After watching football for 19 straight hours over the weekend, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that Roger Goodell needs to suspend Tom Brady again because he's too good.

I'm not sure you can suspend someone for being "too good," but I also didn't think you could suspend someone for allegedly deflating footballs and Goodell seemed to figure that one out alright, so I think he'll be good here.

Seriously, if Goodell doesn't pull the trigger on another Brady suspension, then the other 31 teams might as well just give up on the rest of the season because Brady looks unstoppable.

I mean, the guy threw for over 400 yards against an NFL team -- a term I use loosely with the Browns -- and then said he didn't even think that he played that well because he's still rusty. Either rusty doesn't mean what Brady thinks it means, or the rest of the NFL is really in trouble.

I'm guessing it's that second one because why else would this guy be wearing a goat costume with Brady's jersey on.

#goat #nashpatsfanclub #GameDay #patriotsnation #Nashville @whiskeyrhythmsaloon

A photo posted by Nashville Patriots Fan Club (@nashpatsfanclub) on


Anyway, the crazy part of Week 5 is that we were all so distracted by Brady's return that no one noticed that Bill Belichick picked up his 227th career regular-season win this past week. If that sounds like a lot of wins, that's because it is.

Belichick is now No. 4 on the NFL's all-time wins list because he just passed the guy who they named Lambeau Field after, Joe Lambeau. I"m just kidding, his name's Curly Lambeau, which is basically the perfect name for anyone born in 1898 like Curly was.

The reason Belichick has been successful for so long is because he rarely makes horrible decisions, you know, like lining up your right-footed kicker as a lefty and completely giving away your fake field goal plans.


By the way, you probably already know this even if you didn't see the play above, but the Ravens' fake didn't work.

Anyway, that's enough glorifying of the Patriots, let's get to the Week 6 picks.

Actually, before we do that, here's your weekly reminder to checkout all the picks from every CBSSports.com NFL writer. If you've been gambling your rent money on my picks and are now no longer able to afford rent, then that probably means you should click over and check out everyone else's pick to maybe earn some of that back. I don't want to see anyone get evicted.

By the way, I only bet on sure things, like that time when I put all my money on the Ravens' fake field goal failing. I will always bet against a fake field goal that involves a right-footed kicker lining up as a lefty, and vice versa.

Alright, that's enough ragging on the Ravens. Let's get to the picks.

NFL Week 6 Picks

Denver (4-1) at San Diego (1-4), 8:25 p.m. ET (CBS/NFL Network/Twitter): If you're wondering what it's like to be a Chargers fan this season, just watch every torture scene in the movie Hostel and you'll have a good idea of what they've been through this year.

If you've lost track of the Chargers' season, let me give you a quick update on how things have gone: In Week 1, they blew a 21-point lead in the second half of a 33-27 loss to the Chiefs. In Week 3, they lost two fumbles in the final 62 seconds of a 26-22 loss to the Colts. In Week 4, they blew a 13-point lead in the final five minutes of a 35-34 loss to the Saints. In Week 5, they botched a field goal snap with two minutes left in a 34-31 loss to the Raiders.

The law of averages says they have to win a close game eventually. On the other hand, Murphy's Law says they're probably going to lose every game like this for the rest of year. I'm really not sure which law to go with here.

If San Diego can't win Thursday, it might never win again.

Not only do the Chargers get to face a banged-up quarterback in Trevor Siemian, but they get to play a team being coached by a SPECIAL TEAMS COORDINATOR. That's right, with Gary Kubiak out for Thursday's game, the Broncos are letting their special teams coordinator serve as interim coach.

If Mike McCoy can't out-coach a special teams coordinator, then he deserves to be fired and I'm guessing that's what's going to happen if the Chargers lose. The good news for McCoy is that I'm going to completely ignore the fact that San Diego has lost 10 straight AFC West games and pick the Chargers.

The pick: Chargers 23-20 over Broncos.

