After sitting through Wild Card Weekend, I have to say, it's probably a good thing that the Bills only make the playoffs once every 17 years because I'm not sure our country would survive if they made it more often than that. 

If the Bills made the postseason every year, the biggest winners would be the foldable table industry and people who like to be set on fire, which is actually a way higher number of people than I thought. 

Although the two people in that video made being slammed into a table look easy, let me assure you that it is not. It takes years of practice to master a good table slamming and if you don't go through those years of practice, then this happens. 

One person who didn't get slammed through a table over the weekend was O.J. Simpson. Despite the fact that he spent nearly a decade in prison, he still seems to be the fourth- or fifth-most popular person in Las Vegas and I'm not sure if that says more about O.J. or Vegas. 

O.J. was at a Bills bar in Vegas, where no one watched the game because they were all taking pictures with O.J. 

Throwback to Sunday’s playoff adventures #TheJuiceIsLoose #BuffaloBills #BillsMafia #OJSimpson

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Now that I've met my season-long quota for O.J. Simpson pictures, which was set at one, we can now get to this week's picks. 

Actually, before we get to my picks, you should take a second and check out the playoff picks from every CBSSports.com NFL expert by clicking here. If you've been gambling your rent money on my picks and are now no longer able to afford rent, then that probably means you should click over and check out Ryan Wilson's picks so you can win your rent money back. 

I'm not sure what Wilson's strategy was last week, but whatever he did, it worked, because he went 4-0 picking games against the spread.

Alright, let's get to the picks. 

NFL divisional round picks

Saturday, Jan. 13

No. 6 Atlanta (11-6) at No. 1 Philadelphia (13-3)
TV: 4:35 p.m. ET, NBC
Line: Falcons, -3

Remember when there was suddenly a new Aunt Viv on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," but no one really noticed or cared because she was better than the first one? That's kind of how I feel about the Eagles right now, except the opposite. The second person on the job (Nick Foles) is nowhere near as good as the first person (Carson Wentz) and I have an ugly feeling that Philly's season is about to get flipped, turned upside down. I would like to take a minute -- just sit right there -- to tell you why I'm taking the Falcons, who are on a total tear. Definitely should've skipped that "Fresh Prince" marathon on Nick at Nite last week. 

Anyway, both teams had a top-10 defense in the regular season, so this game kind of comes down to which offense you trust more and I have to say, the answer to that question for me is definitely the offense not run by Foles. The Eagles could run the ball on every play, but even that might not help because the Falcons had one of the NFL's best run defenses in 2017. 

Going into this week, I thought the Eagles' biggest advantage would be the weather, but Mother Nature is clearly riding shotgun on the Falcons' bandwagon because the weather for this game is supposed to be in the mid-40s, which isn't exactly cold for January in Philadelphia. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that's still shorts weather for  every college-aged guy on the East Coast. 

It's also supposed to be rainy, which is normally bad news for a dome team like the Falcons, but they played in that exact weather -- mid-40s and rainy -- earlier this season in Seattle and they put up their highest point total of the year in a 34-31 victory. 

Of course, the Falcons don't even need to score 34 points to win this game. They just need 18. Including their wild-card victory over the Rams, the Falcons are 11-0 this season when they score 18 or more points, and I really like their chances to score 18 or more points. 

The Eagles' best chance in this game is if there's a medical breakthrough between now and Saturday that allows someone to donate their ACL to Carson Wentz. 

If that doesn't happen, and I'm not thinking it will, then I'm going to have to go with the Falcons. Also, I think it's safe to say that after Georgia's loss in the national title game, the Peach State needs this win more than any state has ever needed a playoff win ever. 

By the way, if the Falcons win this game, they'll get to play in a dome next week, which means they could make it all the way to the Super Bowl without playing a single game in sub-freezing temperatures. The football Gods definitely still feel guilty about Super Bowl LI. 

The pick: Falcons 24-16 over Eagles

Record picking Eagles games this season: 13-3

Record picking Falcons games this season: 10-7 (includes 1-0 in playoffs)

No. 5 Tennessee (10-7) at No. 1 New England (13-3)

TV: 8:15 p.m. ET, CBS
Line: Patriots, -13.5 

After ESPN reported over the weekend that the Patriots' dynasty is in danger of crumbling, I guarantee you that no one was happier about that story than Bill Belichick. Belichick's goal every postseason is to make sure his team goes into the playoffs facing as much adversity as possible, which isn't easy when your team is basically the favorite to win the Super Bowl every year. 

