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Nearly 250 years ago, a group of colonists who were sick and tired of living under the rule of a monarchy on the other side of an ocean went to war to fight for their independence. They would achieve it a little over eight years later, form a new country ... and then a bunch of other stuff happened.

Now, just over 239 years since that war ended, the people of Iowa City, Iowa, and Hawkeyes fans everywhere are still ruled by a king. A king with a succession plan they'd like to see eviscerated. Unfortunately, they cannot. Unlike England's King George III all those years ago, this monarch is too powerful to remove.

Kirk Ferentz is armed with a $42 million buyout on a contract that runs through 2029, and he has the support of donors and school administration. While many in the kingdom are unhappy with their ruler, he did build the kingdom. Iowa has sustained a long period of success under Ferentz, and while the program hasn't won a Big Ten title since 2004, it's been one of the most consistent programs in the Big Ten during a time when the conference has experienced plenty of change. Plus, you know, the Hawkeyes did go 10-4 last season -- while winning the West -- and 35-13 from 2018 to 2021.

Currently, though, the Hawkeyes are 3-4 and 1-3 in the Big Ten. They've lost three straight, have failed to score more than 10 points in four of their seven games and are on pace to finish with what might be the worst offense in Big Ten history -- and it's the offense that sits as the root of the problem.

Iowa fans have long been accustomed to the team's style of play under Ferentz. They're going to play fundamental, complementary football. The defense will be salty as all hell, the special teams will be outstanding and the offense won't screw things up too badly. Hold onto the football, and everything else should take care of itself.

The offense has never been asked to do much, but it's no longer capable of even doing that. The hideous performance against Ohio State (three points, 158 yards, six turnovers) presented a new low point for an offense that has seen too many. It was the kind of performance that we've seen lead to the firing of the offensive coordinator or even the head coach.

In this case, though, the offensive coordinator happens to be the king's son. Also, the king has never made a habit of firing his assistants during the season. Still, it's looking increasingly like a necessary move that must be made this offseason if Iowa is to recover and get back to being one of the Big Ten's better programs.

Brian Ferentz has been the offensive coordinator since 2017, which is a remarkable achievement considering his offenses have never done anything. Look at this handy little table I made for you showing where the Iowa offense ranks nationally this season and during Brian Ferentz's entire tenure. It includes traditional stats as well as the fancy ones. All seem to agree on one thing: The offense is very bad.

Iowa Offense's National Ranking20222017-22

Offensive Points per Game

130th

105th

Yards per Game

131st

127th

Yards per Play

130th

124th

Third Down Conversion Rate

126th

105th

Points per Possession

131st

103rd

Success Rate

130th

105th

Explosive Play Rate

130th

126th

Expected Points Added per Play

131st

108th

If Brian Ferentz was named Brian Johnson, there's no way he's lasting six seasons on the job with that kind of production. But his name is Ferentz, and he's far from the first son in history to benefit from his father's achievements. Still, it's time for the father to take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide if the best thing he could do for his son and his family is to end this farce.

It's certainly the best thing for his kingdom.

Palate Cleanser of the Week

I just wrote 700 words about a terrible offense, and I'm about to write even more on another terrible offense, so the least I can do is show an amazing catch by Penn State's Mitchell Tinsley in between. If I don't, I run the risk of driving you away.

The Other Horrible Offense of the Week

Speaking of play-callers who can't be fired, Jimbo Fisher and Texas A&M lost to South Carolina 30-24 Saturday night. The loss drops the Aggies to 3-4 on the season and 1-3 in the SEC. It was another frustrating night for an Aggies offense that hasn't scored more than 24 points in a game against an FBS team this season, and could struggle to reach a bowl game. But Jimbo isn't going anywhere. He has an $86 million buyout on a fully guaranteed contract that runs through 2031. That's one dollar for every page in Jimbo's playbook.

Fisher was hired and given the biggest contract for a college coach at the time because Kevin Sumlin's record of 51-26 (.662) simply wasn't good enough to meet the lofty expectations of Texas A&M decision-makers. Following Saturday's loss, Fisher is 37-18 (.672). That jump from a .662 winning percentage to .672 earned Fisher an extension.

Now, there's reason to be optimistic about the program's future. The Aggies aren't likely to taste the fruits of their recruiting labor in 2022 until next season, but as long as Fisher remains the play-caller, that influx of talent could be wasted. Remember the table I made for Brian Ferentz?

Here it is for Jimbo at A&M.