Baltimore (3-2) at NY Giants (2-3), 1 p.m. ET (CBS): If your plan this Sunday is to watch two teams that seem to have no idea what they're doing on offense, then this is the game that you definitely want to watch.

The Ravens have been so bad lately that coach John Harbaugh decided to fire his offensive coordinator Monday. Normally, I think midseason firings are a bad move, but I can't really question Harbaugh in this situation because he has done it before and it kind of worked to perfection. Back in 2012, the Ravens fired their offensive coordinator during the season, and then they went on to win the Super Bowl.

If the same thing happens this year, Harbaugh will probably hire 16 offensive coordinators next season so he can fire one every week. Although I'm joking, that does actually sound like something Jim Harbaugh would do.

Anyway, it's also possible that the Ravens firing happened because John Harbaugh noticed that the Bills went on a roll after firing their offensive coordinator following a Week 2 loss. Since then, Buffalo is 3-0. The NFL's new motto should be, "Fire your offensive coordinator, never lose again!"

Basically, what I think I'm trying to say here is that I can't pick the Giants in this game unless they fire their offensive coordinator this week, and I just don't think that's going to happen before Sunday.

The pick: Ravens 26-23 over Giants.

Kansas City (2-2) at Oakland (4-1), 4:05 p.m. ET (CBS): During Andy Reid's 18 years as an NFL head coach, there are a lot of things he still hasn't figured out, like how to get Alex Smith to throw downfield regularly or any type of late-game clock management. Although Reid hasn't yet mastered those things, there is one thing that he has nearly perfected during his career: Winning a game after a bye.

I'm not sure what Reid does during the bye week, but whatever it is, it's working.

Since his first year as a coach in 1999, Reid's teams are 15-2 coming off a bye. Basically, if the NFL only scheduled games to come off a bye, Reid's teams probably would've won the past 17 Super Bowls.

The most impressive thing about Reid is that I don't even think he pays attention to football during the bye week. For instance, this year, he spent the Chiefs' bye doing his best to help the American political process.

Good for him. He even wore Chiefs colors. And don't tell me that's not Andy Reid because I won't believe you.

Anyway, I'm not sure how I can pick against an Andy Reid-coached team coming off a bye and going up against the NFL's worst defense, so I'm not going to.

The pick: Chiefs 33-30 over Raiders.

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Andy Reid's teams are practically unbeatable coming off bye weeks. USATSI

Atlanta (4-1) at Seattle (3-1), 4:25 p.m. ET (Fox): "There's no way the Falcons will beat the Panthers," -- me, two weeks ago. Of course, I was wrong.

"There's no way the Falcons will beat the Broncos in Denver," -- me, last week. Yup. Wrong again.

"There's no way the Falcons are going to beat the Seahawks in Seattle," -- me, right now.

You would think that I would have learned my lesson picking against the Falcons the past two weeks, but apparently, I haven't. To be fair though, I think that mainly has to do with the fact that I'm still slightly bitter about last year when I picked Atlanta to win the NFC South, which actually looked brilliant when they started 5-0, but then they fell flat on their face and finished 8-8.

Of course, my bitterness isn't the only reason I'm picking against them in this game. The other reason is that I just don't ever like picking against the Seahawks at home. Since Russell Wilson's rookie year in 2012, the Seahawks are 29-5 at home in the regular season. The Falcons haven't played in Seattle since Wilson was drafted, and after Sunday, I'm guessing they won't want to go back anytime soon.

The pick: Seahawks 23-20 over Falcons.

Dallas (4-1) at Green Bay (3-1), 4:25 p.m. ET (Fox): First, before I get started here, we should probably get something out of the way because I think it will make Cowboys fans feel better.

I have no clue if Dez is playing Sunday, and I have no clue if he actually caught it, but if that dude on Twitter is going to keep track of that catch for over 600 days, then I thought we should give him some recognition.