In 2014, everyone wrote off the Patriots because Tom Brady was supposedly washed up. That's the season he played so bad in a loss to the Chiefs that someone actually asked Belichick if it was time to bench Brady, and you can probably guess what happened after that: Brady didn't get benched and the Patriots rolled everyone on their way to a Super Bowl win. 

In 2016, Brady had to serve his Deflategate suspension, and we all know what happened next: He returned for the final 12 games of the season, went 11-1 as a starter and then had such an absurd comeback over the Falcons in the Super Bowl that it took fans in Georgia 11 months to recover, even though I don't think they even actually recovered, they just moved on to mourning UGA's to Alabama. 

Anyway, I think what I'm trying to say here is that if ESPN hadn't released that story, then Belichick would have WRITTEN IT HIMSELF and published it on the Patriots' website to make sure his team was properly motivated for the postseason. Dynasty crumbling? Tension building in New England? Classic Belichick. He clearly planned this entire thing. 

The biggest loser here is the Titans because they now have to face a Patriots team that is going to be out to destroy them. Of course, even if that wasn't the case, the Titans would probably get destroyed anyway. If you've watched the Patriots in the playoffs at all over the past few years, you might have noticed that they almost never lose in the divisional round. 

Since 2011, the Patriots are 6-0 in the divisional round and they've scored an average of 37.5 points. If Derrick Henry rushes for 150 yards and Marcus Mariota throws at least one touchdown pass to himself, then I think the Titans can pull off the upset. However, I don't actually think either of those things is going to happen. I just wanted to give Titans fans a glimmer of hope because I feel like they're probably going to want to turn this game off by halftime Saturday.

That being said, no one should actually turn this game off at any point because it's on CBS and everything on CBS is amazing. It's the only channel I watch, except for the Oprah Winfrey Channel, which is surprisingly entertaining.  

The pick: Patriots 34-20 over Titans

Record picking Patriots games this season: 10-6

Record picking Titans games this season: 10-7 (includes 0-1 in playoffs)

Sunday, Jan. 14

No. 3 Jacksonville (11-6) at No. 2 Pittsburgh (13-3)
TV: 1:05 p.m. ET, CBS
Line: Steelers, -7.5

If there's one thing you're going to hear nonstop between now and Sunday, it's the fact that the Jaguars blew the Steelers out during the regular season. If for some reason you didn't watch that game in Week 5, let me give you a quick refresher: The Steelers outgained the Jaguars (371-313), had more first downs than the Jaguars (21-15) and actually led (9-7) with seven minutes to go in the third quarter and then got blown out (30-9).

I was also going to mention the fact that Blake Bortles threw for under 100 yards (95), but clearly, that stat is meaningless, because as we all saw in the wild-card round, Bortles can basically throw for negative yardage and the Jags can still win. 

If you're wondering how the Steelers went from leading in the third quarter to losing to 30-9, it's because Ben Roethlisberger had a total meltdown and threw five interceptions. Of the five picks he threw in the game, four came in the second half and two were returned for touchdowns. If the Jaguars are playing and there's a pick-six, I'm almost always going to assume Bortles threw it. In this game, it was Roethlisberger. It was like Roethlisberger and Bortles switched bodies, which, by the way, if they ever make a sequel to "Freaky Friday" and that's the plot, there's a 100 percent chance I'm seeing it. 

The sweet irony in all of this is that there's a good chance that the quarterback who throws for the fewest yards could end up winning this game. It's pretty clear Jacksonville can win when Bortles does nothing, and somehow, the same is actually true for Roethlisberger and the Steelers. 

In Roethlisberger's 20 career postseason games, the Steelers are 8-0 when he throws for 225 or FEWER yards. When he goes above that number the Steelers are just 5-7. Think about that: The less Roethlisberger has done in the postseason, the better the Steelers have been. Roethlisberger is going to beat Bortles at his own game. 

Defensively, the Jaguars' biggest weakness is stopping the run -- their rush defense ranked 21st in the NFL this season -- and if the Steelers are smart, they'll give Le'Veon Bell the ball on every other play, which will basically make it impossible for Roethlisberger to throw five interceptions this time around.  

