While we're supposed to be concentrating on the futures of 60-plus draft prospects hoping to have their lives changed Thursday night in New York City, the implosion of the Sacramento Kings and the situation between George Karl and DeMarcus Cousins have taken the spotlight off draft week. The beauty of the draft is the potential for grabbing a franchise-changing player, but when you have someone like Cousins possibly on the trade block, you're getting a guy who will be a guarantee in changing your fortunes.
The Kings are denying they're interested in dealing Cousins at this time, but for the sake of this post, we're not buying it -- if only because the chances of Cousins playing this season for Karl, at this point, don't seem great. It's time to take a semi-serious look at how your favorite NBA team can acquire Cousins around draft night and give you one of the best, if not the best big man in the NBA:
| Team | Trade package |
| Atlanta Hawks receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Nik Stauskas |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Al Horford, Walter Tavares (draft rights), 2017 first-round pick (Wolves, protected), snake & grass emojis tatted on Mike Scott |
In this scenario, the Kings make out nicely. They're receiving an All-Star big man who can help George Karl win right away, the draft rights of an intriguing international big man, and that Wolves' draft pick in 2017 is lottery protected through 2020. With the Wolves getting someone like Karl-Anthony Towns to team up with Andrew Wiggins, it looks like that could be conveyed as a first-round pick around 2018.
I mean, it's not like the Wolves are a complete disaster forever and trying to trade their franchise big man in a world of instability, right Vivek? Wait, this isn't heading in the positive direction I was intending. The emojis are important. The Kings don't want Mike Scott in this scenario; they just want exclusive rights to the emojis Cousins used in a tweet, presumably about George Karl.
???
— DeMarcus Cousins (@boogiecousins) June 23, 2015
This seems doable for both sides.
| Team | Trade package |
| Boston Celtics receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Nik Stauskas |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Gerald Wallace, Marcus Smart, Kelly Olynyk, Jared Sullinger, 2016 first-round pick (Mavs, protected), 2017 first-round pick (Grizzlies, protected), 2015 pick (#16) |
The Boston Celtics have been stockpiling assets the best they can as they attempt to be in position to land a big-time, disgruntled star. They have a lot of picks to be able to choose from, and they're probably denying that they even own the rights to the Brooklyn Nets' first-round picks of the future. They can distract the Kings with future protected picks owed by the Dallas Mavericks and the Memphis Grizzlies while offering up Marcus Smart, the expiring contract of Gerald Wallace, Kelly Olynyk and Jared Sullinger. They can also throw in the No. 16 pick in this year's draft.
The Kings get several young players to use here, a bunch of draft picks to utilize in the next couple of years, and as a bonus they get rid of the task of turning Stauskas into a real NBA player. You may even be able to get another pick out of Boston if the Kings can convince Tommy Heinsohn that Stauskas is the next Danny Ainge and then Heinsohn pressures the real Danny Ainge.
| Team | Trade package |
| Brooklyn Nets receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Nik Stauskas, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Brook Lopez, Bojan Bogdanovic, Mason Plumlee, whenever they have a first-round pick they can deal again unless the Celtics own them all, Shake Shack next to Barclays Center |
Speaking of picks the Brooklyn Nets don't have, I'm not sure how much they can offer the Kings in this scenario. By taking Stauskas' deal and Landry's bad contract, the Nets give a little bit of relief to the Kings. They also give up Brook Lopez, Bojan Bodganovic and Mason Plumlee to help Karl try to win games now and break Don Nelson's wins record. If they can find a first-round pick available in some sketchy accounting practices, they can offer those up as well.
