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A lot of NFL fans have done a lot of different things to try and distract Tom Brady over the years, and none of it has worked, so I'm glad to see that Bills fans tried something completely new over the weekend.

A fan in Buffalo, who clearly read A Gronking to Remember before heading to the Patriots-Bills game Sunday, threw a sex toy on the field during the third quarter. Wait, it gets better: Brady's name was written in marker on the toy, which was shaped like a piece of male anatomy.

I would show you pictures, but we're a family-friendly website, so you'll have to Google them on your own (or Bing them or Yahoo search them or you can even Ask Jeeves if you want).

Anyway, the only reason I'm even somewhat impressed by this stunt is because the logistics of throwing a sex toy on to the field at an NFL game actually seems pretty complicated.

First, someone has to sneak a sex toy into the stadium. Then they have to hold onto the sex toy for two-and-a-half quarters without it getting confiscated. Then you have to throw the sex toy perfectly on to the field, which isn't exactly easy because it's not really an aerodynamically shaped object.

Someone did all that though, and that someone definitely got Brady's attention.

"I thought it was funny the [official] didn't want to pick it up," Brady said when asked about the sex toy on Monday. "He was kicking it. Nobody wanted to reach down and grab it."

You really can't blame the official for not wanting to touch the thing. I mean, if I have one rule in life, it's to not touch any sex toys that I randomly find on the ground. It's really a rule that everyone should probably live by.

Another rule that everyone should live by: Wear a tyrannosaurus rex costume whenever possible.

I'll admit, switching subjects from a sex toys to a dinosaur costumes isn't easy, but I had to do it here because a Broncos cheerleader dressed up like a T-Rex this week and I would never forgive myself if I didn't get that picture in here.

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There was a rare sighting of the thought-to-be extinct cheerleader-dinosaur. DenverBroncos.com

Don't mess with that T-Rex.

Also, don't mess with Kristin Cavallari. Jay Cutler's wife, and my second favorite star from The Hills, would like everyone to pipe down now that her husband's back and winning football games.

That's good advice, K-Cav, and I'm going to take it. I'm going shut up and get to this week's picks.

Actually, before I get to the picks, here's your weekly reminder to check out all the picks from every NFL writer here at CBSSports.com.

The reason you should click over and check out the other experts this week is because Jared Dubin put us all to shame. Dubin went an amazing 10-2-1 with his picks in Week 8. I'm not sure what his secret is when it comes to picking games, but I think his success has something to do with the fact he has devised a new Dalton formula.

So simple, yet so brilliant.

Anyway, if you want to use Dubin's picks this week, I suggest following him on Twitter. If you don't want to use his picks, I totally understand, because who knows if that formula is even reliable?

Alright, let's get to the Week 9 picks.

NFL Week 9 Picks

Pittsburgh (4-3) at Baltimore (3-4), 1 p.m. ET (CBS): I have no idea if Ben Roethlisberger is going to start Sunday, so picking this game isn't easy. If Roethlisberger is out, that means the Steelers will probably go with Landry Jones, which is like going from a Ferrari to not having a car and being in jail for tax evasion. Of course, the Steelers could also go with Zach Mettenberger, but starting a guy who has an 0-10 career record seems like kind of a big risk in a game this big. Actually, starting him in any game seems like kind of a big risk, so I'm guessing he stays on the bench.

Since I don't know who's starting for the Steelers, the only way to do this is to make two picks: One for if Roethlisberger plays and one for if he doesn't play.

The irony here is that I don't really need to make two picks because I'm taking the Ravens either way. That's right, I don't care who the Steelers start. Even if Roethlisberger plays, there's no way he's going to be 100 percent, and even when he is 100 percent, he can't seem to win in Baltimore: Big Ben is 0-3 in his past three trips to Charm City.

Plus, the only safe time to pick against Roethlisberger is when he's coming off an injury and tries to come back from it too quickly, which he does every time he gets injured.

