There are a lot of video games with outrageously stupid boss fights. Whether it's Shao Khan and his dumb hammer attacks, Sephiroth and the world's most impossible blade, or General RAAM and his never-ending swarm of kryll, the challenge is what makes things fun. As it turns out, fun has diminishing returns -- as evidenced by Mike Tyson in NES's "Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!" Mike Tyson was absolute nonsense. He made 2D scroller bosses look like Super Metroid.
Where were you the first time you fought Mike Tyson? For some people, this memory might be deeply repressed. The thought has triggered PTSD in better men than me. Obviously Tyson had to be tough. It's Mike Tyson! He's what sold the game! But Nintendo decided to make him the literal worst thing to ever exist. Bear in mind, this game was released when Tyson was at his peak in the 1980s. (Oct. 18, 1987, to be exact, hence why we're writing this story.) He was undefeated, and he looked like he was unbeatable in real life.
And Nintendo went, "OK, so his sprite should be unbeatable, too."
Spoiler alert: He wasn't actually unbeatable, but he might as well have been.
Tyson could stun you with one punch ("Street Fighter" fans look away for your own sanity) and blocking him resulted in stun damage as well. You had to wait for Tyson to miss -- by dodging, which was almost impossible -- and then when he opened himself up you could start to swing back. His trash talk was also weirdly demoralizing. Whether he was calling you a joke and asking for a real challenge or using really strange turns of phrase ("They say I can't lose. I say you can't win."), Tyson was a real jerk.
Then, when you finally beat him, he isn't even that congratulatory!
"Great Fighting!! You were tough, Mac! I've never seen such Finger Speed before."
Thanks, Mike. That's what I just got KO'd 30 times for -- to get called "tough."
It was just one of a long string of Nintendo games that hated its players, which raises the question: Why was "Punch Out!!" so damn fun?