That Shake Shack near the Barclays Center is key because Karl can convince Andre Miller to stick around in free agency by offering him free burgers and fries. Miller is known for hitting up the free media dinners in visiting towns, so he can stretch his dollars even further by getting free pre-game meals in every city, even at home.
| Team | Trade package |
| Charlotte Hornets receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Marvin Williams, Matt Barnes, Brian Roberts, 2015 pick (#9) |
Putting DeMarcus Cousins and Al Jefferson next to each other could be tricky, but it could also be a devastating big-man combination that becomes the Memphis Grizzlies of the Eastern Conference. Giving up MKG is tough and the No. 9 pick is also a nice piece for the Kings to acquire, but the Hornets can make peace with that by remembering they're getting a Level 6 Kaiju in this trade.
Making the money work with Marvin Williams, Brian Roberts and Matt Barnes (self-proclaimed Sactown's Finest) gives Karl some veteran role players he can plug in. We may get into some tricky situations here when you get Cousins and Michael Jordan arguing about who has more confidence.
| Team | Trade package |
| Chicago Bulls receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Joakim Noah, Nikola Mirotic, 2015 pick (#20) |
Tom Thibodeau is gone and now the Chicago Bulls can try to sell whatever is left of Joakim Noah's value. By giving up Noah, Karl gets a defensive presence inside who can pass to anybody in George's system. By grabbing Mirotic, he can have that versatile forward to stretch the floor. The Kings can use the No. 20 pick to grab one of the top point guards left in the draft -- be it Tyus Jones, Jerian Grant or Delon Wright. It's not a phenomenal return but youmight be able to talk Fred Hoiberg and his new bosses into giving up Tony Snell here, too.
For the Bulls, you're grabbing Cousins to put next to Derrick Rose, Jimmy Butler and the final year or two of Pau Gasol. That has to at least be a combination that worries the Cleveland Cavaliers in the postseason.
| Team | Trade package |
| Cleveland Cavaliers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry, Nik Stauskas |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Timofey Mozgov, Kevin Love (after he opts in), 2015 pick (#24) |
With the Cavs picking up the team option on Timofey Mozgov, they have a center with some of the best value in the NBA at just under $5 million. So why deal him and Kevin Love after you convince them to opt in for one more year? Well, you played better with Tristan Thompson on the floor in the playoffs and even went away from Mozgov at various times against the Golden State Warriors. By acquiring Cousins for Mozgov, Love and the 24th pick, you now sport a lineup of Kyrie Irving, Iman Shumpert, LeBron James, Tristan Thompson and Cousins. How does that not dominate the East for the next five years?
For the Kings, they get a year of Love and can even leverage him in a trade at the deadline. They unload Stauskas so Tristan has another Canadian to hang out with and they get rid of Landry's deal, which actually gives the Cavs some decent depth inside. Love in Karl's system would be stellar, and with him being that much closer to Los Angeles, perhaps the Kings can convince him the Lakers are the enemy. Maybe ...
| Team | Trade package |
| Dallas Mavericks receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Chandler Parsons, Raymond Felton, 2015 pick (#21), and Cyberdust wipes away records of Michael Malone working for the Kings |
The Kings have had an ugly year in terms of how the team has been covered because they haven't been able to slow down the instability of the Maloof days. A lot of that centers around the situation with Michael Malone, which they'll get killed for even more if Karl's hire leads to Cousins' departure. In order to make the money work in this deal, the Kings acquire Chandler Parsons, who would be great under Karl, Felton's contract and a first-round pick for their troubles.
The real key to this entire deal though is Mark Cuban's Cyberdust app wiping away any knowledge of the Kings' history with Malone. I assume that's what this Cyberdust app does, right? It's like that mind-erase thing from the "Men In Black" movies, right? If so, we'll have no memory of how badly the Kings screwed this situation up.
| Team | Trade package |
| Denver Nuggets receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Rudy Gay |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Ty Lawson, Kenneth Faried, Wilson Chandler, Danilo Gallinari, the UNC mouse pad Karl left behind, Karl's old parking spot at the Pepsi Center |
Karl seems intent on recreating the 2013 Denver Nuggets team that won 57 games and was ousted in the first round of the playoffs. He didn't get a fair shake in the process, getting canned after leading Denver to the best regular season in franchise history and winning Coach of the Year. Under this scenario, Karl gets to bring that team (or a lot of it) back to Sacramento to get the band back together and try again. It's a little complicated because of Kenneth Faried's poison pill contract, but they can make it work.
