In fact, Marlins Man (known in some circles as Laurence Leavy) won't be attending any games in Marlins Park for the foreseeable future. Instead, Mr. Man has declared himself a free agent after failing to come to terms with the Marlins on a season-ticket deal. Here's what his version of the 95 Theses entails, per ESPN's Darren Rovell:
The only Marlins games he says he plans to attend are the Yankees-Marlins series at Yankee Stadium. He also says he's considering keeping the orange jersey he wears but taking the Marlins logo off of it. He said he'll also consider wearing the jersey of another interested team that would be more appreciative of him.
Mr. Man's public feud with the Marlins' new ownership began with an awkward (if quotable) face-off with Derek Jeter. Jeter refused to honor Mr. Man's requests -- notably, riding in the Marlinsmobile and permitting him a promotional night for every Monday home game. More recently, the Marlins "insulted" Mr. Man by granting him a credit that gifts him two season tickets in the outfield. Though he accepted the credit, he's vowed to give away those tickets.
Perhaps sensing that reconciliation was beyond reach, Mr. Man is now negotiating with other teams, including the Detroit Tigers. It seems unlikely that Mr. Man will reach an agreement before the Opening Day festivities begin, but rest assured that he had to get one last comment in about Jeter on his way out:
Said Leavy: "Derek Jeter is a Hall of Fame player and a virgin and inexperienced corporate owner and baseball manager of a team. I wish them luck and success, and I hope that they have a winning team in my lifetime."
Every day of baseball's regular season brings something new. Context be danged, let Opening Day 2018 be remembered as the first time in a long time someone called Derek Jeter a virgin.