NFL Week 8 picks: Saints will upset the Seahawks, Chargers stun the Broncos
Wondering which teams will win in Week 8? You've come to the right place to find out
I'm still not sure what was more horrifying to watch Sunday night: The two kickers in the Seahawks-Cardinals game choking in overtime or what Negan did with his bat in the season premiere of The Walking Dead.
If you don't watch The Walking Dead, don't worry, that's the last time I'll mention it. However, it won't be the last time I mention Sunday night's game. If you missed what happened, here's a quick recap of the 6-6 tie that went five full quarters.
Game recap: pic.twitter.com/DOleaKF9mi
— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) October 24, 2016
Those snails are arguably more entertaining than the first three quarters of the game.
The only reason the game finished in a tie is because the two kickers completely melted down in overtime.
Seahawks kicker Steven Hauschka and Cardinals kicker Chandler Catanzaro missed kicks from inside 30 yards during overtime. Had either made his kick, his team would have won.
Instead, we got something that's more exciting than an overtime field goal: A tweet from Samuel L. Jackson that used five exclamation points.
You got ONE JOB, Kick the MUPFOUGHYYNN BALL!!! WTF?! Both Kickers!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) October 24, 2016
You know things have officially gone off the rails when Samuel L. Jackson starts capitalizing words that don't need to be capitalized in his tweets, so thanks to Hauschka and Catanzaro for officially sending Jackson over the edge.
Anyway, in what might go down as the most bizarre coincidence of 2016, Samuel L. Jackson wasn't the only celebrity who sent out an angry NFL tweet Sunday. So did Rob Lowe, and let's just say, Rob Lowe does not want Case Keenum starting anymore.
Note to @Rams front office: you now play in entertainment capital of the world. We know bad performances well. Make changes NOW. #NFL
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) October 23, 2016
The Rams quarterback's play was so bad Sunday that even Rob Lowe knows it's time to make a change.
Look Jeff Fisher, I'm not going to tell you how to coach your team, but if Rob Lowe says it's time to start making changes, then it's time to start making changes. You have a bye this week, so I would start by benching Keenum and starting Jared Goff.
That's the only reasonable thing to do for the Rams, right? There's no way Keenum's going to start when they get back from their bye, RIGHT?
Fisher: I'll make changes at receiver before I make a change at QB.
— Gregg Rosenthal (@greggrosenthal) October 23, 2016
I have no idea what Fisher's doing anymore. The statement above is like getting a flat tire and then trying to fix it by vacuuming your car. It makes no sense.
You know what else makes no sense? My picks this week.
There are 13 games in Week 8 and I'm rolling with five underdogs. However, before we get to those, here's your weekly reminder to check out picks from every NFL expert here at CBSSports.com, which you can do by clicking here.
This week you should click over because Ryan Wilson apparently has a copy of Gray's Sports Almanac from Back to the Future II. That's the only way to explain his 10-4-1 record against the spread in Week 7. Actually, there could be another explanation: It's very possible that Wilson is just a puppet and that his 9-year-old son is actually making the picks. Wilson and his son do a podcast together, which you can listen to here, so it wouldn't be shocking to find out they're making picks together. If you want to hear a 9-year-old explain why he decided to retire from soccer, then I recommend clicking over and listening to Wilson's podcast.
Alright, let's get to the picks.
NFL Week 8 Picks
New England (6-1) at Buffalo (4-3), 1 p.m. ET (CBS): The last time these two teams played, the Bills embarrassed the Patriots in every way that you can possibly embarrass another NFL team. Of course, that game shouldn't have even counted as a full win for Buffalo because the Patriots didn't have Tom Brady. As a matter of fact, the Bills should've only gotten about one-fifth of a win because all they did was beat a team that was being quarterbacked by a guy with a broken thumb (Jacoby Brissett).
That's right, Buffalo, I'm not impressed with that win, just like I'm not impressed with your hot wings, and just like I'm not impressed with your ugly Zubaz pants. I mean seriously, they went out of style in 1991.
Actually, I take that back. I love Buffalo wings and I would wear Zubaz pants to work every day if it were socially acceptable. If you don't know what Zubaz pants are, just show up to any Bills tailgate and 80 percent of the people there will be wearing them. The other 20 percent probably will be wearing plaid.

Unfortunately for the Bills, Zubaz pants won't help them win Sunday, which is too bad because they're going to need all the help they can get. For one, LeSean McCoy is going to be banged up (if he plays), and two, they'll actually face Brady this time.
Plus, Bill Belichick probably isn't too thrilled with how things turned out the first time. Speaking of Belichick, the last time he was swept by the Bills was never. That's right, the Bills have never beaten a Belichick-coached Patriots team twice in one season.
The only weakness the Patriots have right now is their kicker, but I don't think he's going to blow it for them Sunday. Sure, Stephen Gostkowski is probably going to miss four kicks in this game, but the Patriots will win by so much it won't matter.