So, to summarize, the Kings unload Cousins to Denver along with Rudy Gay and his contract. They bring back Faried, Ty Lawson, Wilson Chandler, and Danilo Gallinari -- four key members of that Nuggets team. They also get anything from Denver that Karl accidentally left behind and also replace his parking spot in Sacramento with the one from the Pepsi Center, just so he feels more at home. Then they get to have an incredible 2015-16 season before Stephen Curry burns down their team in the playoffs once again.
| Team | Trade package |
| Detroit Pistons receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Anthony Tolliver, Ersan Ilyasova, 2015 pick (#8), RoboCop statue I'm 80 percent convinced exists somewhere in downtown Detroit |
You may be wondering how it's possible the Kings give up Cousins and don't get Andre Drummond back in this scenario. Well, let me explain it to you. Drummond is an excellent big man and he's great at protecting the rim. But what if the Kings need more than just rim protection? What if they need protection for everything? Is there a better defensive force than RoboCop? I'm not entirely sure that there's a real RoboCop statue in Detroit, but I know there was a KickStarter for the construction and placement of one in Detroit years ago.
Supporters pledged over $60,000 and that sounds like enough to get a statue done. This would look great outside of the new arena the Kings are building in downtown Sacramento. Plus, once you see the image used in the KickStarter to help bring the statue possibly to life, you won't find a need for Drummond on this Kings team.
| Team | Trade package |
| Golden State Warriors receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Harrison Barnes, David Lee, Festus Ezeli, Marreese Speights, and Draymond Green does the in-arena MC'ing for Kings games |
How could the Golden State Warriors get even scarier than what they were this past season in their championship run? Have DeMarcus Cousins move his stuff an hour and a half down the freeway and become the new starting center of the Warriors. Kings get a bunch of big role players like Harrison Barnes, David Lee, Festus Ezeli and Marreese Speights to help Karl win now, and Draymond Green stays with the Warriors but he has to moonlight as the in-arena MC for the Kings' home games.
The Warriors then put Cousins in the starting lineup and Andrew Bogut with the second unit. Occasionally you play them together and the referees have a nervous breakdown in the process. It's the height of entertainment and we truly get a dynasty in the Bay Area.
| Team | Trade package |
| Houston Rockets receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Dwight Howard, Donatas Motiejunas, Daryl Morey no longer is allowed to trade with the Kings in the future |
The Houston Rockets get younger by acquiring Cousins and letting go of Dwight Howard. They throw in the sweetener of Donatas Motiejunas because Cousins and Terrence Jones should complement each other just fine on the court. The Kings don't have a big drop-off between their old center and their new center, while the Rockets become set up for years with the combination of James Harden and Cousins.
The cherry on top for the Kings is Daryl Morey is now banned from making a trade with the Kings for the rest of his tenure with the Rockets. He acquired Ron Artest for Bobby Jackson, Donte Greene and the pick that became Omri Casspi back in 2008. He traded a package with Carl Landry as the key piece in exchange for Kevin Martin in 2010. Martin was later used in the deal to get Harden. The only deal the Kings have won with the Rockets is the move that sent Thomas Robinson to Houston for Patrick Patterson.