Also, it's supposed to be 17 degrees at kickoff and there's no way I can pick a team from Florida to win on the road in that kind of weather.  

The pick: Steelers 20-17 over Jaguars

Record picking Steelers games this season: 10-6

Record picking Jaguars games this season: 6-11 (includes 1-0 in playoffs)

No. 4 New Orleans (12-5) at No. 2 Minnesota (13-3)

TV: 4:40 p.m. ET, Fox
Line: Vikings, -4

Like the Jaguars-Steelers game, this is a rematch from the regular season that one team won pretty handily. In Week 1, the Vikings beat the Saints 29-19 in a game that felt like a blowout, mainly because Minnesota was leading 29-12 before New Orleans scored a garbage-time touchdown in the final two minutes. 

The biggest difference this week for the Saints is that Sean Payton isn't going to have to spend half the game arguing with Adrian Peterson about playing time. I didn't keep a tally, but I'm pretty sure Payton spent more time yelling at Peterson than he did coaching back in Week 1. 

Look how annoyed Payton is. There's a 60 percent chance he lost that game on purpose just so he could convince the front office to trade Peterson. 

Besides the whole Peterson situation, the Saints also had no idea what they had in Alvin Kamara back in Week 1. The rookie running back didn't really become a vital part of the Saints' offense until Week 4, which means the Vikings never really got a taste of what he can do. 

The other thing about that Vikings win is that Sam Bradford played one of the best games of his career, throwing for 346 yards and three touchdowns. Although Case Keenum could theoretically put up numbers like that, I'm guessing he won't and that's mainly because quarterbacks tend to struggle when they're making their first career postseason start. 

Since 2013, quarterbacks making their first career playoff start have gone 3-12. Two of those wins don't even really count because they both came in a game where a first-time playoff quarterback was starting against another first-time playoff quarterback, so someone had win (one of those games was the Bills-Jaguars wild-card game, which featured first-time playoff starters Tyrod Taylor and Blake Bortles). 

I used to believe defense wins championships, but clearly, I am throwing that theory out the window this week by picking against the NFL's top two defenses in 2017 (Minnesota and Jacksonville). 

The pick: Saints 23-20 over Vikings

Record picking Vikings games this season: 8-8

Record picking Saints games this season: 13-4 (includes 1-0 in playoffs)

Last week

Best pick: In the wild-card round, I predicted that the Falcons would upset the Rams due to the fact that L.A. is the worst home-field advantage ever and not only did I end up getting my pick right, but I think Rams owner Stan Kroenke might have agreed with everything I wrote. 

When your own owner says you don't have a home-field advantage, you definitely don't have a home-field advantage. Of course, the one thing Kroenke probably shouldn't be complaining about right now is his lack of a home-field advantage. I have a feeling he's not going to get much sympathy around the NFL, especially from fans in St. Louis. 

Worst pick: I only got one pick wrong last week, so by default, my worst pick was Titans-Chiefs. To he honest, I only have myself to blame. And also maybe Jeff Triplette. If I had known Triplette was going to be officiating the game, I wouldn't even have made a pick because I'm 95 percent sure he only knows half the rulebook and with the other half, he just makes it up as he goes. I mean, if the play below isn't a fumble, then that clearly means quarterbacks aren't legally allowed to fumble. I don't even know what's real anymore. See what Triplette's done to me?

The fact that I missed the pick is actually kind of embarrassing because I spent two paragraphs last week trying to convince myself to pick the Titans. Apparently, I'd make a horrible lawyer because I couldn't even make a good enough argument to get myself to change my pick.

My argument was even pretty solid. 

From last week: 

"If the Chiefs have proven one thing under Andy Reid, it's that they're completely capable of finding new and fantastic ways to lose in the playoffs. Once the postseason starts, Reid seems to throw all logic out the window."

I pick a guy who throws logic out the window.  I deserve to spend the rest of eternity in the pit of misery. 

Picks record

Playoffs

Straight up in wild-card round: 3-1

SU overall in playoffs: 3-1

Against the spread in wild-card round: 1-3

ATS overall in playoffs: 1-3

Final 2017 regular-season record

Straight up: 161-95

Against the spread: 124-121-11

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's probably watching the Oprah Winfrey Channel.