In a rare interview, former NBA player Lamar Odom talked to Ian Drew of Us Weekly about his use of cocaine, the end of his marriage to Khloe Kardashian and how he’s doing now. Sober and working on an autobiography and a documentary series, he said he “cheated death” and is a “walking miracle,” having survived 12 strokes and two heart attacks after being found unconscious at a brothel in Nevada in October 2015. 

From US Weekly:

Take Us back to the start of your marriage. Was Khloé aware of your drug use?

I was hiding it for a while, but then I got frustrated and was like, f--k it. Around two years before we split up [in 2011], I was in the man cave she had made for me and she caught me. She was disappointed. So was I. The sad thing about it is, I don’t know if I was disappointed because I was actually doing the drug or because she caught me. She knew I was doing cocaine the whole time after that. It was my drug of choice. I’m not going to say she accepted it because that would be the wrong word. Tolerated would be a better word.

When did you realize you needed to enter rehab again?

My daughter gave me the ultimatum to go. She said, “Pops, you get help or I won’t talk to you.” I think she saw it in my behavior. Coke is a real psychological drug. You can be getting high and feeling great and then on the way down cursing yourself out. So I think it was one of those moments on the way down. This last time I checked into rehab, I was able to stay the whole 30 days and get the most out of it. I learned about addiction and that it’s a brain disease. The choices we make when our brain is diseased are involuntary. So it was important and life-changing. My kids were really scared that their dad wasn’t going to be here. It was good bonding time with them when they came to see me. They said, “Dad, we want you to be here.” I was honest with them. There is no reason to lie now. But it was good for them to know it is a disease and one I may pass back to them.

Are you clean now?

Of course. Living sober, meaning no drugs, is a great feeling. Being in the moment is important — how you react, respond, create. If I would have done coke last night, you would have gotten some [jerk] here trying to get out of here fast. But you’re getting Lamar now.

There’s more in this (NSFW for language) video:

Also notable: Odom referred to drugs making “the end of my career come along a little faster.” This isn’t exactly breaking news, but there have been rumors of him wanting to play professional basketball again on and off for the past few years. It sounds like, at 37 years old, he knows that is off the table now.