Anyway, Cowboys fans shouldn't have to ask if Dez caught it after this game, and that's mainly because Dallas should just give the ball to Ezekiel Elliott 57 times Sunday. Sure, the Packers have the No. 1 run defense in the NFL, but no one knows if they're actually any good, and let me tell you why.

In Week 1, they faced the Jaguars, who didn't have Chris Ivory, because he was hospitalized the night before the game. In Week 2, the Vikings lost Adrian Peterson early in the second half and basically decided not to run the ball anymore in that game. In Week 3, the Packers got to face a Lions offense that had just lost starting running back Ameer Abdullah for the year. In Week 4, the Packers had a bye. In Week 5, the Giants didn't have their top two backs (Rashad Jennings, Shane Vereen) against Green Bay because they were both injured.

I'm not saying the Packers run defense isn't good, I'm just saying that those are some fortuitous circumstances that have somehow all gone in Green Bay's favor.

Dallas, just give the ball to Elliott, and when he runs for 175 yards, we'll all agree to let him ask the first question in the final presidential debate, and that's mainly so he can get this question in.

Anyway, just to stick with the Dez theme here, I have to pick the Cowboys in this game so this person can yell "Dez caught it" to everyone she knows.

The pick: Cowboys 27-24 over Packers

NFL Week 6 picks: All the rest

Bills 30-17 over 49ers

Eagles 31-24 over Redskins

Titans 27-20 over Browns

Saints 37-34 over Panthers

Bears 30-27 over Jaguars

Lions 24-17 over Rams

Steelers 31-20 over Dolphins

Patriots 34-24 over Bengals

Colts 22-19 over Texans

Cardinals 30-24 over Jets

Bye weeks: Vikings, Buccaneers

Last Week

Best pick: Last week, I predicted that the Raiders would go out and beat the Chargers 34-31, and then guess what happened? The Raiders went out beat the Chargers 34-31.

That's right, I picked the exact final score of the game. Did I know that the Chargers were going to botch a field goal snap with two minutes left? Of course I did. Since this is the Chargers, I knew that there was a 97 percent chance they would blow the game, and based on my calculations from last week, I knew there was an 83 percent chance that it would come on a botched field goal snap. It's simple math.

Anyway, my perfect prediction probably means more to me than it does to you because I get a five-dollar Wendy's gift card every time I pick a score right. It's in my contract. I also get a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best. That's not in my contract, but I usually get it by trading the Wendy's gift card to the guy who stands in front of my local convenience store all day.

That looks tasty.

OK, now that we've gotten this far, let's pause for a few seconds because I'm going to need to finish my entire six-pack before we get to my worst pick. It was really bad.

Worst pick: For some reason unknown to anyone alive, I tried to give Andy Dalton a new nickname last week and that completely backfired in my face.

I said that the Bengals game in Dallas would be the week where Andy Dalton would go from being just a "Daytime" phenomenon (Daytime Dalton) to being completely "Unstoppable" (Unstoppable Andy). I was wrong, and I have to admit, I'm pretty sure it was one of the three worst predictions of my life.

In no particular order, here's the worst predictions I've ever made.

  1. The English-speaking world will stop using the letter 'K' by 2011. That didn't happen.
  2. Brian Hoyer will win three MVP awards. That could still happen, but I'm just going to go ahead and give up on that one now.
  3. Unstoppable Andy will beat the Cowboys. That definitely didn't happen.

As a punishment, I picked against the Bengals this week, and picked the Cowboys to win. Also, as more punishment, I promise to name my first-born son Unstoppable Andy and I also promise to film the day he turns 18, so you can see him disown me for giving him such a ridiculous name.

Picks record

Straight-up in Week 5: 8-6

SU Overall: 41-36

Against the spread in Week 5: 7-6-1

ATS overall: 33-42-2

Exact score predictions: 1

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's trying to mathematically figure out in what weird way the Chargers will lose this week.