I just don't think it's a good idea for Morey to be allowed to deal with the Kings for Sacramento's sake.
| Team | Trade package |
| Indiana Pacers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Roy Hibbert, 2015 pick (#11), immunity from the Cousins-West rampage |
I don't even really care about what the Kings get in this deal and I don't particularly care about how Cousins fits with the Indiana Pacers. I just want to see David West and Cousins decide to recreate the Rampage video game and see what damage they can do to cities all over the world. The key for Sacramento though is getting immunity from that kind of destruction in the deal. It's more important than protection on any draft pick has ever been.
| Team | Trade package |
| Los Angeles Clippers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | DeAndre Jordan, Jamal Crawford |
In this scenario, DeAndre Jordan decides to do a sign-and-trade to go to the Kings and we'll even find a way to throw Jamal Crawford into the mix because I think he'd be fun in Karl's offensive system. The real key to this deal is the entertainment value of watching Cousins keep his new Clippers' teammates from shaking hands with Chris Paul before, during and after games.
| Team | Trade package |
| Los Angeles Lakers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, 2015 pick (#6) |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Jordan Hill, Julius Randle, 2015 pick (#2), admit something fishy happened in Game 6 of 2002 WCF |
This is a great trade for both sides. The Lakers get to keep a lottery pick by acquiring the No. 6 pick in the draft and they get Cousins in the process. He becomes the next star of the Lakers' franchise and they can start working their way back to respectability. For the Kings, they get the Lakers' lottery pick in Julius Randle last year, the expiring deal of Jordan Hill and they can use the No. 2 pick on D'Angelo Russell to run the team.
The key to this deal is the Lakers admitting something was up with the officiating and the outcome of Game 6 in the 2002 Western Conference finals. It's been a sore subject for many NBA fans, especially Kings fans, ever since Tim Donaghy got busted for cheating at his profession. The Lakers don't have to vacate the championship nor do they have to give the Kings the series victory. I think it's enough that they admit something didn't feel right and let the Kings and their fans have some closure.
| Team | Trade package |
| Memphis Grizzlies receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Marc Gasol, immunity from Cousins and Z-Bo rampage |
OK, the basketball side of getting Marc Gasol to agree to a sign-and-trade to the Kings is fascinating, but now I'm thinking about having a cloned version of Cousins, trading him to the Grizzlies, and then we see a rampage tag team bout between Cousins 1 and David West vs. Cousins 2 and Zach Randolph. I have no idea 1) how a city survives this kind of destruction and 2) who even wins this theoretical fight. You have to think Cousins vs. Cousins is even, but that cloning process can be tricky. It may come down to Z-Bo vs. West, and I have no idea which player you take there.
This would set Pay Per View records.
| Team | Trade package |
| Miami Heat receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Hassan Whiteside, Josh McRoberts, Luol Deng, Dwyane Wade's dad's non-Heat T-shirts |
Hassan Whiteside gets to come back to the Sacramento Kings and prove he should've been kept there as the center of the future all along. He gets the satisfaction of knowing he was the guy who ended up sending Cousins out of town after Cousins was a tough "mentor" for him in their "year" together. The Heat get to unload the contract of Josh McRoberts, so Pat Riley doesn't have to be reminded of the LeBron James situation. That goes double for Luol Deng and his expiring deal.
The key to it all is making sure Dwyane Wade's dad doesn't have any T-shirts that aren't supporting the Heat left in his wardrobe. Then Wade can re-sign for a reasonable asking price with the Heat and they can go dominate the East with Cousins, Chris Bosh, Wade and a re-signed Goran Dragic.
| Team | Trade package |
| Milwaukee Bucks receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | O.J. Mayo, Jabari Parker, John Henson |
The ACL rehab for Jabari Parker makes it easier to give up on his future if you're the Milwaukee Bucks, especially when you're getting a monster like Cousins. O.J. Mayo becomes contract filler for the Kings in the deal, but I have a feeling Karl will want him to be a key part of that attack. Mayo's second-highest scoring average of his career happened against the Nuggets, mostly against Karl's teams in Denver. It's probably safe to assume Karl believes that's someone he needs on his side, even in 2015. John Henson is a nice rim protector for the Kings in the process as well.
