Every Friday, the Friday Five will rank something in the world of college football -- anything and everything from the logical to the illogical. This week we rank five things coaches should have to pay fines for.
This week Virginia Tech defensive coordinator Bud Foster unintentionally set off a firestorm. Foster told reporters that the Virginia Tech coaching staff was trying to figure out if it could fine players by taking money from their new cost of attendance scholarships. We then learned that Virginia Tech coaches had already been fining players for various infractions, and when the school's athletic director, Whit Babcock, found out, he correctly put an end to the practice.
But it'd be foolish to think that Virginia Tech is the only place where this has happened, and we now know for a fact that it's not the only school that thinks fining unpaid student-athletes would be a good idea, as Cincinnati has jumped on the bandwagon too.
This all got me to thinking. If coaches are so enthused about the idea of fining their players -- who don't get paid, and can't have jobs -- I think it's only fair that we should be able to levy fines against millionaire coaches for doing things we don't want them to do.
So for this week's Friday Five I've come up with five things I'd like to see coaches fined for. I mean, coaches get all sorts of different kinds of bonuses for accomplishing things, they should get fined too. It's only fair.
5. A Bad Team GPA: Plenty of coaches have bonuses in their contracts that go into effect if their team's collective GPA meets a certain standard. But you know what's more motivating than the prospect of earning more money? The chance to lose it. So I say coaches should be fined if their team GPA isn't high enough. I mean, these are student-athletes after all, right? Administrators and coaches are always so quick to point that out.
So I'm thinking that, if your team has a GPA of 3.5 or higher, you don't lose any money. But if your team has a GPA of 2.5? Well that should be a $100,000 fine. Between 3.0 and 3.4, that's only a $50,000 fine, with the fine increasing by another $50,000 for every half-point range down to zero.
4. For Players Getting Arrested: You know the real reason coaches want to be able to fine players money? They'll probably tell you what I've already told you. The desire to not lose money will motivate somebody to do the right thing. But when the coaches tell you that, they won't be being completely honest.
The reason coaches want to fine players is because, if a player commits a minor infraction (say he fails a drug test), it sure is better for the coach to take $100 from the player rather than force him to sit out a game. If a player has to sit out a game or two, that might lead to losses, and no coach wants to lose games. So now they have a way to punish the player, but do so without jeopardizing their own jobs!
Well, I think the best way to help make sure coaches keep players out of trouble is to fine coaches for every possible infraction one of their players commits. The fines will vary based on the offense, but they will be doled out, and they will be paid in a timely fashion, thank you very much.
3. Bad Clock Management: Oh you're damn right these fines are going to apply to in-game decisions as well. Think about it. How many times have you been at home watching a game and found yourself completely baffled by the way the coach of your favorite team manages his timeouts? Like, do you not know you have them, or when to use them? If I can figure it out while watching at home, you would think the guy who is actually paid to run the football team and help devise team strategy would know.
But so often they don't.
I mean, if these fines actually existed, Les Miles might be bankrupt by now.
Obviously the fines would vary by the offense. Burning a timeout early in the first quarter is bad, but it shouldn't be as large a fine as calling a run play at midfield when you're out of timeouts and there are only 35 seconds left in the game.
Whatever fines we figure out, I bet coaches would be a lot smarter about managing the clock in a hurry.
2. For Calling A Goal Line Fade: Man do I hate when coaches do this. It just feels like such a lazy call. I get the idea. If you have a big receiver, you're putting faith in him to win a one-on-one battle with a defender for a jump ball. It seems easy in theory, but in practice, it's very much not.
If you watch enough college football during the season, you'll see this play called a hundred times, and you might see it work 10.
The reason for this is, while the play itself is rather simple, a lot of college quarterbacks really just can't make the throw. Nine times out of 10, when it fails, it's not on the receiver, and it's not because the defender makes a great play, it's because the quarterback messed up the throw.
Now some quarterbacks can, and if you have that quarterback, and the play works more often than not, keep calling it. But if you have a quarterback that's shown time and time again that it's just not a throw he can make, stop calling it.
In order to ensure this happens, for every goal line fade play called that results in an incompletion, a coach shall be fined $25,000.
1. Punting In Your Opponent's Territory: I understand this decision. I do. This is college football, not the NFL. Not every team has a kicker capable of blasting a 55-yard field goal with ease. Because of this coaches are more inclined to fold their hand and punt the ball to play the field position game.
See? I get it. I just find it boring as hell. I'm watching college football to be entertained, after all.
So I would levy fines against coaches who punt the ball inside their opponent's territory rather than just going for it. Now, obviously, there are different situations to account for here. If it's fourth and 15 and your opponent's 42-yard line, go ahead, punt without consequence. That makes sense?
But if it's fourth-and-seven? You better go for it, coach.
So if it's anything less than fourth-and-7 you must go for it if you have the ball between the 50-yard line and your opponent's 40. If you don't, you shall be fined $50,000.
Now, if you have the ball inside your opponents 40-yard line and it's fourth down, you are going for it or attempting the field goal. I don't care how many yards you need to gain. If you punt from the 39-yard line or further, you will be fined $100,000.
If it were possible, we'd have you arrested too, and as we went over earlier, that would be another fine.