The pick: Patriots 34-24 over Bills.
San Diego (3-4) at Denver (5-2), 4:05 p.m. ET (CBS): The last time these two teams played I was snacking on Cap'n Crunch during the game, which I only mention because I still have that same box of Cap'n Crunch because that game was LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AGO. I'm not sure if the NFL schedule maker downed a few shots of bubble gum vodka before putting the Chargers' and Broncos' schedules together, but I have to say, I don't like the fact they played in Week 6 and are playing again in Week 8. I like my division games like my showers, they need to be separated by at least four weeks to get maximum effect.
The only difference between the first meeting and this meeting is the Broncos are actually going to have their coach on the sideline this time. Gary Kubiak missed the previous meeting because of a health problem. Although I'm sure Kubiak is a good game-planner, the Chargers so thoroughly dominated the first game that I can't pick against them.

As a matter of fact, I may never again pick against the Chargers. Following the Broncos game, four of San Diego's next five games will be against teams that currently don't have a winning record.
I like the Chargers' chances in this game. On the other hand, I don't really like this guy's chances of ever picking up a girl wearing that jersey.
This probably isn't the best way to pick up members of the opposite sex at an NFL game #Broncos (via https://t.co/tSYdUGT1Bn) pic.twitter.com/5hYrL6f5Mz
— John Breech (@johnbreech) October 25, 2016
The pick: Chargers 20-16 over Broncos.
Green Bay (4-2) at Atlanta (4-3), 4:25 p.m. ET (Fox): If the Falcons lose to the Packers on Sunday, the city of Atlanta may as well blow up the Georgia Dome because it no longer will be of use to anyone. Falcons fans are one loss away from full panic mode, and you can't really blame them because the 2016 season is slowly starting to look like the 2015 season. Last season, the Falcons started 6-1, only to watch their season fall apart with three consecutive heartbreaking losses by three points, one point and three points. This season, the Falcons have lost two straight -- by two and three points -- after starting 4-1.
For most people, the end of October means celebrating Halloween. In Atlanta, it means the start of the Falcons' annual midseason collapse. Falcons fans are so worried about Sunday's game they're already psyching themselves out by tweeting about their team's inevitable collapse.
Life's certainties:
— JD Richardson (@jdrichardson23) October 23, 2016
-Birth
-Death
-A mid season collapse by the Falcons @RAWilliams2013
I see it's time for the Falcons mid-season collapse
— Ryan Lech (@RyanNumber15) October 23, 2016
If the Falcons lose against the Packers then yea I think they're gonna collapse again
— Prime (@DVontel) October 25, 2016
It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for them.
On the bright side, if the collapse starts now, Falcons fans can stop paying attention to 2016 and start looking ahead to next season, when the team will move into a new stadium. I'm excited about the new stadium, but only because it has a roof that's going to put all other roofs to shame.
Watching the roof open at the Falcons' new stadium is easily going to be the best part of Super Bowl LIII https://t.co/M60GQIlX6Q
— John Breech (@johnbreech) May 24, 2016
Anyway, I would love to say that the annual Falcons collapse isn't coming, but I would only be lying to myself.
The pick: Packers 30-27 over Falcons.
Philadelphia (4-2) at Dallas (5-1), 8:30 p.m. ET (NBC): I have no idea if it's going to help them win Sunday, but I'm pretty sure the Cowboys just got done with the best bye week in football history.
What made their bye week better than everyone else's?
Well, let's start with the $55,000 dinner that they had as a team on Oct. 17.
LOOK: #Cowboys rack up $55,000 tab at annual rookie dinner https://t.co/mFi5Ztc7ZV
— Matthew Tabeek (@MatthewTabeek) October 21, 2016
I once went to a dinner at Arby's that was about 5,585 times cheaper, and probably not as tasty.
Anyway, one expensive dinner isn't the only expensive thing they did during the bye week. There also was a party at Tony Romo's house. Apparently, Romo's house has a basketball court, a spiral slide and a giant basement.
Tony Romo house pic.twitter.com/pyVOS2HsiA
— ✭Rachel Rizzuti✭ (@Rizzuti09) October 20, 2016
I'm guessing whatever happens with the quarterback situation, it's going to go smoothly because team chemistry seems ridiculously good in Dallas right now. Those guys are more close-knit than the Tanner family was during the final three seasons of Full House, which is almost ironic because just like the Cowboys, Full House had its heyday in the '90s, only to return this year with a surprisingly good cast that turned out to be fun to watch even though everyone thought it would be horrible. (Yes, this is me admitting I watch Fuller House on Netflix. I'm not proud of myself).
As for the pick, let's just say I trust Dak Prescott over Carson Wentz, I trust the Cowboys' defense over the Eagles' defense and I think Ezekiel Elliot is better than anyone the Eagles could possibly line up in their backfield.
The pick: Cowboys 30-20 over Eagles.