Texas A&M Offense's National Ranking20222018-2022

Offensive Points per Game

108th

47th

Yards per Game

108th

52nd

Yards per Play

85th

37th

Third Down Conversion Rate

105th

37th

Points per Possession

109th

49th

Success Rate

100th

26th

Explosive Play Rate

66th

18th

Expected Points Added per Play

102nd

46th

So at least there's reason to believe things will improve, and this is just a down season for the Aggies. Still, I'm not sure being above average on offense is what Texas A&M is paying for, so it might be time for some fresh eyes running the offense.

A Second Palate Cleanser of the Week

Showing this Charlie Jones grab right after writing about Iowa's offense felt mean -- Jones transferred to Purdue from Iowa this offseason -- but I wanted to show it. Hopefully Iowa fans stopped reading.

Plot Twist of the Week

Let me set the stage. FAU trailed UTEP 21-14 with seven minutes left when it received the ball at its 11-yard line following a punt. The Owls proceeded to drive 89 yards over seven plays before QB N'Kosi Perry found Austin Evans for a 17-yard touchdown pass to make it a 21-20 game. Then, the Owls lined up for the extra point to tie the game when this happened:

UTEP defensive end Praise Amaewhule blocked the extra point with his face, causing his helmet to come off. UTEP cornerback Latrez Shelton picked up the loose ball and returned it for a safety to make it a 23-20 game. Well, at least, he thought he did. Unfortunately for the Miners, Amaewhule's helmet coming off after he blocked the PAT with his face led to an illegal participation penalty because you aren't allowed to continue in a play without your helmet. That gave FAU another try at the PAT, which it made to tie the game. Fortunately for Amaewhule and the Miners, they would answer with a game-winning 27-yard field goal as time expired.

Heisman Winner of the Week

I'm considered by many to be a Bo Nix hater, but I don't believe that to be the case. I consider myself a Bo Nix realist. I believe Bo Nix is a very talented quarterback capable of doing incredible things on a football field. The problem is that Nix is just as capable of doing stupid things, too, and throughout his career, he's picked some very bad times to do so.

I love watching him because he's always entertaining, but the mistakes have always kept me from considering him one of the country's best QBs, particularly when he's in a big game against a good opponent.

Well, this week, Nix played a big game against a good opponent, and he balled out. Nix led Oregon to a 45-30 win over previously unbeaten UCLA to establish the Ducks as a legitimate contender for the Pac-12 title. Nix threw for 283 yards and five touchdowns while rushing for 51 yards. He helped Oregon score points on its first seven possessions, and the game was wrapped up before the Ducks punter was ever summoned.

The Ducks are now the only Pac-12 team without a conference loss, and have been a much better football team since the one we saw get crushed 49-3 by Georgia in Week 1.

Interception of the Week

Upon first glance, this interception by Bowling Green defensive lineman Walter Haire may not seem like anything special. But when you see the replay of him pinning the ball against the offensive lineman's back and then getting control, you understand why I felt the need to share it.

Nuclear Punt of the Week

OK, so Cincinnati isn't going to return to the College Football Playoff this season, but does that matter when you have Mason Fletcher dropping bombs like this? I propose a rule that if a punt goes over 75 yards, the touchback rule is null and void. Ball rolled through the end zone? Fine, other team gets the ball at the 1. It's called justice.

Another Ridiculous Catch of the Week

Again, I did not want to include this too close to the part about Brian Ferentz. It's important we do everything we can to protect the mental well-being of Iowa fans right now.

Press Conference of the Week

Mississippi State lost to Alabama 30-6 Saturday, and now Mike Leach is worried about the evolutionary effects the performance will have on his players.

Fanshot of the Week

No Context College Football is right, because I have no idea what happened to draw this reaction from a fan at what seems to be Liberty's 41-14 win over BYU, but it's the same look I had on my face listening to Mike Leach's press conference. Anyway, Hugh Freeze's team is now 7-1 this season, and it's only a matter of time before he's back coaching in the SEC, right? Like, we all agree that will happen?

Dancing Coach of the Week

The one thing they've always said about dancing is that it's all in the shoulders. Mike Gundy's Cowboys picked up a huge 41-34 win over Texas to improve and bounce back from a 43-40 overtime loss to TCU. Now, Oklahoma State has a huge game against Kansas State this week, and a win would put them in the driver's seat for a possible rematch against TCU in the Big 12 Championship Game.

College Football Playoff Projection of the Week

  1. Tennessee
  2. Ohio State
  3. Georgia
  4. Clemson

Until the next Monday After!