Yankees reliever Zach Britton has something he'd like to tell you ...
Breaking News: I will be going by my legal name “Zack” instead of my stage name “Zach”..... everyone continue to breath normally... #beenlivingalie #birthcertfail— Zack Britton (@zbritton) February 7, 2019
So Zach Britton, moundsman at large and leisure, will now be known as Zack Britton. If I may, a brief screengrab from deep inside the Machina of Quality Sports Content ...
The content-management system within which these words were forged, as evinced by the Dotted Line of Grammatical Admonishment, has been thunderstruck by this plot twist -- addled like fiddler crab on illegal street drugs.
Why is this happening? Here's why this is happening ...
The #Yankees’ Britton is switching the last letter of his first name from “h” to “k” because Zack is indeed his legal name and the way it appears on his baseball contract. Part of his motivation is to clear up any confusion with regard to marketing and endorsements.— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) February 7, 2019
So did all of this occasion a sick-burn callback to the 2016 AL Wild Card Game?
Is that game used?— Jonas (@j_pein32) February 7, 2019
Short answer. NO.— Zack Britton (@zbritton) February 7, 2019
Yes, is the answer.
Anyhow, Britton's own Yankees sent out an alert to the media notifying of this change, and requesting their compliance. Comply we shall. And while machine learning takes time and is occasionally a fraught endeavor, this scribe promises to negotiate the laser-beam perimeter of the content-management system, peck at the control panel as the siren goes off, keep one eye on the pneumatic sliding airlock for the onrush of the Starborn Galactic CMS Defense Force, breathily declare, "I'm in," and adjust the settings so that "Zach" becomes "Zack." Just in time, of course.
As long as we're swapping out h's and k's in the names of ballplayers: Cole Kamels, George Hell.