The Bucks then trot out Michael Carter-Williams, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Khris Middleton, either Bobby Portis or Montrezl Harrell with the 17th pick, and Cousins as their core. This is the reason Jason Kidd put himself in the position to have power of personnel moves in Milwaukee when he couldn't get both roles in Brooklyn. We can pretend he doesn't do both roles with the Bucks, but we know what's up.
| Team | Trade package |
| Minnesota Timberwolves receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Nikola Pekovic |
I only bring up a trade of Nikola Pekovic for DeMarcus Cousins because I can't get this image out of my head.
Suddenly, the basketball side of it doesn't matter anymore.
| Team | Trade package |
| New Orleans Pelicans receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry, Nik Stauskas |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Tyreke Evans, Jrue Holiday, Jimmer Fredette |
This is a big time #ThrowbackThursday for the Kings as they re-acquire former Rookie of the Year Tyreke Evans and former lottery pick Jimmer Fredette. They also get Jrue Holiday to be Karl's point guard. We have to be realistic and assume Alvin Gentry isn't letting Anthony Davis go anywhere in a deal, and wouldn't you love to see the small ball era of basketball challenged by Cousins and The Brow together?
Plus, I'm pretty sure Cousins is the only person who can defeat Pierre The Pelican and whatever that King Baby mascot is.
| Team | Trade package |
| New York Knicks receive: | Carl Landry, Ray McCallum |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Jason Smith, Shane Larkin, Tim Hardaway, Jr. |
Come on, this is the best I could do. You didn't really think we'd have a scenario in which something good happened to the New York Knicks, did you?
| Team | Trade package |
| Oklahoma City Thunder receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Serge Ibaka, Steven Adams, Dion Waiters, 2015 pick (#14) |
OK, you want to convince Kevin Durant he's supposed to stay in Oklahoma City? You team him up with DeMarcus Cousins and Russell Westbrook and dare him to leave. You don't actually dare him to leave because he's crazy competitive and that could really backfire if he takes it the wrong way. But by giving up Serge Ibaka, Steven Adams and Dion Waiters along with the 14th pick, you give up a lot of depth, but you also replace it with a lot of All-Star.
Why do the Kings do this? Ibaka and Adams are a couple of guys Karl would love to have patrolling that front line, and Waiters becomes the new target of criticism Karl loved to have when he coached J.R. Smith.
| Team | Trade package |
| Orlando Magic receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Nikola Vucevic, Channing Frye, 2015 pick (#5) |
There were rumors of a three-team trade to get this done, but I prefer just the straight-up approach. The Magic would be giving up a lot in Nikola Vucevic and the No. 5 pick in the draft in order to make this happen, but we need to be honest about what's really happening there. Vucevic is a potential All-Star because he was in the weak Eastern Conference. He's a very good center but he's not changing your franchise. You're getting a major upgrade in Cousins, which has much more to do with Boogie than it does with Vucevic.
For the Kings, you now have Vucevic to be the scorer inside, you can take Willie Cauley-Stein to put next to him for defensive purposes and then you take someone like Mario Hezonja or Justise Winslow (if available) to give you a great new core for the future of Kings basketball. This is a legitimate win-win for both teams.
| Team | Trade package |
| Philadelphia 76ers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, 2015 pick (#6) |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Joel Embiid, 2015 pick (#3) |
I'm actually very intrigued by this idea. Having Cousins and Nerlens Noel next to each other for the next decade could be an incredible way to dominate the boards and the paint for the 76ers. They give up on a super-high potential player like Embiid, but no longer have to deal with his injury problems and the questions about whether or not he'll actually play much for them. They get a draft pick in the process and can take someone like Mario Hezonja, who would be a fan favorite and a Sam Hinkie favorite in Philly.