The pick (if Roethlisberger plays): Ravens 23-20 over Steelers
The pick (if Roethlisberger doesn't play): Ravens 23-16 over Steelers

Philadelphia (4-3) at N.Y. Giants (4-3), 1 p.m. ET (Fox): Things have gotten so bad in Philadelphia that Terrell Owens is now offering his services to the team. When a 42-year-old might actually improve your receiving corps, that's when you know your offense has reached rock bottom. If you've watched the Eagles play at all this season, then you're probably already pretty familiar with how their offense operates. On every drive, you're likely to see:

  1. At least five dropped passes.
  2. A fumble by a running back.
  3. Probably a failed third down (Philly ranks 29th in the NFL in third-down conversions).

The good news for the Eagles is that they'll be playing a team that's almost as bad as they are at converting on third down and a team that's definitely worse at turning the ball over. If the Giants have been good at one thing this season, it's giving the ball to the other team. New York's negative-7 turnover differential is tied for the third-worst mark in the NFL.

If the Eagles do pull off this upset, there's a good chance their fans won't remember it if they're playing the game below.

That's probably not a safe game to play.

The pick: Eagles 24-20 over Giants

Indianapolis (3-5) at Green Bay (4-3), 4:25 p.m. ET (CBS): This game should finally answer the question of "Who can pay their quarterback the most money and give him the least talent to play with?" If anyone knows how Andrew Luck feels in Indy, it's probably Aaron Rodgers, who spent Week 8 handing the ball off to a fullback because the Packers didn't have any healthy running backs.

Of course, Rodgers doesn't really need any healthy running backs when he's going up against a defense as bad as the one the Colts will be bringing to Green Bay on Sunday. The Colts can't stop the pass (ranked 31st out of 32 in pass defense), they can't really stop the run (ranked 21st) and they're not very good at protecting their $140 million quarterback, who has been sacked an NFL-high 31 times this season.

Things are so bad in Indy right now that dressing up as Andrew Luck isn't even safe.

Really, it's kind of a miracle that the Colts even have three wins.

The pick: Packers 31-27 over Colts

Denver (6-2) at Oakland (6-2), 8:30 p.m. ET (NBC): I lived in Oakland for four years, and pretty much all anyone ever did there was eat burritos, talk about the Raiders and brag about being a millennial -- except for MC Hammer, he only did one of those things and it wasn't the first one or the last one.

Hammer probably won't have any trouble finding anyone to talk Raiders with this week because the city of Oakland is going to be pumped to be hosting what's probably the biggest football game held there in the past 12 years. The game against Denver will mark only the second time the Raiders have played a Sunday night game on NBC since the network started televising the games in 2006.

Raiders fans will be hoping this game goes a lot better than the first game, a 13-3 loss to Denver in 2006. That was on the road, though. The Raiders haven't played a Sunday prime-time game at home since 2005, which is probably for the best because the Coliseum is the most decrepit building in the NFL. Anytime there's a night game, there's a 50 percent chance that either the electricity will go out or the sewage system will break, or both.

Anyway, one of two things is going to happen in this game: The Raiders are going to be so amp'd up that it backfires and they lose 31-0, or they're going to win. I vote the second one.

The pick: Raiders 20-17 over Broncos.

Buffalo (4-4) at Seattle (4-2-1), 8:30 p.m. ET Mon. (ESPN): Half the reason I'm going to watch Bills-Seahawks on Monday is because I've basically convinced myself that there's a 90 percent chance that this game ends in a 0-0 tie. The way the Seahawks are playing right now, I'm not sure they're going to score another point for the rest of the season.

If you haven't been paying attention to what's going on in Seattle, they're having a tough time putting the ball in the end zone. Usually, when your offense is struggling, a game against the Saints will solve everything, but that's not what happened Sunday. The Seahawks offense only managed 13 points against New Orleans, which is almost impossible to believe because scoring on the Saints is one of the easiest things you can do in the NFL.

