Let's hand out a few 2017 MLB photo day superlatives

Spring training player photos are in, and we shall now honor them

Not so long ago, MLB “photo day” at spring training -- that hootenanny of posed portraits undertaken on pain of discipline -- unfurled before us. We know this because we’ve already laid unworthy, rheumy eyes upon Colby Rasmus’ since fallen beard that shall forevermore be known as “The Very Reverend Butter-Churner.” In the spirit of Rasmus’ photo, let’s hand out superlatives for pretty pictures. Come with us won’t you? All images via USATSI ... 

Best “anonymously revealing to the Channel 6 I-Team what’s really going on at the county assessor’s office”: Michael Brantley, Indians

Most “disappointed in you because you got suspended from school for fighting but also sort of proud”: Jason Motte, Rockies

Best senior portrait: Yasiel Puig, Dodgers

Josh Martin’s mom’s most favorite photo, probably: Josh Martin, Indians

Mostly likely to corroborate anonymously Michael Brantley’s claims to the Channel 6 I-Team regarding the county assessor’s office: Eric Thames, Brewers

Best “almost forgot about Photo Day because he fell asleep on a sandbar after tubing”: Jack Murphy, Dodgers

Most surprised by reality of being Dan Jennings: Dan Jennings, White Sox

Best performance by an orifice: Jeremy Jeffress, Rangers

Best smile suggestive of a long con in progress: Chase Utley, Dodgers

Most unhappy with you personally: Domingo Santana, Brewers

Least enthusiastic use of props: Blake Swihart, Red Sox

Most likely to pitch from the stretch, possibly in a men’s room: Hector Rondon, Cubs

Thank you, people of baseball, for joining us for whatever this has been.