I'm still mad at these teams for making me sit through a four-hour tie, so I'm picking them to lose
Seattle (4-1-1) at New Orleans (2-4), 1 p.m. ET (Fox): If you've been following the Seahawks the past few years, you're probably well aware of the fact this team is guaranteed to inexplicably lose at least one game per season that kicks off at 1 p.m. ET (which feels like 10 a.m. to Seahawks players). You would think with all that coffee in Seattle that playing an early game wouldn't be a big deal, but it is. Since Russell Wilson's rookie year in 2012, the Seahawks are 42-11-1 in regular-season games that don't kick off at 1 p.m. ET, and just 9-8 in games that do. That's barely over .500.
The other thing frightens me is the fact the Seahawks' defense just spent 46 minutes on the field against Arizona. They're just the third defense since 2000 to spend 46 minutes on the field in one game, and now they have to go to New Orleans and get ready to stop a Saints offense looking to turn the game into a track meet.
The pick: Saints 20-17 over Seahawks
Arizona (3-3-1) at Carolina (1-5), 1 p.m. ET (Fox): Even though his team is 1-5, Panthers coach Ron Rivera said he thinks Carolina can make the playoffs and, for some reason, I believe him. Now, I don't think they're actually going to make the playoffs, but Rivera sounded so convincing when he talked about it Monday that I almost became a believer. The biggest thing going in the Panthers' favor right now: They're only 2.5 games out of first place in a division where there's an 80 percent chance the current leader -- the Falcons -- will suffer a total collapse.
As for the game itself, I'm not sure the Cardinals' defense can slow down Carolina, and that's mainly because Arizona hasn't really been tested lately. Over their past five games, the Cardinals have faced offenses currently ranked 22nd, 23rd, 32nd, 30th and 25th. In the Panthers, they'll get an offense that's ranked fourth overall. I think I just talked myself into taking a 1-5 team. Yup. I did.
The pick: Panthers 24-23 over Cardinals.
NFL Week 8 picks: All the rest
Raiders 26-23 over Buccaneers
Bye weeks: Rams, Dolphins, Giants, Steelers, 49ers, Ravens
Last Week
Best pick: Last week I got crazy and picked the Lions to beat the Redskins by three. Can you guess what happened? The Lions went out and beat the Redskins by three.
Of course, whenever the Lions win a game, no one in the national media actually wants to talk about it, so I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to talk about the importance of making sure you cover your private body parts when you urinate in public. I didn't think I would ever had to bring that up here, but Redskins special teams coordinator Ben Kotwica forced my hand.
Apparently, no one ever had the "you should cover up" conversation with Kotwica, and guess what happened last Sunday: He accidentally exposed himself to a few fans at Ford Field.
If you've ever wondered what happens when a coach or player has to go to the bathroom during a game, it's pretty simple: If they can't make it to the locker room, they grab a paper cup and go on the sideline. Most of the time, they do it discreetly so no one notices. However, Kotwica threw discretion out the window in Detroit and gave people sitting in the front row a free peep show from the Redskins' sideline.
As all men know, there are roughly seven rules you have to follow if you don't want to get caught when you're urinating in public, and Kotwica basically broke all of them.
Even Golden Tate was offended at Kotwica's lack of knowledge on how to handle himself in such a situation.
.@HammerFox2 gets @ShowtimeTate reaction to #Lions fan's viral photos of #Redskins coach urinating on the sideline Sunday. pic.twitter.com/SHgtrzebRZ
— David Komer (@DavidKomer_Fox2) October 25, 2016
He could have sat down on the ground, sat down on the bench or used a towel. Trust me. When I say he broke all seven rules, I mean it. And no, I can't rehash the seven rules of urinating in public. They're for guys only.
Anyway, the good news for Kotwica is the Redskins are playing in London this week and I think the public urination laws are a lot more friendly there, so England should be fun for him.
Worst pick: Every week I seem to make at least one pick that defies all logic, and last week, that was picking the 49ers to beat the Buccaneers. The next time I think about picking the 49ers, I'm going to remind myself that they're so bad this season their own fans don't even want to watch them.
Here's a picture of the home crowd during the middle of yesterday's 49ers game. Keep on kneeling, Kaepernick! pic.twitter.com/hcOFIYrT7w
— James Edwards (@JamesEdwardsTPC) October 24, 2016
For some reason, I picked the 49ers to win, even though they were 1-5 before last Sunday and Colin Kaepernick hadn't won a game in more than a calendar year. I would say picking the Niners to win was the worst decision made by anyone, anywhere last week, but it wasn't, because urinating in a stadium with 65,000 people around definitely wins that award.
Picks Record
Straight-up in Week 7: 8-6-1
SU Overall: 59-47-1
Against the spread in Week 7: 7-7-1
ATS overall: 46-56-5
Exact score predictions: 1
You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's probably busy writing his new best-seller, 'The Seven Ways to Safely Urinate in Public."
