I personally know how bad the Seahawks offense has been this year because I have Russell Wilson on my fantasy team (which I do not recommend under any circumstance). Wilson hasn't thrown a touchdown pass or rushed for a touchdown in any game over the past three weeks, which is the longest scoreless streak of his career. I'm now at the point where I'm either going to A) Bench him for Brian Hoyer (I don't care if he's out for the season with a broken arm) or B) Trade him for Blaine Gabbert (I don't care if he's not playing right now; anything's better than Wilson).

When I say anything's better than Wilson, I mean anything. If anyone in my league is reading, I will also contemplate a trade for vodka, pistachios or a toothbrush. I need a new toothbrush.

You see that, I could've started Alex Smith, who played less than one half, and that would've been better than starting Wilson in Week 8.

The problem is that I tell myself that every week and then never actually follow through. I would make a horrible general manager.

Anyway, the only thing I like about Wilson right now is what he does against AFC teams. Since his rookie year in 2012, he's 9-0 at home against the AFC. I have no clue how the Seahawks are going to score, but somehow they're going to win this game by three points.

The pick: Seahawks 16-13 over Bills (Seattle gets eight safeties).

NFL Week 9 picks: All the rest

Falcons 34-27 over Buccaneers

Cowboys 30-20 over Browns

Chiefs 27-17 over Jaguars

Dolphins 27-24 over Jets

Vikings 19-16 over Lions

Panthers 23-20 over Rams

Saints 31-24 over 49ers

Chargers 30-27 over Titans

Byes: Bears, Bengals, Cardinals, Patriots, Redskins, Texans

Last Week

Best pick: Last week, I predicted that the NFC West would go down in flames with both the Seahawks and Cardinals losing, and that's exactly what happened. I don't what's going on with this division, but it's falling apart faster than Donald Trump's presidential campaign. Whoops, I meant Hillary Clinton's campaign. You know what guys, to be honest, I didn't even want to use a political joke there, but the election is NEXT WEEK and I'm running out of chances to use them, and how else am I going to turn the comments section into a giant political debate. Just kidding, I don't want that. As everyone knows, the comments section here is for one thing and one thing only: To make fun of me, like this reader did last week.

Zing! He got me good. As you can see, the comments section is always filled with wonderful compliments. Reading it never gets old.

Anyway, before I got sidetracked there, I think I was trying to make a point about how horrible the NFC West has been lately, and I'm pretty sure my point was going to be that no team in the division has won a game since Week 6. We're going into Week 9.

The entire division has as many wins combined as the Browns over the past two weeks, which is not making me feel good about my Seahawks Super Bowl pick.

The problem here is that I think Obama jinxed it.

Thanks, Obama.

Worst pick: London Has Fallen isn't just the name of a mediocre action movie anymore, it might also be what I have to rename the "Worst pick" section after going 0-for-the-season on London games. That's right, I whiffed on all three picks this season, and that's not even the worst part: I also missed every London game last year, which means I haven't hit a London pick since 2014. God needs to stop saving the queen and think about saving my London picks.

To he honest though, I'm not ashamed of my London record. I have been ashamed of myself before, like the time I watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past by myself and then never admitted it to anyone. That was a low point in my life. The London picks are not.

The only thing I regret about the London games is the fact that I got up at 6:30 a.m. PT on three Sundays this season only to watch myself blow pick after pick after pick. Also, I was so upset at the Redskins-Bengals tie that I vowed not to watch any London games in 2017.

Sorry, Goodell. If I want to watch a tie on Sunday morning, I'll watch soccer, or I'll play my niece in tic-tac-toe, but I don't want ties in football. If London NFL ratings go down, the NFL can blame me.

Picks record

Straight-up in Week 8: 8-4-1

SU overall: 67-51-2 (67-49-1 non-London picks, 0-2-1 London picks)

Against the spread in Week 8: 7-5-1

ATS Overall: 53-61-6

Exact score predictions: 1

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's probably on the phone with his mom reading her all the wonderful compliments from the comments section