For the Kings, it doesn't help them chase victories now, but you can hopefully get Embiid ready to play and find yourself with another franchise-changing center. If D'Angelo Russell falls to No. 3 in the draft, he becomes the perfect George Karl guard and lights the league on fire in this up-tempo style of offense. It's a risky future for the Kings, but so is trading Cousins because Karl has alienated him.
| Team | Trade package |
| Phoenix Suns receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Alex Len, the Morris Twins, Danny Granger, 2015 pick (#13) |
It's in the Collective Bargaining Agreement that you can't separate the Morris Twins once they've joined up, so you take both of their poison pill contracts along with Alex Len, what's left of Danny Granger (hint: it's only an expiring contract left), and you grab another lottery pick in the process. The Kings can use that newfound depth to either develop a solid and versatile front line or they can move off each player (except the Morris twins who stay together like the Goonies) in trades down the road.
The Suns then get to create Kentucky of the West with Cousins, Eric Bledsoe and Archie Goodwin. John Calipari leaves Kentucky and goes to coach the Suns or run the Suns along with Jeff Hornacek. Well, the Suns' management probably doesn't want to make moves that leads to them being replaced so let's keep that Calipari component as a maybe.
| Team | Trade package |
| Portland Trail Blazers receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Voodoo Doughnuts |
The Trail Blazers get to re-sign LaMarcus Aldridge and run with a Big Three of LMA, Cousins and Damian Lillard. The Kings and their fans get to eat their feelings with decorative and amazing doughnuts. It's a win-win.
| Team | Trade package |
| San Antonio Spurs receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Tiago Splitter, Patty Mills, Kyle Anderson, the 2007 title |
The trio of Tiago Splitter, Patty Mills and Kyle Anderson are nice role players who can help Karl win now and add needed depth to this Kings team. Anderson has fantastic upside as a playmaker on the wing. Karl can definitely use a guy like that, and you're certainly not getting Kawhi Leonard in exchange for Cousins. The real get here though is the 2007 championship.
The Spurs can afford to let this go for two reasons. 1) They're getting Cousins to pair with the twilight years of Tim Duncan and Tony Parker while putting him next to Kawhi for a decade. You're going to get more titles doing that. 2) This one happened against the Cavs' team with LeBron James as the top scorer and Drew Gooden as the second-best scorer for Cleveland in that series. It's not exactly like beating the Heat in 2014 or the Pistons in 2005.
| Team | Trade package |
| Toronto Raptors receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Jason Thompson, Carl Landry |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Jonas Valanciunas, DeMar DeRozan, Terrence Ross, Greivis Vasquez |
Let's get nuts here. I thought about moving Rudy Gay back to Toronto, but I didn't want the Raptors fans to hunt me down. Instead, they're giving up a lot of pieces with Valanciunas, DeRozan, Ross and Vasquez. That's a lot of firepower to give up and it's certainly a nice rotation for guys Karl will love to use in hunting that wins record. But the real key here is what Cousins means for Toronto.
This could be your legitimate chance to lure Kevin Durant in 2016. This has been the pipe dream of Raptors fans and Drake over the past two years, but you need a real star to pair him with if you're going to convince him to head north. Cousins, Kyle Lowry and the pipe dream of Durant could be the start of something incredible in the NBA.
| Team | Trade package |
| Utah Jazz receive: | DeMarcus Cousins |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Rudy Gobert, Alec Burks, Trey Burke, Trevor Booker |
Jazz fans already stopped reading this section when they saw they were giving up Rudy Gobert. I guarantee it. To make up for it, here's an eight-minute video of every single Gobert block from this past season. I apologize for my insulting suggestion, Utah.
| Team | Trade package |
| Washington Wizards receive: | DeMarcus Cousins, Carl Landry, Nik Stauskas |
| Sacramento Kings receive: | Nene, Bradley Beal, Martell Webster |
Bradley Beal next to Ben McLemore is a great wing combination for George Karl. He once coached Nene in Denver, so he gets to remember that Nuggets stint he loved so much. Martell Webster once dunked against Karl's team in the final moments of a game in which his team was down three to the Nuggets. And you can win some games with these veterans if you're the Kings.
For the Wizards, they put Cousins and John Wall together like it's their Kentucky days. Then they try to convince Durant to come play in his home area with them and they all take on LeBron James in the East. This is my favorite Big Three of the future.
