Burn it all. Take all the tape and set it on top of a tire fire. Or just throw it back on the field with the 49ers-Rams game. What a disaster that game on Monday night was. What those two teams did is illegal in at least 35 states and many more countries, just a raunchy, embarrassing, absolutely fundamental-less display of horrible football that will get you called into HR if you try and watch the replay on Tuesday.
Look, football is back. That is the best thing. It is wonderful. But no one should be forced to watch what we saw on Monday night.
San Francisco won 28-0 because someone had to.
There were, at one point, more punts than points. And that was in the second half!
This is just sad: pic.twitter.com/1uK4p3qfVG— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 13, 2016
The 49ers eventually pulled away and turned it into a blowout, setting up some serious questions for the newest football team in Los Angeles.
Finding things to take away from this game is difficult but let's give it the old third-junior-year college try anyway.
1. Seriously, Jared Goff can't be better?
Everyone saw the lackadaisical way Goff handled most things in the preseason. Case Keenum was definitely better than Goff before the bullets started flying. But the Rams are supposed to be the better team here and they just didn't look anything like it. Most notably at the quarterback position, where they just kept running Keenum out there.
Against a questionable 49ers defense, Keenum couldn't muster anything. With the 49ers up 28-0 and the game well out of reach (5:14 left), Keenum was 13-of-27 for 87 yards and a pair of interceptions. That's a robust 3.2 yards per attempt. Which, well, yeah.
We count 10 through 3 quarters https://t.co/cyb8FPfBGN— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) September 13, 2016
The Rams aren't good. That wasn't some "7-9 bulls--t" -- it was a team that looks like 6-10 would be a miraculous coaching job. They're good at running back and on the defensive line, but this is 2016.
Throw Goff out there and see what he can do. No way Keenum gets more than two starts.
2. Poor Todd Gurley
If you went to sleep thinking you needed five points from Gurley to win your fantasy matchup, you're not in luck. He finished with 17carries for 47 yards and a total of four fantasy points.
Credit the 49ers for realizing that, a) the Rams aren't good on offense, b) the Rams would try and feed Gurley and c) loading up the box and sending tons of defenders in Gurley's direction. He had zero room to operate and never saw a run longer than 10 yards.
Gurley will be fine because he's awesome. The Rams can't be the worst-looking team in football forever (maybe).
3. The greatest drive chart ever
LOOK AT IT. GAZE AT IT IN ALL ITS GLORY.
Final updated Rams drive chart. This is not a joke nor a drill:— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) September 13, 2016
TURNOVER ON DOWNS
There is absolutely zero vertical threat to the Rams offense and you can't win that way. They go sideline to sideline and it just doesn't work.
It's really impossible to captivate just how humiliating this game was for the Rams. But not scoring a point since 1994 comes pretty close.
The Los Angeles Rams have still not scored a point since Dec. 24, 1994.— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) September 13, 2016
At least this is nothing new for the Rams ...
No matter where they are, the Rams are bad. pic.twitter.com/k2JOQVLdjp— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) September 13, 2016
4. Chip Kelly is going to be aggressive this year
Burying the lede here, but the 49ers won! They blew out the Rams even. And it's worth noting Kelly wasn't shy about firing off on fourth downs early with the 49ers, letting Blaine Gabbert throw from his own side of the field, not quite in the shadow of his own end zone but far enough back to be kind of "woah, he's letting Gabbert throw on their side of the field."
It didn't work out, but it makes a lot of sense for Kelly to be aggressive with this roster. He's in a dogfight for a win every week of the season and he's gonna need the biggest edge he can get.
Pushing the limit on fourth down should be something you expect to see frequently.
5. We're Going Streaking!
There was a fan who ran on the field, thankfully fully clothed, and he managed to pick up more yards than the Rams did. That might not be a joke.
Fans running on the field are annoying, but this was a welcome distraction to a terrible football game.
If you do one thing tonight/today, you need to listen to Kevin Harlan's call of the streaker. Incredible stuff from one of the best in the business. "He runs to the 30! He runs to the 40! ...
6. The Niners have some nice pieces
It was easy to blast the 49ers as the worst team in football, or potentially the worst team in football, based on their roster coming into the season.
But there's a little more interest on this roster than most of the world gave it.
Carlos Hyde looked awesome running the ball. If he stays healthy (YES, AWARE) he could have a huge year in Chip Kelly's system, a la LeSean McCoy in his first year with the Eagles.
Navorro Bowman is so freaking good and he won't get credit this year because he's in this defense. Eric Reid just keeps on laying wood on people.
Blaine Gabbert can functionally manage this offense in a way that will not cause it to hit an iceberg.
Spike it, Vance!— NFL (@NFL) September 13, 2016
Gabbert finds McDonald to extend the @49ers lead to 21-0! #LAvsSFhttps://t.co/Gw3IA0jUC5