Our story begins two springs ago, when a hound with nothing left to lose wandered into Brewers camp. He was taken in, named Hank, rendered as graven image, and declared Dog of the Year. From there, a dangerous state of assumption took hold: Hank the Dog would be with us forevermore, and the Brewers would never do anything like try to pass off a different dog as Hank because they couldn't bear to tell us that Hank had gone to live on the same farm as Zoebelle Butterscotch, Yoenis Cespedes' beloved pig. 

Still and yet, the people noticed that this happened ... 

Maybe this is simply the residue of being well-fed, well-rested, and sleeping in an Orvis dog bed rather than a storm drain. But that indeed looks like a different dog. Of course, it also looked like a different dog in the spring of 2015, when the Brewers tweeted out this image, and even then the people were not fooled ... 

Do you believe the Brewers? Have they proved trustworthy at any point on this matter? Has this all been a benevolent long con in place since last spring, all to spare us from the news that Hank is deader than sh*t? Perhaps, on Friday, the plot will either unravel or grow thicker still ...

The implications are as dominating and obvious as elevator flatulence: "Hank 1" suggests multiple Hanks. The best of all outcomes is that the multiple Hanks are all still alive and still rich in love and Alpo. The next best outcome is that Hank 1 passed away peacefully in his sleep at an advanced age and was ushered directly to Heaven's lushest meadow, where unlimited meals of sirloin and snacks of cat poo await him and that Hank 2, another adorable shelter pup, has assumed his jurisdictional responsibilities. The least of all outcomes is that Matt Garza shows up and curses at us for our misplaced concerns. 

The point is that on Friday the Brewers will look the Illuminati in its lidless eye and tell us what we at once want to believe and dare not believe. 

In harrowing conclusion ... 

(Wink of CBS eye: BrewCrewBall)