and they are rewarded with their place towards the top of the unserious rankings. It seems there will be no N'Golo Kante and no Christian Pulisic for the first leg vs. Porto. On paper it seems routine for Chelsea, right? *Laughs like Sam Allardyce*
They shocked the world beating Juventus so can that momentum carry over? They are in solid form in the league however Mehdi Taremi is suspended, while Ivan Marcano and Sergio Oliveira, who provided heroics vs. Juventus, are both out injured. Can Porto shock the world and upset Chelsea? That is to be seen.
Their form in the Bundesliga is POOR, they are 7th points off of Champions League places and it does not help that one of their sources of creativity Jadon Sancho is out. Dortmund face Man City, and in theory, the tie is already finished. But it is football. It does not help that their star striker Erling Haaland is having a bit of a rough patch while his agent along with his father are shopping him around the world. Can Dortmund help themselves and not go full unserious?