Want to spend $1,000 on a gold NERF-sized hoop?

There are worse ways to spend $1,000, but none that will make you feel so much like a ten-year-old again.

By Matt Moore

Nov 12, 2014 at 5:17 am ET • 1 min read

When the end of the world comes and we look back and ask "Where did this all start to go wrong?" we won't talk about global warming, or the destabilization of the Middle East following the Cold War, or anything else. We'll look back and see this: a gold-rimmed, leather-net mini-indoor-basketball hoop.

Let’s talk business here. The one with the 24-karat-gold rim is clearly the one to get. I mean, you could slum it and get the version with the metal rim, but gold is best. Because it’s gold. Either way, the durable rim and 1.5-inch-thick maple backboard are surely strong enough to endure years of play, unlike the breakable plastic build of lesser hoops.

This thing is stout. The rim and backboard weigh 18 pounds. That should solve a problem that has plagued competitive Nerf basketball since the dawn of history: Often, the ball is too heavy for the rim, causing it to flop around crazily—and occasionally even come unmoored from the door!—when the ball hits the front of the rim. That’s not a problem for the Killspencer hoops, which also have leather nets. Have you ever heard the sound of leather swishing through leather? No? Neither have I, but I wish to.

via A Gold-Rimmed Basketball Hoop, Yours for Just $995 | WIRED.

This is basically the "Wolf of Wall Street" version of your office hoop. But if you want to be serious about it, it's a great start. And really, if you're going to spend as much of your life a some sof us do playing indoor mini-basketball, shouldn't you invest in the best? Shouldn't you put money towards the things you actually do with your life, instead of that collection of classic novels, or that super-expensive sushi meal, or that new car which you'll only use to drive to and from work? Isn't this a better investment with relation to what you spend your time on?

No, no it is not, because it's spending close to $1,000 on a NERF-sized hoop. Get your violins, people, the ship is going down, but at least we'll be able to hang on gold rims as it sinks.