In an alternate universe somewhere, perhaps Major League Baseball players have the power to eject umpires from games. In this universe, they only can pretend. 

So, it was far from official Saturday night when Red Sox star David Ortiz "ejected" umpire Bruce Dreckman shortly after Dreckman ejected Ortiz for making an unkind gesture at him. In all, it was a strange moment in a 7-4 loss to the Royals at Kauffman Stadium.

Ortiz hit what sounded like a broken-bat single to center in the top of the seventh against Kelvin Herrera. Post-swing, Ortiz flipped his bat, flinging it -- possibly by accident -- into fair ground, but not really near anyone else on the field. Ortiz's wayward flip started a 90-foot conversation with Dreckman, and Ortiz did something to further upset the umpire, who ejected him. On his way to Boston's dugout, Ortiz interrupted manager John Farrell, stopping to ask Dreckman what the deal was.

Ortiz could be heard on the Red Sox broadcast saying to Dreckman: "You're too sensitive." Shortly thereafter, Ortiz gave Dreckman the heave-ho. Watch:

Which brings us back to the rules of baseball as they pertain to our dimension. Even among other umpires, what Ortiz tried doesn't work:

"You can't throw an umpire out of the game" is right, as Joe West said in "Naked Gun."

As for the Red Sox game, it, too, was "theatrical," Jordan Wilson of MLB.com wrote:

"I wanted to find out what he threw me out for," said Ortiz, who said the explanation he received was "because I did what I did at first base."

After the game, Ortiz denied speculation that he was ejected because of the bat flip and spoke more about what he sees as a decaying relationship between players and umpires.

"All I've got to say is that ... this situation between players and umpires is getting to a ridiculous point," Ortiz said. "Because it seems to me it's more of a feeling than a reality. I'm an 18-year veteran with this league, and when I was coming up, it seemed like they used to respect you because of that. But it seems like it doesn't work that way anymore."

Ortiz added that he felt Dreckman wasn't respecting him, so why should Ortiz respect Dreckman. 

The Red Sox are having a rough season again, and Ortiz came in batting .230 with a .403 slugging percentage at age 39. So he has reason to be frustrated. Further, as Wilson reported and video backs up, Ortiz appeared to be upset at a call or calls on balls and strikes that Dreckman made earlier in the at-bat. Dreckman apparently didn't want to hear it and, as his prerogative when it comes to arguing balls and strikes, ejected Ortiz. Dreckman's ejection doesn't count.

Update: Big Papi isn't the first ballplayer to "eject" an umpire. Carlos Zambrano, certainly a reasonable man, tried to throw Mark Carlson out of a game in 2009:

Sorry, Carlos. And thanks, @DannyStus, for remembering Z's meltdown.